


Love Unexpected

by ElmOak1991



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, Drama, Dream Visiting, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family, Longing, Love, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-28
Updated: 2015-03-29
Packaged: 2018-02-27 06:23:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 83,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2682377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElmOak1991/pseuds/ElmOak1991
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The life of a hunter is full of unexpected things. Dean however never thought that Cas would leave them to fix heaven and he never expected the feelings that would follow. Sam has found them a case in Ohio where children have gone missing from their beds inside of locked homes. Cas recognizes the town and circumstances from his past so he decides to stay long enough to help solve the case. However that is easier said than done. Not only are they baffled by the case, but all are distracted. Sam is worried for Dean, Dean fights his unwanted feelings for Cas, and Cas struggles with what he should do and what he wants. Can they get it together enough to solve the case?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Forgotten Past

**Disclaimer! I do not own Supernatural or its characters. All credit go to the wonderful creators of Supernatural and its actors.**

 "Dean? I can't see!" four your old Sam cried out, fear coating is shaky little voice. Sam reached out next to him, touching the earthy wall. "Dean?" He called again.

 There was no reply from his older brother and the absence of him brought Sam to shaky sobs. He couldn’t remember how he had gotten here or even where here was. It smelt of dirt and the only light he could see was way above him, leaving him in the dark.

 Sam held himself as he cried, calling out for his daddy and Dean. He closed his eyes and imagined what Dean might say to him if he were there, "It's okay Sammy," Dean would say. "I got you," he would add, wrapping his arms around his shoulders. "I got us till dad gets here," Dean would also say.

 Sam wiped at his eyes taking comfort in the things his big brother would say to him if he were there. He stood, placed his hand back on the wall and started to walk. He didn’t know where he was but it was a rounded room that wasn't big but wasn't super small either. He had to move around an object that was barred like a cage, but besides that the room seemed empty.

 His tummy grumbled, announcing that he was hungry. When was the last time he ate? He remembered his daddy making him and Dean pancakes before leaving for another trip. Then he and Dean spent the morning watching cartoons until he had gotten hungry again and Dean sighed, "You're always hungry Sammy," he said, but got up and went to the little kitchen. Dean called him to the table a little later and they both eat their beany's and weenies. Dean had listened while he talked about the dream he had the night before.

 That was it. That was all he could remember up until he woke in the earthy dark room. Sam continued to walk around the room with his hand on the wall. Dean would come looking for him, he would never let him out of his sights for too long.

 There was a sudden loud creaking sound, almost like an old metal gate opening. Sam covered his ears to block out the sound. He could hear the sound of someone approaching. The light, thud, thud, thud sound got louder and louder until he was blinded by the sudden beam of light that flooded into the earthy room.

 Sam fell back when he took in the figure that stood in front of him. It was hooded, so he couldn't see the face,  but the hands that held a child smaller than he was were bony, with long fingers and sharp looking nails. The figure reeked of a smell Sam couldn't describe.

 The creature moved in an eerie way as it shifted and placed the small child into what looked like a makeshift crib. That must have been the barred cage he felt before.

 After the figure relieved itself of the child it turned to him, Sam fell backwards as the creature reached out to him. The creature followed him to the floor and Sam scrambled backwards until he hit the earth wall. The creature stroked his cheek, making a purring sound as it did so.

 Sam let out a yell he was unable to hold back. The creature’s finger was ice cold and it caused fear to tingle through him. He felt his stomach lurch like he was going to be sick and his ears rang.The creature left him, closing the door behind it as it left. Sam curled into a ball, hugging himself. He wished for his brother again and started to cry softly.

 He couldn’t understand why this was happening. He couldn’t understand what was happening. He was a good kid. He just wanted to go home.

 The small child started to cry loudly. This made Sam straighten up and wipe at the tears on his cheeks. He had a mission and that made him feel better. He stood, going over to the crib. Sam couldn’t reach the child, so he climbed in with her. Well at least he thinks she is a her.

 He thought about what Dean did to comfort him. He sat down next to her and pulled her close. "Shh," he said, as she clung to him with her little fist. "Don’t worry. My brother is looking for me and he will find us," Sam said to her, a small smile on his face. "He will come and break down that door and he will fight off that monster thing. He's good like that, my brother is the best." Sam patted her back, just like Dean would do to him. 'He would be so proud of how brave I'm being,' Sam thought to himself. The thought made him feel more brave, it made him feel as brave as his big brother.

\-----

 Eight year old Dean woke. His mind was foggy and for a moment he couldn’t remember where he was. He stretched out his hand, finding what felt like grass under his palm. His brow pulled together with confusion.

 'What the-' he wondered, and then it all came back. Poor Sam was going crazy in that motel room and Dean had remembered seeing the park when they had driven by on the way to the motel, so he got Sammy dressed and they had walked to it. It was a little further than he had thought, but once they were there Sammy had gotten so excited that the long walk was worth it.

 They stayed until the sun started to lower in the sky. Dean wanted to get home before dark, so he gave Sammy the five minute warning. After the time was up they started making their way from the empty park back to the motel when some dark figure stepped in their path from the shadows.

 Fear flooded through him and he grabbed onto Sammy, pulling him in close. The thing stepped closer and that's when he grabbed Sammy's arm and started to run. Dean ran faster than Sam's little legs could go and Sammy fell, making Dean fall to the ground too. He quickly struggled to get Sam up, but Sam must have hit his head because he was unconscious.

 The thing grabbed him and Sammy. Dean shouted for help, but there was no one around. He fought to get them free and the creature lost its grip on him and he fell to the ground. The creature moved faster with just Sam. Dean leaped up and took off after it. "No Sammy!" He cried out. His heart pounded in his chest with fear. "Please don’t take him!" He begged the thing, as he forced his legs to run faster. Dean got tripped up on the roots of some tree and fell. He must have hit his head, because here he was, lying on the ground with a headache.

 Dean jumped to his feet, his head spun but he didn’t care. He couldn't believe that it was already nightfall. How long had he been out? Oh god, where was Sammy? His stomach dropped and his heart squeezed. If anything happened to Sammy he would die, Sammy was his to protect. Dean couldn’t bear the idea that he failed his little brother. He couldn’t bear the thought of living without Sammy. He loved and needed his little brother.

 "Sammy!" He screamed out, knowing that it was in vain. Whatever that thing was that took Sam wouldn’t have stuck around. The only questions were, was the thing human or monster? And was Sam still alive?

 Dean shook his head as tears stung at his eyes. Help, he needed help. He took off toward the police station he and Sam had passed on the way to the park. He needed to get help and that was the practical place to go.

 By the time he got there his lungs burned and he needed water badly. He rushed through the door, not caring about either, his brother needed help. He rushed up to the counter where an officer sat. The man looked down at Dean over his glasses, tilting his head as he took Dean in.

 "There some problem little man?" the guy asked in a kind tone.

 "Please!" Dean said, urgently between deep breaths. "My brother. Something took him!"

 "Whoa buddy," the man said, he stood, going around the desk and kneeling in front of him. "Someone get this kid a water!" he called out.

 Dean took a few shaky breaths. His breathing was normalizing and when the water was given to him he drank half the bottle. He felt guilty because Sammy was out there somewhere and was probably thirsty and hungry.

 "Okay, why don’t you tell us what happened?" the cop asked Dean.

 "I took my brother to the park. We were getting ready to leave when this thing stepped out from behind a tree--,"

 "When you say this thing do you mean a person?" The cop asked, interrupting Dean.

 "I don’t know what it was! It was large and was wearing a cloak type thing. I couldn’t see its face but it had claws and it took my brother. Please you gotta help me!" Dean said, is voice ending in a high pitch squeal.

 The cop sat back on his heels, as another other cop who was standing close by let out a laugh. "Go home, kid," The one who laughed said. "We ain't got time for tales."

 "No you have to believe me!" Dean cried out. "Please my little brother is out there. He is about this tall," Dean said, using his hand to show Sammy's height. "He has longish brown hair and hazel eyes."

 "Look," The cop who was in front of him said as he stood. "He's right, we don’t have time for games."

 "This isn’t a game! Please you have to believe me." Dean pleaded, dread filling him. "Please," He said, with a defeated cry.

 "Paul, maybe this kid is serious," The cop in front of Dean said, looking over at his partner.

 "Na, the description matches all the prank calls we've had. All the kids must had heard the old tales, you feel me?" The other cope replied.

 "Look kid. Go home and tell your parents. If this is true they can come to us. Now get going." The cop in front of Dean replied.

 "But," Dean said, defeated. He wiped at the tears on his cheeks. He already knew the cops wouldn't help, but how could he just leave. "I'm not lying! He has been taken!"

 "By the "Childless Lady" The cop called Paul said. "We know the tales kid, we grew up here. It’s just a tale parents tell their children to keep them in at night. Now go home and let us get back to our jobs." Paul waved his hand in dismissal. The phones rang and both cops got busy.

 Dean left, his head hanging. He felt sick as he walked back to the motel. What was he going to do? He wanted to look for Sam but where would he start? What was he supposed to tell his dad? He was going to be in so much trouble. He had one job and that was to look after Sammy. He could call Bobby but it would take him hours to get there and Sammy could be dead by then, if he wasn't already.

 Dean got to the motel and tears ran down his cheeks. He wandered if he should just leave, but knew that his father would go crazy not knowing what happened to them. It would be better to just stay. That way his dad could decide whether or not he still wanted him. Surly he would though…Right?

 Dean looked over at the crappy TV that was left on. Touched by an angel was on. It usually came on this time of night, and since it was either this channel, some other stupid show or the news, they often watched it. The woman on TV was crying because she found out that the woman with red hair was an angel.

 Dean went to the bedroom and plopped down onto the squeaky bed. That's what he needed, an angel, and he knew that that wasn't going to happen because angels didn't exist. How could there be angels and a god when there was so much bad in the world?

 He rolled over onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. He watched as the fan went around and around. He closed his eyes and saw Sammy's face, his small little face that was probably red from crying.

 Again Dean's heart squeezed and he couldn’t stand the helpless feeling in his chest. With a deep breath he closed his eyes and spoke out loud, "Please. Any angel who is listening. Please help me find my baby brother. He is probably so scared and hurt. I can’t live without him and my dad would be heartbroken to lose him. You see, we have already lost my mom and he can’t take anymore loss." Dean took a breath, and then continued. "I know I was supposed to take care of Sammy and I swear I did my best but if any of you help me I promise I will never let anything happen to him again. I will take better care of him." He finished with an amen, then cried until he fell asleep.

\------

 Castiel heard the prayers of the child and couldn’t ignore the pleas. He stood over the now sleeping child he knew to be Dean Winchester. Castiel had heard the prophecies that revolved around the Winchester boys. So how could he not help?

 Usually angels were not permitted to get involved in these kinds of affairs but given the circumstances, he was given permission. Castiel already knew what had taken the smallest Winchester. She was a unique creature that little was known about. Not quite a demon and not quite a spirit. Rumors of her have been present in this small town for many years.

 Castiel walked over to the small chair in the room that held a teddy bear. He picked it up and could sense that it belonged to the youngest Winchester. He closed his eyes as he used the energy in the bear to find the child. It took time, as his power expanded over the earth, slowly stretching from him. He could sense the others at the motel. The people at the vending machines outside. The ones driving in their cars. The person across the street.

 Finally he found the child. He was somewhere underground and he wasn't alone. He got the coordinates of the location and was happy that Sam Winchester was still alive and so was the other child.

 Castiel put two fingers to Dean Winchester's forehead, giving him the information. As Castiel watched over Dean, he could sense that this child was going to be very important, and not just to the world, but to himself personally. The feeling was an odd one. Nothing but his brothers and sisters was every really important to him. Well his missions were, but those were important to all angels.

 Castiel was supposed to locate Sam Winchester, Give Dean Winchester the information and leave. However Castiel could not leave. He would watch over Dean Winchester as he rescued his brother. Only when the Winchester boys were home safe will he leave.

\-----

Dean woke with a sudden idea where Sammy was. He had no idea how or why this location was in his head, but he followed his gut. He went to the location as quickly as he could. It wasn’t far from the park they had been at.

 The house he stood in front of was old. The windows were broken and the porch steps were snapped in half. The grass was tall and filled with weeds. He felt like there needed to be some kind of warning for people to stay away because it looked like the house would collapse at any moment.

 Dean didn’t need to go in the house though. The gate to the grounds was in the back yard, which had overgrown grass as well. Dean walked over to it, wondering briefly how he could have possibly known about this. He looked down at the door and thanked god that the moon was full; otherwise he wouldn't have been able to see at all.

 Dean opened the gate looking door, and it let off a loud moan that rang out into the night. Dean cringed at the noise and prayed that the creature was far away and didn’t hear Dean’s intrusion. There were steps that headed down into the ground. Dean opened his eyes wide, trying to see. "Please let Sammy be alive," He said, then started to descend down the stairs.

 A sudden ball of light lit his way a few steps in. Dean wondered momentarily where it had come from, but he was more concerned about getting to Sam. The steps lead way down into the ground and he wondered how deep they went. He could smell the dampness of earth along with another smell he couldn't identify that intensified with every step he took.

 He came to a door that looked like it was made of thick steel. How on earth was he supposed to get in there? He did the logical thing first and tried the handle. To his surprise and delight the door squeaked open. The light flooded into a dark rounded room. At first the space seemed empty but as he went into the room he saw what looked like some kind of crib.

 He could tell there was something in it but from where he stood the crib was in shadow. He walked over to it and thanked god the ball of light followed. "Dean?" A small voice asked. Dean ran to the crib then, looking into it. Sammy was there along with a smaller child who was about two.

 "Sammy!" Dean cried out. He took his little brother into his arms as he heart pounded with joy. "I thought you were gone forever." Dean said to him, holding back tears.

 "I knew you would come, Dean," Sammy said as he pulled away. "I took care of her," He added as he looked down at the toddler. "I took care of her the way you take care of me. Do you think I did good Dean?" He asked, waiting nervously for Dean's response.

 Dean smiled at him, then looked down to the sleeping toddler. "You did great Sammy. I'm real proud."

 Sammy's smile was big, he was so happy he had made his big brother proud of him. "Dean I was taken by a monster," Sam said slowly, afraid Dean wouldn’t believe him.  

 Dean lifted him out of the crib and placed him on his feet. "I know Sammy. You hurt?"

 Sammy shook his head. "No, just scared. Well I was until you got here." Sam gave him another smile.

 Dean looked down at his brother and his heart swelled with love. Sammy was his favorite person in the world after his father. Maybe even before his father. "I'm glad you are okay. I need you to walk so I can carry her," he said, using his thumb to point to the small sleeping child.

 "I can do that," Sam said, with enthusiasm that told Dean he had no idea how much danger they were still in. He was only four though after all.

 Dean lifted the toddler from the crib and held her close. "Okay Sammy, stay close." With that, he led Sammy out of the room and started slowly up the stairs. The light followed and again he wondered where it came from. Dean was ready for the creature to pop out at any time. He didn’t really expect to make it out of the ground, but soon they were emerging from the earth.

 Dean paused once they were all out and scanned the overgrown back yard. The ball of light was now gone so all he had for light was the moon and it cast eerie shadows all around the abandoned lot. Dean shifted the still sleeping toddler so that he had her in one arm and grabbed Sammy's hand with his free one. "Okay Sammy. Let’s get out of here."

 They were about halfway to the front of the house when the sounds of screams sounded. It was a wailing, screech kind of scream that chilled you to the bone. Dean took off in a run with Sammy by his side. He didn’t bother looking back. Dean could feel the creature gaining on them. All he could think was he was going to fail Sammy again. Not to mention the little girl he was carrying.

 The air around them got colder and made the hair on his arms stand up. "Dean it's here!" Sammy cried out is panic. "I don’t want to go back."

 Before Dean could respond he felt something grab at him. The touch was cold and made him feel dread. The toddler in his arms let out a howl and moved frantically. She dropped from his hold, screaming loudly once she hit the ground. Dean could hear the creature's strange breathing in his ear as the thing started to drag him backwards.

 He let go of Sammy's hand in hopes he and the toddler could get away. "Run Sammy!" He yelled. The creature couldn’t take them all at once, not with the way Dean fought back. "Take her and get out of here. Go!" The creature struggled to keep him in its grip. "Go now Sammy!" Dean cried, wishing Sammy would just listen to him.

 “I don’t want to leave you," Sam said, with tears running down his cheeks. He walked over to the toddler, and lifted her from the ground. He struggled a little with her weight. "Dean?" Sammy said unsure.

 "Go!" Dean yelled at him. He watched as Sammy took off as fast as he could and the idea that Sammy could escape made him happy. As long as his little brother was safe he was satisfied.

 The creature screamed as Sammy escaped with the girl. Its grip on Dean tightened even more to the point where he struggled to breath. He heard the door to the stairs creek open and he did his best to get free, but his vision was blurring due to the lack of air.

 Out of nowhere there was a flash of light, causing Dean to close his eyes. The light seemed to get brighter and the creature let out a scream of pain. He felt himself fall to the ground, smacking his head on something hard. After a second he felt himself being lifted into someone’s arms and was surprised by the warmth of the touch.

 The light vanished along with the creatures screams. "You will be alright," A gruff voice said. "I have you."

 Dean opened his eyes and looked up at the man who held him in his arms. His eyes were still adjusting from the flash of light, but he could see the man had dark if not black hair and brilliant blue eyes. He was a little scruffy, much like his own father was. The man was walking with him in his arms to the front of the abandoned house.

 "Who are you?" Dean asked, in a shaky voice. He didn’t understand what had just happened.

 "You're safe now," The man replied flatly. He placed Dean on his feet and looked him over. "You can come out Sam Winchester," He said to seemingly no one. However after a second Sam emerged from the bushes a little ways away.

 "Sammy you were supposed to run," Dean groaned. He was sure Sammy would have kept going.

 "I did Dean, but then I saw the light and hid," Sam replied. The toddler was by his side, holding onto his hand tightly.

 "Are you hurt Sam Winchester?" The man asked Sammy.

 Sam just shook his head, with a look of wonder on his little face. "What's the matter Sammy?" Dean asked, confused by Sam's expression.

 Sam looked over to Dean with wide eyes. "You can’t feel it?" Sam asked, surprised.

 "Feel what Sammy?" Dean asked, going over to his little brother. 

 "That guy is an angel Dean," Sam said, pointing over to the man.

 Dean looked to the guy and tried to see what Sammy was talking about. He looked like a normal person to him. What on earth was Sam talking about?

 --------

Castiel smiled at the smallest Winchester. It was not much of a surprise that Sam Winchester could tell he was an angel. Most younger children can tell, especially the ones who truly believed. That was why it was not a surprise that Dean Winchester couldn’t tell. He could sense that the older Winchester had no faith that angels existed.

 "I will take you home now," Castiel said, walking away from them. For a moment it seemed the children weren't going to follow but after a second he could hear the shuffle of their feet.

 He knew he’d overstepped. He was supposed to help Dean Winchester find his brother, then leave the rest to fate, but he couldn’t leave the boys on their own. If they were so important to the future why risk anything? It was a question only his father could answer and he had not been seen by any angel for so long.

 He could hear the chatter as the boys talked about nothing important. Sam was worried about food and Dean promised he could have the last of the Lucky Charms. Whatever that was. It did make the younger Winchester very happy though.

 Castiel followed the children into the motel room they were staying in. Sam Winchester went right to the table and sat down. Dean Winchester, who had picked up the female child half way back to the motel looked puzzled. "What are we supposed to do about her?"

 "I will take care of her," Castiel replied. He took the child from him, cradling her close. He saw that was the way Dean Winchester was holding her, so it must be right.

 The boy went into what Castiel assumed was supposed to be the kitchen. He pulled out a jug of what Castiel recognized to be milk and a box that read 'Lucky Charms.'

 "Dean, do you think that thing will come back for us? Are we going to tell dad?" Sam Winchester asked. His fear was clear on his face.

 "I don’t think the thing will find us here Sammy. Dad will be home soon too, okay?" Dean said, trying to reassure his little brother.

 Castiel knew what he could do, though he shouldn’t. Yet what was the point of leaving these boys with those horrible memories? Why leave them afraid for their lives when they could be freed from the fear? The creature was weakened by him and it wouldn’t strike again anytime soon.

 Castiel put the toddler down, and she started to cry the moment he did so. He Went over to the younger Winchester, placed to fingers on the child's forehead and caught him before he fell from his chair.

 "What are you doing!" Dean shouted in protest. Castiel ignored Dean Winchester as he brought Sam Winchester to the bed. He placed two fingers on the child's head again, this time taking away the memories. He knew they were gone when all the tension in the little body eased.

 "What did you do to my brother!" Dean yelled.

 Castiel looked over to him. He cocked his head to the side thinking; the protection Dean Winchester felt over his brother was the one usually given by parents. "I have helped him. He is just asleep and when he wakes he will no longer be frightened."

 The boy looked to his younger brother with his eyes, then looked back to him. "Why is he no longer afraid?"

 Castiel went to him, quickly putting him out. If Dean Winchester had seen it coming he would have fought it. Castiel caught him before he hit the ground, like the younger Winchester Castiel brought him to the bed. "There is no need to be more afraid than you already are Dean Winchester. You will do great things," Castiel told him as he placed Dean Winchester next to his brother.

 It was harder to take Dean Winchester's memories, not that it was a surprise. The older you got the harder it was to take away or change.

 He watched the boys sleep for a moment before going back to the toddler who was still crying. He lifted her up into his arms and was surprised that the crying ceased . He would take away her memory of this night as well, though she was unlikely to remember it anyway. He took one last look at the room, than disappeared into thin air.

 

 

**I hope you have all enjoyed the chapter. Please leave reviews so I know to continue. Thanks :D**


	2. Odd Feelings

Disclaimer! I do not own Supernatural or its characters. All credit go to the wonderful creators of Supernatural and its actors.

 

 

 

"Want some eggs?" Dean asked, as he crossed the kitchen in the bunker to the fridge. He pulled out eggs and glanced over at Sam who had his nose in his laptop. He had seen that look on Sam's face many times before so he asked, "So where are we off to?" No answer. "Hello? Earth to Sam." Dean said, now pulling down a pan.

 

"Sorry I was reading," Sam said, shaking his head slightly. "No I already ate and I think we should go to Bloomingburg Ohio. It's a small town and three kinds have been kidnapped in under a week. It says here that the parents put their children to bed at night and in the morning the children were just gone. There was no signs of break ins and all the kids are under the age of eight, so the chance of them leaving the house on their own is small. "

 

"All the kids from the same family?" Dean asked, going to the table and taking a seat.

 

"No. Three kids from three different homes. Two boys ages eight and four and a girl age two." Sam turned his laptop so Dean could read the report.

 

"Hmm," Dean said questioningly after reading the report. "It does seem unlikely they left on their own."

 

Sam nodded his agreement. "Sounds like something we should at least look into. It may be nothing, but still." He turned the laptop back to himself and looked over the top of the screen to Dean who looked anxious.

 

"Yeah okay," Dean said, looking down at his hands. He cleared his throat before speaking, feeling a little uncomfortable. "You haven't heard from Cas have you?" Dean asked him with worry in his voice.

 

Sam shook his head as he shrugged. "Not since he got his grace back." Sam replied.

 

"Right," Dean said as he stood. "Let me eat, then I will get ready to leave," He added as he went to the stove. It had been two months since Cas' grace was restored. Sure Dean realized that heaven was in trouble and Cas was a busy guy, but the occasional drop by wouldn’t hurt. At least to let them know he was still alive.

 

"So you think he's alright?" Dean asked Sam as he scrambled his eggs. He couldn't help but worry for Cas; he had become family and that meant something to Dean.

 

Sam looked over at Dean and gave him another shrug. "No news is good news right?" He replied in a reassuring tone. "I'm sure he is just busy in heaven and all."

 

"Yeah," Dean agreed, though it didn’t stop his worrying. He spooned his eggs on to a plate and joined Sam at the table.

 

"Hello Dean, Sam," Cas said from the doorway. They both looked over at him and he gave them a smile that was uneasy.

 

"Cas," Dean said standing, forgetting about his eggs. "We were just talking about you. Where've you been man?" Dean asked relieved. He walked over to Cas and gave him a quick hug.

 

"In heaven," Cas replied in is gruff voice, wishing the hug lasted a little bit longer. He watched as Dean took a couple steps back, with a breathtaking smile on his face. Dean hardly ever had a genuine smile, but when he did it was like he lit up the room with it.

 

"You're looking good Cas," Sam said, turning in his seat to face him. "Health looks good on you."

 

"Thanks Sam," Cas said with a small smile, then he looked back to Dean.

 

"I know you were talking about me. Sorry if I have worried you." Cas looked around the kitchen to buy himself time. What he was about to do the hardest thing he was ever going to do. It was his biggest fear come to life. Though he knew he was doing the right thing it just didn’t feel right, life without Dean was, well hell.

 

Sam's brow pulled together as they watched Cas look around the room. He and Dean shared worried glances. "Cas? You okay man?" Dean asked worried, placing his hand on Cas' shoulder. 

 

Cas looked at him right in the eyes. Though Cas had done this a thousand time before the feeling that shot through Dean caught him off guard. It made him feel something in his gut that he couldn’t explain. He took his hand off Cas' shoulder. It was the same something he felt every time Cas looked at him like this and as always the feeling quickly passed leaving Dean feeling more or less like himself again.

 

"I'm okay," Cas replied. He had to look away from Dean because he couldn’t do this looking into those fantastic green eyes of his. "I have… bad news."

 

Dean shifted his weight from on foot to the other. "What is it?" He asked in a tone that sounded unsurprised. Sam too looked unsurprised that there was bad news.

 

Cas expected their looks of no surprise. The brothers hardly ever lived too long without something popping up. "Heaven is chaotic," Cas said slowly, stalling, he really didn’t want to do this.

 

Dean looked over at Sam and was glad he wasn't the only one confused. "Cas, we already knew heaven was a mess." Dean looked at Cas questioning.

 

Cas looked up at Dean, his stomach ached with sadness. "Dean, heaven needs a leader. Someone who can guide them. The angels who have returned are lost and the ones who have rebelled have no intention of returning."

 

"And?" Dean replied, clearly not getting it.

 

"Are you saying what I think you are saying?" Sam asked, truly hopping he had come to the wrong conclusion. "You leaving us for good Cas?"

 

"What?" Dean scoffed. "He's not leaving us Sam." He added, but looked over at Cas who was looking down at his feet. Dean's heart skipped a beat but he ignored it. His brow pulled together with worry and suspicion. "Is that what you're saying Cas?"

 

Cas looked away as he spoke. "I have no choice," He replied sadly, his heart hurting.

 

"The hell you don't!" Dean said, angrily. "You can't leave us Cas. You're family, man. We need you." Dean said, hating the pleading tone in his voice. The idea of never seeing Cas again just sat wrong with him. It made his chest heavy and left him feeling a little panicked. He just didn’t want to lose yet another person he cared about.

 

"Dean, they need me. I don’t want to do it but I have to. They are my brothers and sisters," Cas said, with earnest. He received a pained look from Dean, a look that  nearly killed him. How was he supposed to leave Dean behind forever? Even if the feelings were never returned in the way Cas craved them to be.

 

Dean shook his head as he ran his hand over her face. He couldn’t understand the way he was feeling. His heart pounded in his chest which felt tight. It was like he was living his worst fear, one he didn’t know he had. "Can’t you visit?" He asked feeling a little stupid. "I mean, why does this have to be goodbye?"

 

"Hannah thinks it would be best if we semi shut down heaven. Make it so that no angel can leave once they're there," Cas replied. Dean sat down and looked across the table to Sam who looked upset.

 

"Hannah is the one who wants you to lead?" Sam asked, though it was more of a statement then question. Sam sighed heavily. "Well this sucks Cas."

 

"This blows," Dean grumbled. "Who the hell does this Hannah think she is?" He asked, feeling angry at the angel he hardly knew.

 

"She is a good angel Dean and she had too many valid points for me to argue any longer." Cas shook his head. "I'm sorry, but I have to do this. At least until someone better comes along." Cas said, trying to convince himself just as much as Dean.  Dean didn’t look up at Cas, making Cas feel awful. He didn’t know what to say to make this okay. Dean felt like he was losing a brother but Cas felt like he was losing a lover.

 

Dean sighed, licked his lips, then stood. He couldn't stand the feeling in his chest any more so he decided to push it all aside. "Well I guess life goes on," He said, with his best go to smile. "Let's get ready for Bloomingburg Ohio." He said to Sam.

 

Cas looked at Dean as he threw away his uneaten eggs. His heart dropped a little at the name of Bloomingburg. "What's there?" he asked, hoping he sound curious instead of worried.

 

"Missing children from locked homes. Two boys and a girl. All different families. It's maybe our kind of thing so we figured we'd check it out," Sam replied, closing his laptop as he did so.

 

Cas thought back to when he had last been in Bloomingburg. He was there saving them from the same creature they may be hunting now. Would the creature remember them? If it did, would it try to kill them for getting away? He took a deep breath. Dean and Sam were always going to be in trouble for one reason or another. He couldn’t get all worked up every time they were in danger. With that in mind he was surprised to hear himself say, "Why don’t I join you guys on one last hunt?"

 

Both of them looked at him. "You don't have to go back right away?" Dean asked feeling a little hopeful, though he didn't really understand why.

 

"No, I have a little time," Cas lied, knowing Hannah wasn't going to be happy about this. He tried to tell himself it was just to help them out with this case. This creature was something that was not well known. Yet he knew the bigger truth, this gave him more time with Dean and he planned on spending every moment he could just cherishing their last days together. Even if the feelings were one sided.

 

* * *

 

 

Dean paced his room feeling…well he wasn't sure what he was feeling. He cleared his throat as he started his packing. Whatever it was that he was feeling it sat wrong with him. He shook his head, "Concentrate on the case," He said out loud.

 

Once he was done packing he sat on his bed, rubbing the center of his chest. He had forgotten how much Cas meant to him. The angel was like a brother to him and this was hurting as much as it would if Sammy said he was leaving forever. The thought panicked Dean, so he shook the thoughts from his head. 'Okay he needed to get it together,' he thought to himself.

 

"You ready Dean?" Sam asked from the other side of the closed door.

 

"Yeah, just one minute," He replied. He just needed a moment to collect himself.

 

Another knock came and Dean sighed irritably. "I said one minute Sammy!" He called out.

 

The door opened and Cas stepped into his room, closing the door behind him. Dean jaw clenched at the sight of his best friend. Cas looked the way Dean felt and yet Dean still couldn’t put a name to the feeling.

 

They stood in silence, the only sound that filled the room was their breathing. Dean sucked in his bottom lip the way he always did, that made Cas' heart flutter. Cas had to force himself to stay where he was because what he really wanted to do was go to Dean and hold him close. He wanted to admit he feelings and tell Dean he truly didn’t want to go. What he wanted above all was for Dean to return the feelings, to want him the way lovers do.

 

"You need something Cas?" Dean asked, breaking the silence. Cas' heart squeezed when their eyes met, locking into place. Dean tried to look away but he found it hard to do so.

 

"I'm glad I'm doing one last case with you guys," Cas said, awkwardly in his gruff voice that made the feeling Dean was feeling deepen.

 

"Yeah, me too," He said as he stood. He wanted to rub at his chest again but stopped himself. "You ready?" he asked, knowing that Cas didn't need much.

 

"Yes," Cas replied with a small smile. He lead the way from the room, to the garage where Sam was already waiting. The walked there was filled with more awkward silence.

 

"I have planned out the route. It's an easy trip that will take about thirteen hours," Sam said, as Dean put his bag in the trunk.

 

"Awesome let's get the show on the road," Dean replied, going around the impala to the driver's seat and climbing in. He looked in is review mirror seeing Cas in the back seat. It felt strange knowing that soon he would never see Cas in the back seat of his car again. It was a strange realization and even stranger was the fact he would miss looking in his review mirror and seeing Cas there. He started baby, riding himself from the odd thought with a shake of his head.

* * *

 

 

The drive was an easy one as Sam had said it would be. It only took twelve hours due to the way Dean drove so it was about eleven at night when they pulled up in front of the motel. "Looks decent enough," Sam commented, as they got out of the car.

 

Cas looked at the motel and recognized it as the same one that the boys had stayed at before. Surly they remembered this part? Cas only took away the memories of the creature. Not the fact that they were here.

 

"Cas you okay?" Sam asked him from the door to the room.

 

"Yeah, just thinking," Cas replied. Dean walked by him, brushing his arm as he went. The contact sent electricity through him. He watched Dean disappear through the door and a chill ran through him. They had so little time.

 

Dean was acutely aware that Cas was in the room that night. He turned over so he was on his back again. Sleep evaded him and it was like his mind was on over drive as he thought about Cas leaving. The thought of never seeing Cas again made him sick to his stomach.

 

'Oh come on!' He thought to himself as he turned back onto his side. This was ridiculous, he was acting like he was losing his lover not his best friend. He became ill with the thought. That's what this felt like though. That was the feeling he knew but couldn’t place. He was heartsick and he didn't want to lose his…

 

No! He shouted in his head, once again rolling over. What the hell man, he wasn't gay. He looked over at the dark spot on the other bed. He wished he was asleep right now. Not awake, making shit up in his head. He was NOT gay. Nope.

 

Cas listened as Dean tossed and turned, trying to sleep. This was not uncommon for either of the brothers. The life they have had was bound to affect their sleep. He knew that Dean often had nightmares and it hurt when he woke with a scream, or when he would jerk awake, pulling the blade from under the pillow has he went. Cas wished there was something he could do and really hated doing anything. He would just have to settle for watching over the man he loved.

 

 

I hope you have all enjoyed the chapter. Please leave reviews so I know to continue. Thanks :D


	3. Creature Unknown

**Disclaimer! I do not own Supernatural or its characters. All credit go to the wonderful creators of Supernatural and its actors.**

 

"That was a waste of time," Dean said, referring to their time at the local PD. They had no leads on the kids and the sheriff seemed to not really care much. "Something isn't right about that sheriff," He added. He looked at the pictures of the missing kids, Gabriella Davis, Matt Harold and Leon Tracy, One last time before putting them in his pocket.

"Yeah he seemed like he had no interest in finding the kids," Sam said as he picked up the menu. The diner they had found themselves in was like so many others, small and homey. It was done up in red, orange and yellow tones. It had a few booths, some tables that sat four and a breakfast bar that sat seven.

"Can I start you guys off with something to drink?" a waitress asked, pulling a pad of paper from her jeans pocket. She gave them a wide, cheerful grin.

Cas looked across the table at Dean, expecting to find him beaming at the waitress, giving her that breathtaking smile he gave when he was interested. Instead Dean just ordered a coke, giving her a quick smile before looking at his menu.

Cas tilted his head a bit as he looked back at the waitress, who looked a little put off because Dean wasn't paying attention to her. 'She was his type,' Cas thought. She had the pretty face with blue eyes and pink lips. She had the big breast thing going on and her shirt was tight, as were her jeans.

Cas heard Sam order a sweet tea, then she walked away, swaying her hips, clearly hoping to catch Dean's attention.

"Dude, she is totally into you," Sam said, surprised that Dean wasn't hitting on her the way he usually did. Even demon Dean would have hit that.

"What?" Dean said, looking up at Sam. He wasn't really paying attention to the waitress. He was busy with the fact that things seemed off with that sheriff and he wanted to go talk to the parents to see if they could find anything that could tell them who or what took the kids. There also seemed to be something familiar about all of this. Not only the children disappearing, but this town as well.

Sam laughed. "The waitress was into you and you didn't notice?" Sam asked in a surprised tone.

"No man, I want to find these kids," He replied unsettled. "Something about this seems familiar but I can't place it," He looked over to Cas who was looking out the window like he would give anything not to be sitting at the table. "You okay Cas?"

Cas looked at Dean for a moment. "Yeah, I just want to find those kids too," Cas replied, looking back out the window. He was trying to decide whether or not he should tell them about last time they were in Bloomingburg.

The waitress returned with their drinks. She leaned over as she placed their drinks to expose as much cleavage as possible. Still Dean wasn't paying attention to her. "Are you guys ready to order?" she asked, eyeing Dean, clearly his lack of interest was getting to her.

"Yeah, I will have the chicken ranch salad," Sam said, giving her a smile. The waitress gave him a quick look over, then hit him with the dazzling smile she had been giving Dean.

"How about you handsome?" She asked Cas, she looked him over as well and her face held approval.

"No, thank you," Cas replied, giving her half a smile.

Dean looked at her now, he didn't like the way she looked at Cas. If Cas was going to be with anybody, it sure as hell was going to be better than some smutty waitress looking for a piece of ass. Cas was better than that, he deserved better. Cas deserved someone who would take care of him and love him unconditionally. Someone like him, well not him of course because he didn't love Cas, not like that anyway. Dean shook his head in hopes to ride the thoughts. "I will take the barbeque bacon burger," He said, to get her attention off Cas.

"Okay, are you sure you don't want anything?" she asked, looking over at Cas again.

"I'm good, thank you," he replied with a smile.

Dean cleared his throat as he looked away from Them. He couldn't believe he was feeling…what? Jealous? Dean took a sip of his coke. No he wasn't jealous at all. He just wanted his best friend to have the best. There was nothing wrong with that, right? Yeah, that was it.

Sam cleared his throat as he looked at his brother. He could tell something was up with him but wasn't sure what. There was a lot of things it could be. Dean was still struggling with the demon thing. He still had the mark of Cain. Cas was leaving.

"Any ideas on what we are facing?" Dean asked, looking at Sam, then over to Cas.

"Well it's not shtriga, Those things put their victims into comas," Sam replied, ruling the creature out.

"Yeah I agree. It's not changelings either. They replace the children they steal," Dean said shaking his head. "I don't know what we are dealing with here."

"Yeah," Sam huffed. "I wish Bobby was alive. It seems like something we could use his help on." Sam added sadly.

"Well we are on our own with this one," Dean replied, not letting himself think on Bobby's death.

"It might not be one of our cases Dean. Maybe that sheriff is covering for someone," Sam said, with a shrug. "We will just have to talk to the parents and have a look around. See what we see."

"Okay here we go," The waitress said, walking up to them with food. She had reapplied her make-up and changed up her hair. "Here is your Salad," She said placing the salad in front of Sam with a smile. "And your burger. I had them add more bacon on the house," She said, giving Dean a wink. She looked over to Cas. "You sure you don't want anything cutie?"

"Yes, I'm sure," He replied, giving her another smile.

"So," She said, leaning on the table, looking at Dean like she was going to eat him. "I get off at four and was hoping you and I could, you know, get together?" She asked, giving Dean another dazzling smile.

Cas shifted in his seat as he looked away. His heart squeezed like it always did when he was witness to Dean making plans for the night. He knew he never had a shot with Dean due to the fact the he was an angel and the fact that Dean was not into men, but knowing that Dean was going to spend the night with the waitress nearly knocked the breath out of him.

"I think I'll pass. I'm here on business not pleasure," Dean replied. She was real pretty and usually he would jump on her offer, but he didn't feel up to it.

"Oh," The waitress said, put off. "Well if you change your mind," She said, as she picked up a napkin and put her pen to it. "Give me a call." She left with another wink in his direction.

Dean left the napkin on the table where she had left it and looked up at Sam. He was taken aback by the look on Sam's face. "What?" He asked.

"Dude, you just turned down a chick," He said, with a smirk. On the inside however, Sam was worried.

"I've turned down chicks before!" Dean replied, annoyed. Was he not allowed to not be in the mood?

Sam held up his hands. "I was just saying," He said. He took a bit of his salad before saying, "You feeling alright?" Dean wasn't eating.

"Yeah," Dean said, popping a fry into his mouth. Sam Watched him for a moment before going back to his food.

"You're not from around here," a honeyed voice said, from beside them.

They all looked over to a woman who looked to be in her late eighties. Her silver hair was in a long braid that hung down the middle of her back. She wore a black knee length pleaded skirt with a long sleeved white shirt, that was tucked into her skirt. Her smile was tight and didn't reach her chocolate brown eyes.

"No we're not," Sam replied, curiously.

"Mind if I join you a moment?" she asked, sliding in next to Dean before they could give her an answer. "You are looking for the missing children, are you not?" She asked.

Dean looked over at Sam, brows raised. Sam shrugged in response. "Yes were are. How did you know?" Dean asked.

"I have excellent hearing," The woman waved the waitress over. She smiled as the waitress approached. "I would like a coffee, dear, black."

"How are you doing Mrs. Blanch?" The waitress asked her with adoration.

"Oh I'm doing just fine, dear and you, Kathleen?" Mrs. Blanch replied.

"Oh you know, same stuff different day," Kathleen replied. She excused herself, shot a glance at Dean, then walked away.

"Good girl she is. A little smutty if you ask me, but good all the same." Mrs. Blanch waved her hand in the air as to dismiss what she had just said. "The person you are looking for isn't a person at all," She said matter of fact like.

Sam and Dean exchanged looks again. "What do you mean? Do you know what took them?" Sam asked, leaning in close so they weren't over heard.

Mrs. Blanch rubbed her hands together as if she were suddenly nervous. "You must understand that I tell you this knowing it sounds ridiculous, as people have told me my entire life." Her honey voice shook a bit.

"We will believe you, trust us," Sam said, giving her a reassuring smile.

She eyed him for a moment before nodding. "I can believe that," she looked around them before she spoke again. "I have no idea what took them. I just know it wasn't human," She looked over at Dean with terror. "I was only four when I was taken. My parents had taken me to the park and while I was there I heard a kitten in the woods just down the way," she paused, taking a few deep breaths. "I followed the sound and the moment I was in the woods something snatched me up. I couldn't see what it was under the hood, but it's bony hand slid over my mouth so I couldn't scream. I tried to fight her, but I was only four after all."

"Well you're here. So did she let you go?" Dean asked, hopeful.

"No, She brought me down into the dark hole in the ground. I don't know where it is but I swear it's out there and that's where you'll find those kids." Mrs. Blanch put her a shaky hand over her mouth.

"How did you get away Mrs. Blanch?" Sam asked.

She put both her hands on the table as she thought back. "She came to me a few hours after she snatched me. When she did I fought to get away and while we fought her hood came off. She screeched so loudly I had to cover my ears. Even with the light that came in through the open door I couldn't see much of her. She covered her face as she yelled. I took the moment to run and luckily I got away. I found the police at the park and told them my story. They told my parents that I was traumatized, but I saw what I saw and that thing wasn't human," She insisted.

"We believe you," Sam taking her trembling hand, giving it a light squeeze. "So you believe the thing that took you is the same thing that took these kids?" It was more of a statement than a question.

She looked at him and gave him a firm nodded. "I know the same thing that took me took them," She replied, emphasizing the word Know. "Every twenty-eight years like clockwork. This is the third time since me and there are records of missing children going back over one-hundred years ago. Always the same, two boys, four and eight, and a girl age two." The woman took a deep breath, "She took another four year old in my place."

You keep saying she," Cas said, speaking for the first time. "How do you know it was female if you never saw it?"

"It's just the feeling I got. Not to mention the old tale of her. Parents tell the story of an old woman who steals little children if they are bad. I believe that the story has truth to it." Mrs. Blanch said, looking down at the coffee Kathleen brought her. "You have two find her," She looked at the three of them. "You have to find her, and stop her."

"We will do what we can," Dean said. It was crazy how familiar this all seemed. It was almost as if he could remember something like this happening to Sam and him.

"Thank heavens," The woman said, she gave them a nod as she stood. "The police won't be much help. They seem to have a blind eye to the kidnappings," She paused. "Very suspicious in my opinion."

"We gathered that," Sam said, standing. Thank you for the information. You really helped us a lot."

She gave them all a smile before walking away from them, taking her coffee with her. She sat at another table and waved Kathleen over again.

"Now we just need to figure out what to do next," Sam said, sitting back down. He played with his food for a moment, before pushing it away.

Dean looked over at Cas, who was looking like he was about to be sick. "Cas you sure you're okay?" Dean asked, concerned. The last time he looked sick he was dying. The memory made Dean want to be sick. It wasn't something he really wanted to go through again.

Cas looked up at him, but didn't meet his eyes, Dean's eyes narrowed, "What aren't you telling us?" he asked. Any time Cas couldn't look him in the eye he was hiding something.

"You have to understand that I did what I thought was best," Cas said, with nerves in his gruff tone. Now he met Dean's eyes and they held confusion.

Sam's brow pulled together, "What are you talking about? What did you do?"

Cas looked over at Sam, then back to Dean. "You should remember this place. You were here when you were eight. You even stayed in the same hotel you are in now."

Dean took a moment as he tried to remember. Yeah, he was here. "My father was hunting something and he wanted Sam and me far way. So he dropped us off here. Yeah I remember being here." He shook his head. "It's all a little foggy though to be honest. Kind of like trying to see through smoke." Now he looked puzzled. "Hmm."

"That's because while you were here your memory was messed with. Both of your memories were," Cas glanced over at Sam again, then back to Dean.

Dean's head tilted a little to the right. "What?" He asked. "What could do that? Why?" He asked, getting upset as Cas expected.

"Dean," Cas said. He hated being the one to upset him, but there were times when it was unavoidable. "The creature had taken Sam. You were distraught and the police thought you were pranking them when you tried to tell them about the creature that took your brother." Sam and Dean exchanged shocked glances as Cas went on. "You went to the hotel and prayed. I answered the call."

Dean's eye opened wide with surprise. "Wait," He said raising an eyebrow. "You're saying we've met before?"

"Yes. I helped you save Sam and the other child the creature had taken," Cas looked down. "I didn't realize it was still taking children. I don't even know what it is. My mission was to save Sam," He said. Well technically his mission was to find Sam and show Dean where to find him. He stuck around because he couldn't leave. Now he wondered if it was because somewhere deep down he knew he would someday love Dean. Was that really possible? Could he have known, even then, that he would need Dean, want Dean?

"But why take our memories?" Sam asked, pulling Cas from his reveries.

Cas looked up at him and thought about the look on his terrified face when he was only four. "Your fear," Cas replied. "You were only four and the fear you felt was great." Cas looked over at Dean who looked perplexed. "And you felt a great deal of guilt for Sam's fear. You have always put too much guilt on your shoulders. Even when the guilt wasn't yours to carry."

Dean licked his lips. Something that always made Cas crave Dean in ways that he knew were wrong. Neither of the guys said anything for several minutes. Cas wished he knew how to make this okay for them. He knew they hated being messed with when it came to things like that.

Sam cleared his throat, "Can you give the memories back?" Sam asked. Dean looked at Cas as well.

"My powers aren't as they used to be so no, But I can show you my memory of it," Cas replied. The guys looked at him with surprise.

"You can show us a memory?" Dean asked, like he didn't believe Cas.

"There are many things I can do, Dean," Cas replied, with half a smile.

Dean looked at him and had to swallow. There was something about the way he said that, that made his mind go somewhere it never went before. He shook the thought from his head as quickly as it entered. "Okay," He said. "Let's do this."

* * *

 

Dean stood in front of a house that was completely falling apart. The steps to the porch were broken, windows were busted, the paint was peeling and the roof was caving in on the left side. The grass was overgrown with weeds and Dean got that feeling he had been getting since they arrived in Bloomingburg. Now he knew why this all felt familiar and standing here in front of this rundown house the feeling intensified.

"Well this looks like the kind of place to have supernatural beings," Sam commented. He couldn't believe that the town hasn't knocked down this house yet. It was clearly a hazard. "So it was around back?" he asked Cas.

Cas took a minute to answer. He was busy thinking about the past. He supposed he had known then that Dean was important and he'd had a feeling that Dean was somehow going to be important to him personally. Never had he thought that he would be in love with Dean. He never thought he would be in love with anyone, but he supposed he couldn't have picked a better human to fall for. Dean is…perfectly imperfect. Yeah that was the best way to put it. Dean was flawed like anybody but he was also perfect in so many ways.

"Um, Cas?" Sam asked, braking Cas' train of thought.

"Yeah it's around back," Cas said, after clearing his throat. He lead the way to the back yard, going right to the gate type door that lead to the underground room. All three of them stood there looking down at the door.

"We have no idea what we are facing. What if the creature is down there? We have nothing to defeat her with," Sam said, logically. He scratched at his cheek, "We should try to figure out what we are dealing with first."

Dean looked at him stunned. "Sam there could be scared kids down there. We can't just leave," he said. There was no way he was going to leave if those kids where here and he was shocked that Sammy would suggest they do.

Sam looked at Dean with a defensive look on his face. "I'm just trying to be reasonable Dean. If we go in there with no idea what we are facing, we could get those kids and ourselves killed."

"She is affected by light," Cas cut in. "That's how I was able to get you guys away before. I believe that is the reason she wears the hood over her face."

"Okay so we go in and if we see her, Cas can do his angel thing and we grab the kids and get the hell out of dodge," Dean said, slapping Sammy on the arm before opening the door.

He watched as Cas walked over to what looked like a wide pipe sticking out of the ground. Cas looked over at Dean and their eyes met for a moment, then out of now where the ground under Cas collapsed and Cas was gone.

"Cas!" Dean yelled, fear filling his stomach. He ran to where the ground gave way. He couldn't see to the bottom of the massive hole. "Cas!" Dean cried out again, his heart beating frantically in his chest.

"I'm stuck!" Cas' gruff voice replied with strain.

The relief that filled Dean made him dizzy. God if anything had happened to Cas…Dean shook his head. Okay now he was getting annoyed. He was acting as if Cas were more than a best friend and that was just ridiculous.

"Can't you just poof yourself out of there?" Sam asked. He looked over at Dean who wore an expression he had seen before. It was also an expression that confused him. The last time he had seen it was when Lisa had been in trouble.

"Heaven is still in distress. My powers are still under strain." Cas replied, the pain was clear in his voice. "I might have been able to if something wasn't stabbing me."

Dean went back to the stairs, "Son of a bitch," He cursed. "The damn stairs are caved in." Dean looked over at Sammy who looked as worried as he felt. "What are we going to do?" Dean asked, feeling a little panicked. He took a deep breath, knowing he needed to stay level headed. It wasn't like him to panic in a crisis.

"There is rope in the trunk. I can lower you down," Sam said, he walked quickly to the front of the house.

Dean went back to the hole and looked down into it. He couldn't make out a damn thing. "Cas you doing okay?" he asked.

Cas looked up to the light. He could barely make out Dean's shape. "Yeah, I'm okay," he replied, with a wince. Whatever was in his side was causing him a great deal of pain. It was just another reminder of why he needed to lead in heaven. The angels were all struggling with the lack of power and the only way to get all angels back to their original power was to restore heaven.

Sam returned with the rope, quickly tying it to the closest tree. "I hope it reaches," Sam said, giving dean a concerned look.

"It'll have too," Dean replied. He tossed the rope into the hole, and took the flashlight that Sam held out to him. Dean turned It on, then tucked it into his pocket.

"Be careful," Sam said, receiving a nod from Dean.

Dean carefully began to lower himself into the hole. He slipped a couple time but was able to catch himself. "You doing okay?" he heard Sammy ask.

"I'm okay, but the rope isn't long enough," Dean replied. "I can't see the bottom, I'm going to have to pray it's close."

"Wait, Dean!" Sam said quickly. "We can't risk you getting hurt too."

"Sam, Cas is down here. He is worth my life," Dean argued, meaning every word.

Sam sighed, pulling his brow down with worry. He was worried because he wasn't sure where Dean's head was at. Sure Dean would give his life for Cas but what if this was just the reason he needed to end his own life? The whole Demon thing had really messed with him. Sam knew Dean had nightmares about it because he had called out in his sleep a few times and there had been times when Sam was sure Dean wished he could escape all of this crap. Sam closed his eyes trying not to let his emotions free. Dean was okay. He had to be. "Fine," he finally said.

Dean went to the very end of the rope, took a deep breath, than let go. He fell for only a few seconds before hitting the bottom, landing on his ass. He cursed, but his discomfort from the pain was the last thing on his mind. He pulled the flashlight from his pocket, using it to look around.

There was a pile of earth and buried in it was Cas. He went over to him, giving him a smile. "How you doing?" He asked. Seeing that Cas was still alive gave him an odd sort of buzz.

"Hurting," Cas replied, strained.

"Let's get you out of here," Dean said. He started to move the earth off Cas. The process took about twenty minutes but finally all the dirt was gone. Dean's stomach turned when he saw the thick stick sticking out of Cas' side.

Cas could see Dean pale at the sight of the stick in him. The sight was foreign, Dean had seen so much worse and never had he paled. "Dean it's just a stick," He said. Dean's green eyes moved to his. Cas reached for the stick and pulled it out, Dean looked panicked at this.

"Are you out of your mind!" He asked. "You could bleed out Cas." Dean took off his flannel, balled it up and placed it on the wound. Cas hissed with the contact but that was the only complaint Dean heard.

"I should heal soon," He said, hoping to ease Dean's worry. He knew it was kind of wrong, but he liked when Dean worried over him.

Dean looked at him again, his green eyes now pissed. "You son of a bitch," Dean all but yelled. "You need to have more regard for your life. You can't go around pulling sticks out of your side. What if it had hit something major? You could bleed out before you even have the chance to heal!" Dean moved his shirt to examine the wound. "It's still bleeding even now!" He recovered it, wishing he had better light. Feeling pissed at his fear of Cas dying.

Dean's anger surprised Cas. Sure he knew Dean cared for him but this anger seemed out of character for him. "Dean I will heal," Cas said softly. "I will be fine."

Dean licked his lips and looked away. He was suddenly tired and aware that his hands were burning from the rope burn.

"You guys okay down there?" Sam called, after a few minutes of silence.

"Yeah we're good," Dean called back.

"Well sort of," Sam replied. "Now we have to figure out how to get you out of there. Can you reach the rope?"

Dean grabbed Cas' hand and placed it on the shirt. "Hold it there," He said, before going over to find the rope. He stumbled over the dirt, but eventually made it to where the rope was. "No Sammy. The rope is way too high up."

"Once I heal I might be able to get us out," Cas said. He was already sounding a little better.

"Did you hear that Sammy?" Dean asked.

"Yeah," Sam said, sitting back in his heels.

"Why don't you go back to the hotel and do some research on this "Lady." There has to be something somewhere. If we aren't back in two hours come back."

"Yeah okay," Sam said, rubbing his forehead. He didn't like the idea of leaving them, but those kids could be running out of time if they haven't already. "I'm going to look into the town's local legend about the woman who steals bad children. Mrs. Blanch could be onto something there."

"Most legends have some sort of truth," Dean replied. "Two hours Sammy."

"Yeah," Sam said, as he stood. He looked around the back yard, then up to the sky. At least it was still early in the day.

 

**I hope you have all enjoyed the chapter. Please leave reviews so I know to continue. Thanks :D**


	4. Varied Legend

**Disclaimer! I do not own Supernatural or its characters. All credit go to the wonderful creators** **of Supernatural and its actors.**

Dean moved Cas gently so he was sitting against the wall, being sure not to jolt him. He sat down next to his best friend and did his best not to worry. Cas had his grace back so he should heal fairly quickly. There was no reason to worry the way he was.

Dean ran his hand over his face and looked up. If he had his way he would put all the people he loved in boxes in the bunker to keep them safe and sound. Yeah it sounded awful and he would never do it but that didn't mean he didn't want to. He was tired of losing people he loved and cared about. He lost his mother, father, Bobby, Ellen, Jo, Kevin, Benny, Lisa and Ben, along with others. Hell he had even lost Sam and Cas before, and now he is losing Cas all over again. So yeah it was no surprise he wanted to keep what he loved locked up in the safest place he knew.

"What's on your mind?" Cas asked, looking at Dean with intense eyes. He often wondered what Dean was thinking. The man had a way with looks and just now he was looking haunted. Like the past was playing in his head.

Dean looked over at Cas, his green eyes meeting Cas' piercing blue. He sighed with the gloomy feeling that washed over him. "I don't know Cas," He said, not really wanting to share the thoughts in his head. He shook it, "It just sucks that your leaving. For some reason I just thought you were always going to be around." Dean winced, wishing he could take that last part back. It felt like something you would say to a lover.

Cas took a deep breath, filling his lungs completely before blowing the air out again.' Yeah so did he,' he thought to himself. He looked away from Dean, no longer being able to look into those amazing green eyes of his. He looked down at his hand that was holding Dean's, now ruined shirt, in place. "I would stay if I could," He said, in a grim whisper.

Dean look away too, rubbing the back of his neck as he did so. He cleared his throat, "So how's the healing coming?"

"Good," Cas said feeling awkward. It was often like this with Dean after sharing any kind of emotions. Dean just wasn't one to always be open about how he was feeling. He glanced at Dean and felt like his heart was breaking. How was he supposed to leave him for heaven? Yet how could he choose Dean over his brothers and sisters?

It's not like Dean would ever feel the same about him. Sure, Dean was upset about losing yet another friend, but that's where it ended. There was nothing beyond that on Dean's side and it would be stupid for Cas to stay, in hopes that Dean would somehow, some day feel the same way.

Dean looked over at Cas who was looking at him with a yearning look in his face. Dean's brows turn down with puzzlement. "What?" he asked, feeling self-conscious.

"Dean I," Cas had started to say without knowing where exactly he had planned to go from there. What was he going to say? I want you? I need you in ways you wouldn't want me? I have fallen so in love with you I can't keep you out of my mind? Yeah, none of that would have sat well with Dean and the last thing he wanted was for things to be odd between them.

Dean waited for Cas to go on and when he didn't Dean said, "You doing okay? Are you in a lot of pain?" Dean moved quickly, worry taking over. He moved the shirt that covered the wound on Cas' side. The wound was healing and no longer bleeding. He looked up at Cas and again was puzzled. "Well?" he asked, getting uncomfortable with the atmosphere, it was too intimate for his comfort.

"Nothing," Cas said, giving Dean a smile, hoping to ease his discomfort. "I just wish I could stay," He added with a shrug. "Anyway, I should be able to get us out of here within the hour."

* * *

Sam went to the park he apparently had been taken from when he was four. It was odd knowing this from Cas' point of view but with heaven still in turmoil it was the best Cas could do. He was here in hopes to talk to some of the local children about the urban legend that has supposedly circled around this town for decades. The park was full of kids and he decided to start with the oldest of them.

He walked over to a group of teens who sat in a circle in the grass. There were five of them and they all looked up at him as he approached. "Can we help you?" a girl asked in a snotty tone. She cupped the side of her face as she spoke to keep the sun from her eyes.

"Yeah actually I think you might be able to," Sam replied, not caring about the tone the blond used with him. "I'm a journalist and writing a paper on urban legends and I heard this town has one of its own. You guys wouldn't happen to know anything about it, would you?" There was a round of yes and yeah.

"The legend varies some, but I think everyone knows about the Childless Lady," The blond with an attitude said.

"My father has always called her the Hooded Lady," a Goth looking Boy said. He looked over to the boy next to him who Shrugged.

"My mother refers to her as the Child Snatcher and my father swears her real name is Lady Ann," A girl with blue and green hair said with a giggle. "They have had arguments over it, no joke." There was a round of laughter.

Sam sat so he was more at their level than said, "Can you guys tell me the tale?"

"Well like I said before it varies, but the way I heard it was a long time ago there was a woman who had three children. They grew very ill and passed away, all one week from each other. It is said that she then killed herself and now she hunts this town and steals the sick children in hopes of nourishing them back to health." The blond paused and squinted her pale blue eyes. "I do know that this isn't the most popular version though," She added with a shrug.

"Yeah I don't think so," the Goth kid chimed in. "Our parents," He said, pointing to the boy next to him. "They said that she was a witch while she lived and her victims were the towns children. She would hex them and use her voodoo on them. The towns people grew angry, so while the witch slept they ambushed her, burning her alive. Now she haunts the town and punishes the towns people for killing her by taking their kids."

"My mother thinks she was a mother who was strict and abusive. It's said that after she killed their younger sister, the two older brothers killed her and now she steals the bad children." The girl with blue and green hair said. "My father thinks that Lady Ann was an innocent woman who kidnapped," She used air quotations as she said the word Kidnapped. "Children from abusive parents. When she was found she was killed and now she takes children from abusive parents and gives them to people who want children but can't have them."

"My grandmother calls her the Essence Breather," the brunette who had been quite up till now said, with a frightened voice. "She said that the woman was a creature bred from anger and sorrow." She looked up at Sam with silence.

"And?" Sam prompted when she didn't go on. He could tell the story frightened her but he needed to know it.

The girl bit her bottom lips, looking up at him with hazel eyes that looks old. "A long time ago there was a man who had a wife and three kids. The woman grew ill and the man didn't want to lose his wife so he went in search of anything that could cure her." The girl looked over at the Goth boy who chuckled.

"Oh come on, we all know that your grandma is crazy," He said to her, rolling his eyes.

"She is not crazy!" The brunette snapped, her eyes narrowing.

"Okay," Sam said holding his hands up to stop the arguing. "Tell me the rest of the story," He said to the girl.

She glared at the boy for a moment before looking back at him. "Anyway my grandma said that he ran into a witch who said she could make it so that his wife could live, but his three children would have to die in her place. The man thought on it and decided they could always make more children so he agreed. What he didn't know was the woman would have to suck the essence out of her three children in order to live. Now the woman has to suck the essence of three children every so often in order to survive."

"That's the least heard of version of the story and the most common one is the Child Snatcher version," The brother of the Goth boy said.

"Is there any others that you've heard of?" Sam asked. All the teens shrugged and shook their heads.

"I guess there might be some variations of what you heard but nothing major that I can think of," The blond said with a shrug.

Sam got up, thanked the teens and made his way back to the impala, his head swimming with their stories. They all had some of the same elements that matched or were at least close. They all involved a woman, all involved children and all involved the woman taking the children for one reason or another. So what he needed now was to find the truth. There had to be an event that started all this. Something that triggered this legend to be born in the first place and he knew whatever it was would be at least one-hundred years old.

Sam got in the car with a sigh. There was one thing that none of the stories answered, were the children ever found, dead or alive? He started the car and looked back over at the park where all the kids were playing. Were the kids that were missing already out of time? And even if they found and saved them what would stop the woman from going after more children. Sam pulled from the parking spot, it was time to do some research and then check on Dean and Cas if they didn't show up.

* * *

Cas stood, looking down at Dean with a smile. It had only been an hour since Sam had left them and he was now fully healed. Yes, it was far from what it should be, he should be able to heal in seconds, but it didn't take as long as it could have. "I think I can get us out of here now."

Dean stood as well, stretching as he did so. He grumbled at the idea of beaming. "You know I hate that crap," He said out loud.

Cas nodded with a smile, "I do recall, however that is the only way out of here."

Dean grumbled some more and Cas couldn't help but smile. It was things like this he would miss the most. The small things that he didn't really ever think about before. "You ready?" Cas asked. Dean nodded his reply, stepping closer to Cas. Cas reached out, placing his hand gently on Dean's arm. The touch was as it always was, like electricity flowed through them, causing his fingers to tingle. His stare met Dean's for a second before "beaming" them.

Beaming was the oddest thing in Dean's opinion. One second you were in a hole in the ground and the next you were back in your motel room. Dean sat down on the closest bed to him. Beaming often made him queasy and lightheaded, freaking beaming.

He looked up as Cas walked over to the window and peered out. His stomach got butterflies as he thought about Cas' touch. It was something the man had done a thousand times, yet this is the first it affected him like it did. Dean stood, shaking the thought from his head. Again he was not going there, he loved Cas sure, but like a brother.

"You're dirty," he said to Cas as he went to the motel door. "I'm going to the gas station down the street for snacks, you should wash up."

Dean left the room feeling too weird to stay in the room with just Cas. The last couple days have just been too much for him and his emotions were all over the place. Maybe it was because of the mark of Cain, that would make some sense, though you would think that it would cause him to feel anger, not love.

Dean walked into the store and went straight for the porn mags, then over to the candy aisle. He grabbed some for Sam and then picked up some beer before going to the checkout counter. Yeah this is what he needed, some normalcy.

Cas took Dean's advice, going into the bathroom and turned the water on. He didn't actually _have_ to take a shower, but right now he could use the soothing spray of the water.

By the time he finished with his shower, Dean had returned with an arm full of junk food and beers. The sight made him smile as he dried his hair with the towel. "No pie?" Cas asked.

"Nope," Dean said without looking over at him.

Cas could tell that Dean was purposely not looking at him. "Is something wrong Dean?" He asked.

Dean shook his head and chuckled, "Naw man, everything's fine. I'm going to shower," Dean said, hiding the magazine under his jacket.

Cas watched him go to the bathroom and wondered if Dean had actually thought he was fooling him. He knew damn well there was a porn magazine hidden in Dean's clothes. It hurt a little to know what Dean was going to do with that magazine, but he had no right.

Once the door was closed Cas sat on the bed and tried not to think about what Dean was doing right this second. Sadly though the images kept creeping into his mind. Dean gripping his length, stroking himself until he climaxed. His muscles coiling as he moved. Cas shifted on the bed, needed to readjust himself. This was hugely inappropriate, at least that's what he kept telling himself because every time Dean did something that turned him on it always felt so right.

After Dean did his thing he jumped into the shower and started to scrub himself clean. For some reason he felt dirty for what he just did. Hell he must have jacked off a thousand times and never did he feel dirty for it. It was a natural thing to do and everyone did it. He let out a frustrated sigh as he rinsed the soap from his skin. What the hell was going one with him?

There was a knock on the door, followed by Cas' voice, "Sam is back," Cas said. "He has news."

Cas' voice seemed to stir up something in Dean's stomach. Something Dean refused to acknowledge, there was no way he was even going there. "Okay, be out in a second."

When Dean walked out of the bathroom he didn't look at Cas at all. He put his full attention on Sam. "So what do we have?" Dean asked, taking a seat at the table.

Sam sat across from Dean. "Well there is a popular legend around here about a woman who takes children. The legend varies , some say she was a witch who was murdered by the towns people because she hexed their kids and now she punishes them by taking the towns kids. Others say she had three kids who all got ill and passed away and now she steals sick kids in hopes of making them better. Some think she steals bad children, while other think she steels abused children."

"So we're dealing with a Tulpa?" Dean asked, cutting Sam off.

"That's what I thought too, but there are too many variations. I don't think enough of them believe in any single one to make it come to life. So I did the next logical thing-"

"You went to the library and?" Dean asked, receiving a glare from Sam. He shrugged and waited for Sam's answer.

"I looked up any deaths or happenings that matched any details of the legends and found an article on a man who killed his wife and three kids back in 1846. Can you guess the gender of the children and how old they were?" Sam asked.

"Two boys and a girl, eight, four and two," Dean replied shaking his head. "But I don't get it? If this is an angry spirit why go after kids. Why not men who have murdered their wives?"

"I'm not sure it is a spirit," Cas said from the bed he sat on.

Dean looked over at him. "Then what is it?" he asked.

Cas shrugged, "I don't know the answer to that, but it doesn't seem like a ghost."

"The man, William James Montgomery, said that he was just trying to save his wife. He also never confessed to the murder." Sam wiped at his face. "I don't know, something seems off about the story. Like there was a piece of the puzzle that's missing."

"Well it's not like we can ask him, he's dead," Dean said, sarcastically.

"There is another legend," Sam said, with uncertainty. "The other kids scoffed at it, so I didn't put much thought into it, but maybe. She said a man went in search for a cure for his sick wife and ran into a witch who granted him his wish, but it involved the killing of his three children," Sam shook his head with a sigh. "Sounds pretty damn close to the article."

"But the wife died, so she would have to be a spirit," Dean said, feeling like things didn't add up.

"Well she was buried in a local cemetery. We can dig up the grave, burn the bones just in case," Sam suggested.

"Wait," Dean said, the thought hitting him suddenly. "Why can't you just sense them Cas?"

"I've tried. It would seem that they are hidden from angels. Most likely angel wardings," Cas replied feeling helpless. "Even if burning her bones kills her we still have no idea where those kids are."

"I know, but if we gank her ass than she can't hurt the kids," Dean sighed with irritation. "But yeah, killing her gets us no closer to the kids. We don't even know if they're alive. I mean it's been what? Four days now?"

"Yeah and we are no closer to finding them now than we were when we started," Sam said. He hated when they had no clue where to start. "I wonder if they have an historian," Sam said, thinking out loud. This got him a questioning look from Dean. "An historian might have some more insight on the murder of Ann and her kids. The wife's name was Ann," Sam answered Dean's unspoken question.

"Okay than, you go see about a historian, Cas and I will go dig us a grave," Dean said, feeling better now that they had a plan.

Sam agreed to this and they all got a move on. Dean let Sam take baby since Cas could just beam them to the graveyard. Yay!

Cas beamed them right outside the graveyard, and let go of Dean quickly. 'Thank god,' he thought because the touching was getting really weird. Without another thought on the subject, Dean walked in to the graveyard with the mission on his mind, find Ann Montgomery's grave and burn the bones.

Cas walked a little ways away from Dean so they could cover more ground. He glanced over at Dean every so often just to look. There was something so…was sexy the word? Cas wondered. There was something so sexy about the way Dean moved. Cas thought on it for a moment and decided sexy was close to what he meant yet there was more to it than that. Dean moved so precisely, like every move was calculated. He supposed when you grew up the way Dean did you learned to move that way. Yeah Sam moved that way too, but there was something about Dean.

"I found her," Dean called out, cutting into Cas' thoughts. Cas went to him and looked down at the grave stone that read, Ann Marie Montgomery 1818-1846 beloved mother. "She was twenty eight," Dean said sadly, his brow pulled down over his eyes. "Didn't Mrs. Blanch say that the children went missing every twenty eight years?"

"Yeah," Cas replied. "Perhaps her age has something to do with all of this."

"Yeah," Dean said baffled. "But what?" He shook his head and started to dig. There was no point in wasting time and they needed to get this done. It took him a bit of time but finally he got to the bottom.

Dean used the shovel to break open the wooden coffin. He peered into it with disappointment. "It's freaking empty!" He said frustrated, throwing down the shovel. He lifted himself up from inside the grave with a grumble.

"Maybe there was an error," Cas suggested. He watched as Dean wiped a hand down his face. He knew Dean was pissed and he knew the reason. "We are doing everything we can Dean."

Dean looked at Cas with a deep sigh. "I know man, I just feel like we are failing them." Dean ran his hand threw is hair feeling unsettled. What the hell were they facing and where on earth were those kids? God, please let them be alive.

* * *

Sam walked into the large room and was reminded of a mini messy library. There were books and folders scattered about. Boxes were stacked high and papers seemed to be just laying randomly about. "Hello?" Sam called out, unsure he was in the right room. He had found someone who knew the town's history better than anyone.

"Yes hi," a feminine voice replied. A woman emerged from a door on the other side of the room. She was about five foot three in height and pretty. She wore her black hair up in a fancy twist and her stunning green eyes looked him over from behind a pair of dark blue glasses that framed her face like they were made for her. She wore a light blue wrap-a-round shirt with a pair of blue jeans. "Sorry about the mess, I'm just moving in and still unpacking." She walked up to him and held out her hand, "Julianne Moreno."

Sam took her hand, returning the gesture, "Sam Winchester."

"So Sam, what can I do for you?" Julianne asked with a smile.

"Well I heard that you were the historian of the town," Sam said, returning her smile.

Julianne blushed a little, just a hint of pink flushed her cheeks. "Well I'm not official but I have been studying the town's history for years. What would you like to know?" She asked, tilting her head a bit to the left and giving him questioning eyes.

"Well, I was hoping you would know something about William James Montgomery? He was arrested for murdering his wife and kids back in eighteen forty-six?" Sam watched as her eyes narrowed and a thoughtful look came on her face.

"Hmm, I feel like I have recently come across that name," She said, placing her hands on her hips as she looked about her office. "Where oh where," She spoke to herself out loud.

She went over to a box that had looked like it was at least ten years old. Julianne stood on her toes as she leaned into it. She came out empty handed. "Oh wait!" She exclaimed after another minute of thought. She walked quickly to a book case and opened the doors that hid the bottom of it. She took a moment before pulling out a small book. "I knew I saw the name somewhere," She said, walking back over to Sam and handed him the small, thin book.

"'The truth' by William James Montgomery," Sam read the cover out loud. "He wrote a book?" Sam asked, mostly to himself.

"Yeah and a weird one at that. I don't know much about him, but I know that he spent the last few years of his life secluded in the psyche ward," She shook her head with empathy. "It's sad to go alone. I mean I know he was a killer, but still." She looked up at him and chuckled. "Anyway," She said with a wave of her hand. "Leave it to me to have sympathy for a murder."

Sam had to smile at her. There was something about her that made him want to sit and talk to her for hours but he had a job to do. "I don't think there is anything wrong with being compassionate," He said with a shrug. "You mind if I borrow this? I promise I will bring it back."

"Sure, but why do you want to know about a man who lived over a hundred years ago?" She asked curiously.

"Why do you want to know a lot of things that happened over a hundred years ago?" Sam countered.

She gave him another smile, "Touché," she said. "Well like I said he tells an odd tale."

"I'm an export on the odd," Sam said, unable to stop himself. He cleared his throat and gave her a nod. "Thanks again," he said, before leaving the way he entered. 'If he was normal,' he thought to himself, 'he would have asked her out on a date.'

As he walked back to the impala his phone rang. "Hey," he answered.

"Hey," Dean replied. "The grave is empty." He added peeved

"Well I have a book that was written by William James Montgomery. Apparently he wrote a book about what really happened to his wife and kids." Sam replied.

"Well that's something at least," Dean replied, sounding a little relieved. "Meet you back at the motel?"

"Yeah, I will be there soon," Sam said. The both hung up the phone. Sam looked at the small book in his hand again and prayed it gave them some kind of answer. Anything to get them closer to finding the kids and killing whatever it is that took them.

**I hope you have all enjoyed the chapter. Please leave reviews so I know to continue. Thanks :D**


	5. The Truth

**Disclaimer! I do not own Supernatural or its characters. All credit go to the wonderful creators** **of Supernatural and its actors.**

 

 

 

**James William Montgomery- 1874**

I never meant for this to happen. Today marks twenty-eight years since the incident and now I realize others will forever pay for my weakness. I was weak and desperate and made the biggest mistake of my life. A mistake no one will ever believe, one that will live on forever.

It was nearly may in eighteen forty-six and my wife, my lovely Ann had been ill for months. The doc told me that she was going to die. Something I feared as my love grew weaker and weaker with every passing day.

The kids were losing their mother and I was losing the only woman I had ever loved. I grew desperate and left the kids to care for their mother as I went in search of a miracle.

It was late in June when I sat in the saloon, drinking away my sorrows. I searched far and wide and still my Ann was passing. I had failed her. I had failed them all.

She came seemingly out of nowhere and that should have been my first clue. She was a great beauty and her smile sincere. "You look so sad," She said to me in a musical voice, and looking back that should have been my second clue.

I grumbled at her to leave me be but she wasn't having it. "Oh, but I can make you feel good," She said with a pout. Now he knew her to be a working lady.

"The only thing I want you cannot give me," I snapped at her.

She took a seat next to mine, which irritated me. I didn't want her company. At least not until she said, "I can help save your beloved."

This had my attention and I scanned her face, looking for anything that could tell me she was lying. "What do you know of my Ann?" I asked her, shocked that she could know anything.

"Your sorrow is clear on your face," She replied, taking my hand in hers. "I know that look of sorrow anywhere. What ails her?"

I watched the woman for a moment before I answered. "We have no idea what ails her. She has been ill for several months now though. You say you can heal her?"

The woman gave me a slow seducing smile. "I do, yes. Yet what do I get in return?" The woman asked, her musical voice smooth as silk.

"What do you require? I am nothing but a farmer. I have little to give. Please, please help my wife," I begged with the woman. She chucked as she stocked my hand.

"Dear me, You do love your wife don't you?" she said, then scooted closer to me. "I have a potion that will heal her of her sickness," She paused and gave me a sideways glance. "However I fear her healing comes at a great cost," She held up her finger as I began to argue my lack of money. "What I require is not of the currency type, and I know you possess them."

"What?" I asked urgently. "What is it that I possess that you want?"

"Your children," she replied in a nonchalant tone, like it was nothing that she was asking me to give her my children.

"My-my children?" I clarified. Surly I had misunderstood this woman.

She chuckled again. "Oh dear, is that too much to ask?"

I looked at her with shock. She had asked for my children. "What do you want with them? Only my eldest is any good to work the fields. He is eight, but strong. But the younger two are only four and two."

"Oh I know all about James, Thomas, and little Elizabeth. I know a lot about a lot of people," She smiled. "I don't need them for work."

I had to think quickly. How could I give up my children? Yet if I could save my Ann we could make more children. "Do you intend to harm the children?" I asked her.

"Me?" she asked placing her hand over her bosom. "Heavens no."

I looked down at the drink in my hands, could I really give this woman my children? I rubbed my forehead and cursed myself as I spoke. "My children for my wife's life," I said, holding out my hand to the woman to make the deal.

The woman just squeezed the hand she was already holding. She used her free hand and reached between her breast and pulled out a small vile. "Have your wife drink this. She will start feeling better within moments." The woman stood and started for the door.

"But what of the children?" I called after her confused. Did she not want them after all?

"Have no fear, I will collect my payment soon after." With that she was gone.

My heart felt both delight and sorrow as I headed home. It took two days to arrive and I was thrilled that my Ann was still holding on.

"Pa, you have returned!" My eldest James Robert said. He greeted me with a drink of water. "How was the journey?"

"Well my boy," I replied. "Were is your brother and sister?"

"Thomas is tending to mother while I cook supper and Elizabeth Jane is napping," He replied.

"Good, good," I said leaving him to go to Ann. The sight of her killed me, she looked so small and frail. Like she would crack if you touched her. She smiled a bit when she saw me.

"Will, you have returned," She said weakly, with a smile.

I went to her quickly, excusing my second son. "I have, my love," I said to my Ann. "I have returned with medicine." I pulled it from my pocket. "You must drink, my love." I helped her up so she could take the potion. She didn't fight as the liquid filled her mouth and drained down her throat.

The woman had not been lying. Immediately Ann's color returned and she seemed to gain pounds. She looked at him with shocked eyes and the smile that spread across her face was back to the brilliance it had been before the sickness hit. She sat up completely, "I feel amazing. I feel like I was never sick at all!" She exclaimed. "Oh will, we have been blessed!"

I hugged my wife close and thanked the heavens. Yes we had been given a miracle, or at least I thought so at the time. It was hours later when I realized this blessing we were given was really a curse.

It was late that same night and Sarah, our neighbor was there to help Ann catch up on all the chores. Ann, however, was complaining that she was hungry. She had already eaten supper and everything that was left. She cooked up another one of our chickens, ate the who thing and still she was unsatisfied.

She stood in the kitchen with her arms wrapped around herself, shaking. "Ann, my love, what's wrong?" I asked her, as I wrapped a blanket around her shoulders.

"Sarah is asleep," She said mindlessly. She looked up at me and her eyes were an odd shade of green. Almost like they were glowing. "Will, I'm just so hungry," she complained.

"I'm sorry love, I'm sure it will pass," I replied, taking her face in my hands and kissing her forehead.

"Mommy, can I have some milk?" Thomas asked, walking into the kitchen.

Ann looked at him like he was food. The expression shocked me into stillness. What an odd way to stare at the child. Ann moved to him in a way I had never seen her move before and before I knew it she had Thomas. Her mouth opened wide and the child let out a scream. I moved quickly then, trying to free him from his mother, but there was no stopping whatever it was that was happening.

Sarah ran into the room and let out a loud gasp. Something was coming out of Thomas' mouth and into Ann's. "Ann stop this!" I shouted, as Sarah ran from the house.

Ann however didn't stop. Thomas was now quiet and pale as the whiteness pulled out of him and into Ann. This lasted what felt like forever, before Ann let go of him and Thomas' lifeless body fell to the floor.

"What have you done?" I asked her as she fell to the floor next to our dead child.

She let out a cry as she pulled his body into her arms. "Oh dear heavens what have I done!" She cried out.

I had no idea how to answer her and I was taken aback by the look of her. It was like a little of her beauty was gone. I couldn't explain how, I couldn't pinpoint what changed but something did.

"Ma? Pa?" James said, as he walked into the kitchen. "Thomas!" He yelled, running over to his brother who was in his mother's embrace. "What happened?" He asked tearfully.

"James get away from her!" I shouted as Ann got that look on her face again. James however had no time to move. He too became a victim to the horror.

I was so confused with everything that was going on, but as she took the life of our older son, I too ran from the house. I went to the barn to grab my axe. My heart broke with the prospect of what I had to do but I couldn't let her take the life of little Beth.

I was too late however. By the time I got back to the house, Ann was no longer in the kitchen. She had made her way to the kids' room. My heart pounded as I opened the door that stood ajar and it dropped when I saw my little Beth dead in her mother's arms.

"My babies!" Ann cried. The sound was unhuman and chilled my bones. My Ann, my beloved Ann was no longer herself. Sure she looked a bit like her but it was like she was bonier, more creature looking. I couldn't understand why this was happening, but I knew I couldn't let her hurt any other children. I raised my axe above my head and swung. The axe struck her in the back and she went still.

I fell to my knees, covered in my Ann's blood. My life was over. My family was dead and I couldn't see how this could get any worse. I had planned on taking my own life, but Sarah had run for help and I was found there on the floor and arrested for murdering my family.

I only said one thing as they put me behind bars, "I was only trying to save my wife." There was no point in denying the murders. Everyone would think me mad if I tried to tell the truth and I didn't really care much about what happened to me now.

It wasn't until twenty-eight years later that I tried to tell my story. Three children had gone missing and found two weeks later with the same injuries as my own kids. None. There was nothing to suggest why they seemed to have just dropped dead. It was then I realized that perhaps I hadn't really killed my wife. It was then I knew that the axe did nothing but temporarily put her out. I pleaded with anyone to believe me, for I knew that in anther twenty-eight years she would return.

Why twenty eight years? It seemed fitting I suppose, she was twenty-eight years of age when she drank that poison. I realize now that in a way I did cause the death of my family. I realize now that the woman in the saloon was nothing more than a witch who tricked me. She made a monster of my wife and that monster killed my children.

No one will believe me, however, and that is my curse. My weakness is my curse. Knowing that because I couldn't let my wife go, children forever will have to endure the monster Ann had become.

If only someone would believe my story. Only then can she be stopped, though I am unsure how. The axe clearly didn't work so I couldn't imagine another weapon that might. She needs to be stopped. I write this in hopes that someday someone will come along and believe my story. I write this in hopes that someday my Ann can be put to rest.

I write this in hopes that it will give me some kind of peace in my limited days. I'm so sorry for the pain I have caused and the pain that is my fault even after I am gone.

To my children, James Robert, you were my back bone in my time of need. You were cleaver and caring and I know you would have gone far in life. Thomas William, you were the laughter we all needed. You made it easier to get out of bed each morning. Elizabeth Jane, your were the breath of fresh air. Your presence reminded us that even the smallest person had a great effect. I am so sorry I have failed you, all my children.

To my dearest Ann, I am so sorry for my weakness. I am sorry I have failed you the most. Because of me you are cursed. I have tainted your soul and my love, I am so sorry.

To all who suffer in her wake, I'm sorry. No words can make this any better. Nothing I could ever do or say can atone what I have done.

To the reader who believes my story and plans to go after Ann, may god be with you. Please find it in your hearts to give her a proper burial. After all, her sins are my doing.

 

**I hope you have all enjoyed the chapter. Reviews and comments are always appritiated Thanks :D**


	6. Dreams and Leads

**Disclaimer! I do not own Supernatural or its characters. All credit go to the wonderful creators** **of Supernatural and its actors.**

Sam read the book out loud to Dean and Cas. "If this is the truth than a witch turned a human into a monster. Have you ever heard of anything like that?" Sam asked them.

"I never have," Dean answered, still taking in William's story.

Cas shook his head slowly, a thoughtful look on his face. "It does seem unlikely that a common witch could do something like that," He paused for a moment then said, "Unless it was a really powerful witch, I would say she wasn't a witch at all. What I don't understand is why a witch would want to make a monster."

"Maybe a witch wouldn't," Sam said, thoughtfully.

"But Eve would,"

Both Dean and Cas looked at Sam with the same expression of realization. "That does seem more probable," Cas stated. "She wanted another monster."

"So do you guys think there's more than one of these 'Ladies' out there?" Dean asked, concern clear on his face.

"If there are, it will be nearly impossible to find them. The one here takes the kids every twenty-eight years because she was twenty-eight when she was turned," Sam said, with a shake of his head. "To find them all would be hard."

"There may only be one," Cas said. "There is no reason to worry about something we don't know."

"You're right," Sam said, running his hand through his hair. "Okay, we need to concentrate on finding these kids."

"There's only one problem," Dean said. "We have no idea where to look. We have no leads, nothing!" He said tensely.

"I know Dean," Sam said, worried for his brother. Dean had been on edge with everything that has happened. "If the Lady died here then I wonder if their house still stands. That is at least a good place to start," He added. There was no reason to try to talk to Dean about his worries, because Dean would just brush his fears off. He's been pretending that he is fine for months.

"It will be dark in an hour," Cas said.

"And?" Dean replied.

"It would be stupid to attack at night when she is more powerful," Cas said, looking at Dean.

"We can't just leave those kids out there Cas," Dean said, as he stood. "First we need to find out where the Lady lived, then we need to check it out," He looked over at Sam who was looking at Cas. "I'm doing this with or without you two."

"Yeah we're coming Dean," Sam said, opening his laptop. Dean walked over to the door. "Were you going?" Sam asked him. They didn't have an address yet.

Dean looked over his shoulder at Sam, who was giving him one of those worried looks. "I'm going to get us food while you figure out where the Lady used to live. We both need energy," He left, not giving Sam a chance to reply.

Sam let out a worried sigh as the door closed behind Dean. He looked up at Cas who was looking at the door, looking a lot like he felt. "Something isn't right with him," Sam said to him. Cas looked over at him and the fear in Cas' eyes made him realize, again, how much Cas cared for Dean. "One minute he's okay and the next he's edgy."

Cas looked down as he took a deep breath. "I think it's the mark. He may not be a demon anymore, but that mark is going to cause problems," Cas said, sitting down were Dean had been sitting.

Sam blinked and shook his head. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do about it. If I mention it, Dean gets all defensive or brushes it off," Sam said feeling lost. "I just want it off him."

"I'm not sure how we could do that," Cas replied. He wished he could be more helpful. He hated the look of defeat on Sam's face. Not for the first time, Cas wished he had all the answers. "Perhaps we can track down Cain. Make him take it back." Cas said, though he wasn't very hopeful.

"We?" Sam asked, raising his eyebrows.

Cas cleared his throat, "I meant you." He looked away from Sam, feeling the now familiar feeling of dread.

"I'm sorry Cas," Sam said, getting to work.

Cas looked at Sam with Confusion. "What for?" He asked.

Sam looked at him over the laptop and gave him a small smile. "I know you don't want to leave. I know you don't want to lead. I'm just saying it sucks and I'm sorry."

Sam looked back to his screen as Cas continued to look at him. He was often reminded how much he liked Sam. He wasn't as close to Sam and the bond to him was different than the one to Dean, but it still hurt to leave Sam behind as well. Sam was as much a brother to him as his real brothers were. "Thank you, Sam," He replied, receiving a quick smile from Sam.

Cas looked out the window and was surprised to see Hannah standing out there. He excused himself and went to her. "Hannah what are you doing here?" Cas asked, as he approached her.

Hannah gave him a look of disbelief. "Me?" She asked, her tone matching her facial expression. "What are YOU doing here?" she asked, disappointed.

Cas shook his head, "I'm helping them with a case," He said, trying not to sound as guilty as he felt. He knew Hannah was waiting for him, but damn it he wasn't ready.

"Castiel we need you, your brothers and sisters need you. You have to cut your ties to these humans. They are not your family! We are," she said , sternly.

Cas took a deep breath, looking around, before resting his eyes on her. "They are my family. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for them," Cas said, then let out a sound of exhaustion. "I just need a little more time," He added.

Hannah let out a sound of shock. "Castiel we need you. It is time for you to stop this madness and rejoin us, lead us," she said, in the stern tone a mother would use on her child.

"Hannah it's not that easy," Cas said, knowing she wouldn't understand. She couldn't understand the way he felt because she was too much of an angel to understand. Also because she didn't have the full story, no one really did. "I will go, I just," he stopped because he didn't know what to say. He wasn't sure anything he could say would make her understand.

Hannah grabbed Cas' arm tightly. "You must say your goodbyes Castiel!" She said in a raised voice.

Dean walked back to the motel, food in hand. He needed the walk to clear his head and now he was ready to get back to work. Hopefully Sam had found the address they needed. In the distance he could see Cas talking to a woman and as he got closer he recognized her; Hannah.

It looked like they were having an argument of some kind, which wouldn't surprise him. He had a feeling Cas was supposed to give them the news of his leaving and then go right back to heaven. To Hannah.

Dean's heart squeezed as jealousy hit him. The feeling confused him at first until he realized he wasn't jealous the way a lover was. No, he was jealous that she would get to see him and he wouldn't. That was all.

He wasn't far from them when she reached out, grabbing his arm and said in a raised voice, " You must say your goodbyes Castiel!"

"Whoa hey!" Dean said, feeling protective of Cas, running up to them. "Who the hell do you think you are?" he asked Hannah angrily.

Hannah looked at him like he were a bug. "I am Hannah and Castiel needs to come home."

"What are you, his mother?" Dean asked sarcastically. He looked at her hand that still held Cas by the arm. She must have noticed his gaze because she let him go.

"Dean," Cas said, waiting for Dean to look at him and when he did he added, "It's okay. I've got this."

"No, screw that," Dean said, feeling pissed, more pissed than the situation called for. "You don't own him!" Dean snapped at Hannah.

Dean's anger didn't faze Hannah at all. "Heaven needs him," Hannah said bluntly.

"I need him!" Dean yelled back.

Cas looked at Dean, his heart leaping at what Dean just said. But surly Dean didn't mean it in the sense that he wished it to be. Dean could never love Cas that way.

Dean couldn't believe what just came out of his mouth. He took a few calming breaths before saying, "We, we need him," Dean clarified, his throat feeling tight. What was going on with him?

Hannah looked between Cas and Dean a few times with suspicion. She didn't know much about humans or the human world but she was sure she came to the right conclusion. Her gaze rested on Cas, with accusing eyes. "Castiel you must come home."

Cas looked at her, his heart racing in his chest. "I will Hannah," He said, his heart dropping as he did so. "Just not yet."

Hannah looked at him, anger clear on her face. "You need to find where your loyalties lie Castiel," She waited a moment before going on, "Hopefully you choose right and come home where you belong." With that she glared at Dean, then was gone.

Cas' and Dean's eyes met and neither of them looked away for several seconds. Cas wished he could look into those green eyes forever. Dean wished he had the will to look away.

Sam poked his head out the door of the motel room, confused as to why they were standing out there, looking at each other the way they were. "Everything okay?" He asked, noting that the two of them jumped.

"Yeah everything's fine," Dean grumbled as he turned to Sam. "I have food," he added, as he pushed past Sam into the room, Cas following is lead.

Once the food was with its rightful owners Dean asked, "So did you find an address?"

Sam finished chewing his salad before he replied, "I did actually, but we have already been there." Dean looked at him questioningly. "It's the same house we were already at. The one I was taken to when I was taken."

"Great, so we have nothing." Dean said, pushing away his food.

Cas looked at Dean. "You need to eat," he said, worried about Dean's lack of appetite.

"How can I eat when there are missing kids out there?" Dean retorted.

"There's nothing we can do till morning. We need to go talk to the families, find out if maybe they all went to the same place. See if we can find anything to suggest where the Lady targeted the kids. " Sam said, than pointed to the hamburger. "Cas is right, you need to eat."

Dean pulled his food back to him and mindlessly did as he was told. He knew Sam was right, but that didn't mean he had to like it.

* * *

Cas watched as Dean tossed and turned in his sleep, again. He made a whimpering sort of sound and Cas' heart broke for him. Dean's nightmares seemed to be coming for frequently than before.

Cas stood and slowly walked over to the bed where Dean was sleeping. He looked down at Dean, who's face looked pained with whatever image was haunting him tonight. "I would take your pain if I could," he whispered to Dean. He would take all the worries in the world just so Dean could live one day as normal people did.

Perhaps he could give Dean one night though, with that thought, Cas sat on the edge of Dean's bed. He had the ability to get into Dean's dreams. Anyone's dreams for that matter. He could turn Dean's nightmare into anything he wanted.

"SAM!" Dean cried out as he frantically looked for his brother. The sight of Dean running through the dark woods in search of Sam was heartbreaking. "Sam where are you little brother!" Dean called out, seemly running in circles.

A hooded figure appeared, holding Sam's lifeless body in her arms, her laugh was high pitched and her body shook with it.

"No Sammy!" Dean cried out, falling to his knees as the sobs rocked through him. Cas took this time to go to him. He knelt down beside Dean who looked up at him with tear stained cheeks. "Cas I can't! Sammy's gone and it's all my fault." Dean said in a broken voice.

Unable to help himself, Cas reached over and thumbed away a tear. Dean looked at him, the green of his eyes popping from the red in his eyes. "I'm here Dean," Cas said, helping Dean to his feet, Changing the scenery as he did so.

The dark woods turned into a park at noontime. You could see a lake in the distance and there were birds singing in the blue cloudless sky. Dean looked around at the scenery with a look of awe on his face that made Cas wonder when the last time Dean had seen something this beautiful.

"What about Sammy?" Dean asked, pained. He looked at Cas, waiting for his answer.

Cas gave Dean a smile. "He's alive Dean," Cas said, using a tone that suggested Dean should know this. "He's right down there with Jess." Cas pointed down a small hill to a couple that cuddled close on a red blanket. Sam looked up to them over his shoulder with a smile and waved, before turning his attention back to Jess. Dean's fear melted away. His shoulders relaxed and he smiled a smile that reached his eyes for the first time in god only knew how long.

"Sammy's alive," Dean said reassured. He watched as his little brother hold the woman he loved close. For a moment he was in pure happiness.

Cas stood close to Dean, watching him watch Sam. The pure happiness on Dean's face was something he wasn't sure he had ever seen before. This happiness was without any hurt or pain. This happiness could only exist here in the dream world. Dean couldn't find it on his own.

Suddenly Dean's smile went away and his brow pulled over his eyes. He looked over at Cas with a concerned sort of look. "But you're still leaving aren't you?" He asked Cas soberly.

Cas looked back at him, he forgot how quickly a dream could change course. To keep it safe Cas needed to be on his toes. "I'm here Dean, I will always be here," He said with a realization. He could reach Dean's sleep state even from heaven. Here he could visit Dean. It wouldn't be the same, but it was better than nothing and he could at least ease Dean's nightmares on occasion.

Dean looked away, the moment was intimate, something he knew he should run away from, but here in this park it was hard to worry about anything. He looked back into Cas' ocean blue eyes. "You promise?" He asked Cas. For a moment he wished he could take it back. To take away the feelings that were behind it, but he somehow knew this wasn't real so what did it matter? 'But it did matter,' he tried telling himself. God, he was just so damn confused.

Cas put his hand on Dean cheek, something he would never have done in Dean's waking state. If Dean were awake, Cas was sure he would push away from his touch. "I promise you this Dean," He replied.

He let his hand linger for a moment before pulling away, only to have Dean grab his arm and pull in into a tight embrace. "I don't want to lose you Cas. You and Sam are my family and I can't live without you guys. I need you Cas," Dean said feeling completely exposed. "Don't leave me," He added, his voice breaking.

Cas' heart crumbled to pieces as he held Dean. It broke him to know just how much Dean was hurting over this. Even in sleep the fact haunted him. "I don't want to leave you Dean," Cas replied, before he knew what he was saying. Still he supposed this was a dream so he could say anything and get a pass. "I would stay with you forever if I could," He added, hugging Dean tighter. This moment he would remember forever. He waited for Dean to pull away, but he never did.

They just stood like this for what felt like forever. Dean sniffled and that was how Cas knew he was crying. Cas pulled away enough to see Dean's face. "Dean? What is it?" Cas asked confused.

"Cas I," Dean tied to say, but he shook his head. "I don't... Cas, I'm so confused."

It was Cas' turn to be lost. "What are you confused about?" Cas asked, but before he could get an answer there was a loud bang that pulled him from the dream and back to reality.

Cas moved quickly off Dean's bed, knowing that the boys might wake as another knock sounded on the door. Cas was near the door when someone knocked again. This time Dean jumped awake, knife in hand. He looked about the room quickly until his eyes rest on Cas. "It's just the door," Cas said, as he opened it.

An older woman stood on the other side, her short white curls blew in the soft wind. She held her red purse close to her side and her dull blue eyes held worry. She pulled at her black shirt as Cas looked her over. "Can I help you?" Cas asked, as Dean appeared over his shoulder.

The woman cleared her throat before speaking, "One of you gentlemen have talked to my granddaughter," She said, pausing for a moment. "Actually one of you have now talked to both my granddaughters concerning the Essences Breather," She added. Her eyes wandered around for a moment before resting back on the guys.

"I think that would be me," Sam said, stepping in front of Cas. "Why don't you come in," He said, waving her inside.

The woman hesitated. She looked over her shoulder for a moment, before nodding. "Alright," She said, stepping into the room. She looked around it and wished she hadn't, in the chair there was a pile of what looked to be weapons.

"You want to sit down?" Sam asked, gesturing to a chair at the table. He could tell she was uncomfortable and apparently so could Dean and Cas because the two sat on the bed closest to the table, trying to look as small as possible.

The woman looked up at Sam, then over to Dean and Cas. "Who are you?" She asked them all. She looked between them, waiting for her answer.

"We are here to help," Dean replied. She looked over at him and seemed to size him up. "How do you think you could help? The Essence Breather is invincible, she can't be stopped."

Dean let out a short laugh. "Yeah well she hasn't met us," He replied cockily.

Her eyes narrowed. "You have no idea who you are dealing with," She said sharply.

"We have an idea," Sam cut in, throwing Dean a glance, telling him to take it easy. "The Lady, or whatever you want to call her, has been stealing children from here for over a hundred years."

"Yes, but there is nothing you can do. I urge you not to try!" She said, her voice getting high. "She will end your lives."

"Look lady," Dean started to say.

"Rose," the woman interrupted. "Please, call me Rose."

"Okay Rose," Dean corrected. "We have been at this for a long time and there is no way we are leaving those kids with a monster," He said, surprised someone could even suggest it.

"You will never find her and if you do you can bet your ass that those kids are dead! Do you know what she does to the kids she kidnaps, hmm?" Rose asked. "She inhales their souls!" she answered before they could.

"We know Rose," Sam said gently. "How do you know what the Lady does?" He asked her curiously.

Rose took the seat Sam offered her before. She placed her purse on her lap, holding it close. "Have you read the book Julianne gave you?" Rose asked.

"Yes," Sam replied. He took the seat across from her.

"The neighbor William talks about, Sarah, is my ancestor, her side of the story has been passed down for generations. Her story matches the one William writes about," Rose looked over at Dean. "She can't be stopped," She told him.

"And we can't leave without at least trying to save them. What if the creature took one of your children or grandchildren? You would be begging us to find them," Dean said, standing. He made sure not to look over at Cas. Not with that dream still so vivid in his head.

"I have had someone taken by that creature. My Julianna was taken twenty-eight years ago," she looked surprised when all three men looked at her with wide eyes. "What?" she asked.

"She must be the little girl," Cas said to them.

"What do you mean?" Rose asked.

"Twenty-eight years ago I saved these two and a little girl from the Lady. Julianne must have been that little girl," Cas replied.

She looked at Cas in awe. "How is that even possible? When my Julie went missing I thought she was gone forever, but when she turned up I thought perhaps she managed to get away," Rose shook her head. "I never understood how, but it was a blessing she returned," she let out a sad sigh. "Though another two year old was taken in her place."

"I am an angel of the lord," Cas said dully. Dean looked over at him. The last time he had heard Cas say that it was with so much confidence it gave him chills. Now it was like he was delivering a line and nothing more.

Rose's covered her mouth with her hand. "Dear…lord," she said. She looked between Sam and Dean. "Are you two?" she asked.

"No, we are hunters," Dean replied.

"Hunters?" Rose asked confused.

"Yeah, we hunt monsters, like werewolves and vampires," Sam said to her gently. He didn't want her freaked out.

Rose sat there quietly as she took in everything they said to her. Angels? Hunters? What if they could stop the creature? "I-I was wrong," She said. "Perhaps you can stop the Essence Breather."

"That's our plan," Sam said.

She looked over at him and nodded her head. "Then I have something to tell you." They all looked at her again. "There is a cabin in the woods behind the Montgomery's old home. I' m not sure, but I think that's where she is taking the kids."

The guys all exchanged looks. "Thank you, we will look into it," Sam said, standing. He cocked his head to the side and said, "Hey, do you happen to know if she kills the kids right away?"

Rose stood too. "The story never said. Those children may already be dead," Rose looked at them all. "I still don't like the idea of three young men such as yourselves going after her."

"This is what we do Rose," Sam said, rubbing her arm gently.

"Yeah," Dean added. "The family business."

Rose looked at them all one last time before nodding. "So be it," she said. She went to the door and let herself out.

 

**I hope you have all enjoyed the chapter. Reviews and Comments are appreciated. Thanks :D**


	7. The Lady's Maze

**Disclaimer! I do not own Supernatural or its characters. All credit go to the wonderful creators** **of Supernatural and its actors.**

 

 

Sam and Dean stood side by side as they looked at the back yard they were in before, their pockets full of all the weapons they could think of. Something had to work on the Lady.

They walked to the edge of the woods, making sure to stay clear of the hole in the ground. "There are a lot of woods back here," Cas said, pointing out the obvious.

"We'll split up," Dean said. It was still dark and they had a few hours till dawn, but the idea of waiting for light didn't sit well with any of them.

"We meet back here in fifteen," Sam added. They all went to a different starting point to enter the woods. Flashlight in hand, Dean started in slowly. He listened to the sounds around him, but all he could hear was the sounds his steps made. He clenched his flashlight tighter, trying to see further in front of him.

It didn't take long for him to spot a large dark object off in the distance. He walked toward it, wishing he got cell reception here. The cabin was eerie, like you might see in a horror film. The only difference was this was real and so was the creature.

The closer Dean got to the cabin the slower he walked, looking around himself cautiously, listening for any sounds telling him he was no longer alone. He made it to the cabin's door, surprised at the ease of it. He peeked inside, but all he could see was a dark room that seemed empty.

With a sigh he turned to go find the others, but he heard the scream of a child and he rushed in, pointing the light every which way. At first he was confused, he stood in a one room cabin that seemed empty. It wasn't until he pointed the light down that he noticed the door in the floor. He pulled the string that opened it, and went in without any thought, he had to get to those kids.

If it were at all possible, Dean would say that it was even darker down here than it had been in the cabin. The temperature down here was cool and the smell of earth made him feel fear and guilt. Weird! He flashed the light to his right and left and both ways had a tunnel that led out of sight.

Dean chose left and started down the dirt tunnel cautiously. He wished that the child would scream again so he had some sort of direction, then he felt bad because if the child was screaming it was probably not a good sign.

As he walked he looked around him, stopping when he came to a point where he could turn or continue going straight. He turned right, following it down to the end where he had no another choice but to go right or left. He chose right again, trying to remember the way he'd gone. Left, right, right, than another left. This place was like a damn maze.

After a few more turns Dean finally came to a door, he tried the handle and actually wasn't surprised to find that it opened. No one could easily find their way out of this place. He went in slowly, pointing his flashlight around until it rested on a child who was curled up in the corner.

Dean lowered the light so it didn't shine in her eyes. She looked up at him and whimpered, like she didn't know if she could trust him. Her red hair was matted and her blue eyes were red from crying. "Hey," Dean said gently, keeping his voice as soft as he could. "You okay little one?" Dean asked, slowly approaching her.

The little girl looked at him, wide eyes unsure. When he was a few steps away from her he lowered to the ground. "I won't hurt you," He said unsure she would understand. She was only two after all. "I'm here to help you Gabriella."

The girl rose slowly after he said her name, her eyes held fear as she took a step toward him. Dean held out his arms for her, not moving any closer. The girl reached out and touched Dean's face, seeming to size him up. Dean got the weird feeling that she was scanning him.

When she threw her arms around his neck he was surprised, but he quickly wrapped his arms around her. She sobbed on his shoulder as he stood. "Shh," He said, hushing her. He felt awkward but he began bouncing her a little. "I've got you Gabriella, it's alright.

He wasn't sure how long it took her to become calmed but the moment she was silent he walked from the room, holding her in one arm, using his free hand to hold the flash light. He tried tracing his steps, but was unsure of all the ways he had turned and all the dirt tunnels looked the same. After a while he had to admit that he was lost.

* * *

"Where is he?" Cas asked Sam, concern clear in his voice. He looked around them again, hoping to see Dean emerge from the woods.

Sam didn't answer at first, he was trying to get Dean on his cell. "I don't know, he should have been back here fifteen minutes ago," Sam replied when Dean cell went to voice mail. "Let's just give him a few more minutes," Sam said, keeping his voice as level as he could, though he felt panic in his chest.

"Right," Cas said in agreement, he too was keeping his voice level though on the inside he was panicked. What if Dean had found the cabin and went in without them? Cas wanted to believe that Dean wasn't that stupid, but he had no clue where Dean's head was at. All he knew for sure was that Dean wasn't himself and that scared him.

Sam sighed next to him, running his hand through his hair. Cas could tell that Dean had him worried as well. "Do you think he would off himself?" Cas asked, unable to help himself. For the most part it didn't seem like Dean would kill himself. It just wasn't Dean, but in moments like this it was hard to know for sure.

Sam looked at him with worry. He swallowed before replying, "I don't know Cas. He might do stupid things that could get him killed." Sam looked at the wood where Dean had gone in. "But I don't think he would purposely get himself killed," Sam added, trying to convince them both. Dean wasn't always Dean these days and it worried him.

Cas walked over to the woods where Dean had entered. "I'm not waiting another minute. He could need us, Sam." Sam didn't argue with him, instead he followed his lead and the two entered the woods, their flashlights lighting the way.

"Look there," Cas said, pointing to the large dark shape in the distance.

"Looks like he did find it," Sam said, worry was now clear in his voice. What the hell did Dean do? He followed Cas up to the cabin, they made their way slowly, trying to be as quite as possible.

"It's kind of creepy," Cas said quietly, as they stood at the entrance. He walked in first, moving his light around what seemed to be a one room cabin. The familiar dread ran through him, the one that hit him every time Dean was in some kind of trouble. He couldn't help but think that this could be it, this could be the time Dean stays dead.

"He must have gone down," Sam said, cutting into Cas' thoughts. Cas looked over at him, then followed Sam's light to the door in the floor. Sam went to it and pulled the rope to open it. "Looks like we're going down," Sam said, before putting his flashlight into his mouth, and making his way down the ladder.

Cas followed the moment Sam gave the okay. Once he was down he knew the place was warded. "I'm powerless down here," Cas said, hating the idea. He never much liked not being an angel. There would be only one reason to give up his wings and that would be Dean.

"You have your blade?" Sam asked.

"Of course," Cas replied. He looked left and right. "Perhaps we should split up, we might find him quicker."

"Yeah, okay," Sam said, he too looked left and right. "I will go this way," He said, tilting his head to the right.

Cas agreed and they parted ways. Cas walked slowly, noticing there were places he could turn down as he went. He stopped at the fourth turn off and looked back down the earth tunnel. He thought for a moment before going back the way he came, Dean probably turned down the first turn off he came to.

Cas looked down the first tunnel before going down it. There was a few turn offs, but Cas followed his instincts and followed the tunnel down until he had no choice but to go right or left. Cas let out a frustrated sigh, this place was a damn maze and he was sure it was meant to keep the kids from ever escaping or anyone else for that matter. He took a minute to decide, but he went right and prayed it was the right way.

Sam wasn't having any more luck than Cas was. He had come to two dead ends and he was sure that he was now walking in a circle. "Damn it!" He said in quit frustration. At this point he was never going to find the kids or Dean.

Sam turned left and decided to follow it all the way down. At the end he could only turn right, so he followed it down until the tunnel ended at a door. He tried the handle and was surprised when it opened easily. He stood at the door as he flashed his light in. He stopped when his light landed on a small child, who was laying on his back on the ground.

Sam walked into the room slowly, the child still laid there and Sam was afraid that he was too late. He reached down to check the child's pulse, the child jumped up and bolted to the corner. Sam jumped at the sudden movement and held up his free hand to show he wouldn't hurt the kid. "It's okay," He said in a soft tone. "I'm here to help you."

"Who-who are you?" The boy asked in a shaky voice. He wrapped his arms around himself in a way that broke Sam's heart, no four year old should ever have to be that scared.

Sam knelt on his knee to be at the child's height. "My name's Sam. I'm here to bring you home," Sam replied. "Are you Matt?"

The boy looked Sam in the eyes as he nodded. "Did my mommy send you?" Matt asked, leaning toward Sam.

"No, but she will be real happy to have you home," Sam replied. There was a pause in which Matt seemed to think for a moment. "I should have listened to my brother. He told me that the Childless Lady takes children who are bad and I was bad the night I was taken."

"It's okay Matt. I won't let her hurt you, but we have to leave now okay?" Sam asked, holding out his hand for Matt's. He took a minute, but he walked over and took Sam's hand.

"You're really tall," The Matt said, when Sam stood.

Sam laughed a little. "I know," He replied, leading Matt from the room. Now he had to try to get them out and that was going to be the hard part.

* * *

Dean stopped walking and took a minute to look around him, the creature was a smart one for sure. The fact that she made this underground maze amazed him.

"Want mommy," Gabriella said, clinging tighter to Dean's neck.

"I know you do," Dean said softly, holding her closer to him. "I got you sweetie." He added to comfort her.

She leaned away to look at him, her blue eyes weren't as red as they were before. "You angel?" she asked, stunning Dean with the question. He wanted to laugh, then he wanted to cry because he was far from an angel. Especially this child's version of an angel. Most people thought of angels as beautiful servants of god, here to help and protect. Not the ass hats that most angels truly were. Her question hurt more than he thought it ever could because he was the opposite of an angel, he was tainted by the mark of Cain, his blood forever stained by being a demon. There was no redemption for him, he knew when he died he would end up in hell, the only mystery was the when and how.

"I'm not an angel," Dean replied, giving her his best smile. "But my best friend is," He added, his smile getting bigger as he thought of Cas.

Gabriella snuggled back against him as Dean wondered if she understood what he said to her. "One thing I know for sure is we need to get out of here," Dean said out loud. He turned left and found himself in front of another door. He opened it to find the room empty. It was the third empty room he had come to, but he had to check them all. If he could find the others before leaving it would be better.

Of course saving the kids was only half the battle. They needed to find the Lady and find a way to gank her before she snatches more children to replace the ones they save.

Left, right, right, straight, dead end, another empty room. "Son of a-," Dean stopped himself from finishing. It didn't seem right to cuss in front of Gabriella, even if she was snoring lightly against his neck. He was starting to get pissed with this whole maze BS.

He turned from the empty room, turning left at the first opening he came to. He followed it down, pausing when he heard a sound. It sounded like someone, or something, was coming toward them. He shifted Gabriella so he could use his hand to take the flashlight and palmed his knife in his free hand. Dean leaned against the wall, trying to blend in as the foot falls got closer.

"What's that?" Gabriella asked, her little fist gripped the back of his shirt.

"Shh," Dean replied, making sure his grip on her was good.

The light appeared first, which threw Dean off, from his understanding the Lady couldn't stand light. He heard voices next, "Are we lost?" a child asked. "A little," a voice Dean recognized replied.

"Sam?" Dean said.

The footfalls ceased. "Dean?" Sam said back.

"Yeah," Dean said, lowing his knife. He walked toward Sam until they could see each other. "You found one," He said.

Sam laughed at Dean's obvious statement. "You too," Sam replied. "We went looking for you when you never showed up at out meeting point."

"Well you found me," Dean replied. He looked behind Sam expecting to see Cas but he wasn't there. His eyes narrowed in question, "Where's Cas?"

Sam shrugged, "We split up when we got down here. If I had known this place was a maze I never would have done it."

"That's okay, he can just zap himself out of here," Dean said, taking comfort in that fact.

"Um," Sam said, getting Dean's attention. "Actually it's angel warded down here. He is powerless."

"Okay," Dean said calmly. Cas would be fine, he knew how to handle himself. "Let's get these kids out of here."

"What about the third one?" Sam asked, following Dean down the earth tunnel.

"We have to hope we find him on our way out. If not, we get these two to safety and came back for the other," Dean replied. He didn't like the idea of leaving a child behind, but he would rather get these two to safety than get them hurt in the process of saving the other.

'Well this was perfect,' Cas thought to himself. He was lost in this maze and he still hadn't found any children. He was hoping that Sam and Dean were having better luck than him. He came to a door, and opened it to find yet another empty room.

With a sigh he went in. All the rooms looked the same, small, dark and square. He couldn't understand why she would need so many rooms when she only took three children at a time.

* * *

Cas stiffened as the door behind him squeaked closed. He could feel the Lady's presents, the chilling effect she had on a room hadn't changed. Cas turned, but it was too late. The Lady attacked him, he could feel her nails dig into his arm and down his chest.

Cas dropped the flashlight as he let out a pained scream, it felt like he had just been scratched by an angel blade, but he knew it was her nails. He tried to fight back, but his body seemed disconnected from him. His arm wouldn't move and he couldn't feel his chest. The numbness quickly spread, causing him to lose feeling to his entire body. Cas hit the ground hard when he could no longer hold himself up.

His mind raced as he watched the Lady walk from the room. What the hell did she do to him? Would the guys find him? Was he going to die here?

He closed his eyes as he thought of dying. He didn't fear death. What he feared was never seeing Dean again. Dean's face filled his vison and it made him want to cry. He couldn't die without seeing Dean one last time. He tried to move but the blackness was closing in on him. Cas tried to fight it off, he needed to see Dean, needed to tell Dean how he felt. He suddenly needed Dean to know. Again Cas tried to stand and again he failed. He rested his head on the ground and the darkness pulled him under.

 

**I hope you have all enjoyed the chapter. Please leave reviews so I know to continue. Thanks :D**


	8. Hallucinations

**Disclaimer! I do not own Supernatural or its characters. All credit go to the wonderful creators** **of Supernatural and its actors.**

 

 

Dean felt like he was hit with bricks when he heard Cas' screams. It was like his blood was running cold and his heart stopped. He clenched Gabriella and looked over at Sam with terrified eyes. He had to swallow down the fear before he could speak, "Was that Cas?" Dean asked, keeping his voice as level as he could.

"I think so," Sam replied. "Dean?" Sam asked concerned, Dean was looking pale.

Dean looked back at Sam. "I'm fine," Dean said dryly. "We have to look for him," Dean said, starting to walk in the direction the scream came from, though in this maze that was easier said than done. He thought Sam was going to protest, but he followed Dean in silence.

* * *

Cas woke slowly, not sure about where he was. He drew in a few deep breaths, smelling the earth. The smell reminded him he was underground in the maze. He was looking for the children and Dean.

He opened his heavy eyes and looked around, but nothing looked right, it was like he was looking through fog. Cas blinked a few time trying to clear his vision, but it stayed the same. What the hell was going on? He felt like he was hit by a damn bus.

Cas rose slowly, his body felt achy and heavy but at least now he could feel his limbs. He had to use the wall for support once he was finally able to stand. Again he tried to blink the fog from his eyes. He looked around him, his mind hazy. He couldn't seem to get his mind to concentrate, like his eyes, his head felt Foggy.

He remembered the creature scratching at him, slashing into his arm and across his chest. He looked down to see the horror show. He had claw marks that went from his left arm and down across his chest and he was bleeding. His body hurt, but not because of the gashes, he couldn't feel those at all. What the hell did that creature do to him? Was it the scratch that was making him feel so groggy? Did she somehow poison him?

He shook his head, trying to clear it, then walked slowly from the room, using the walls to keep himself standing. This was crazy, how could this creature have this kind of effect on him?

He wasn't sure how long he had been dragging himself down the tunnel, he was tired, hurting, and waiting for the Lady to attack again. He watched his feet as he walked, unable to hold his head up for long.

"Cas," a familiar voice said to him. He looked up, his blood draining from his face. Dean's beautiful green eyes were back to black.

* * *

"Another door," Sam said, looked over his should to Dean. He moved Matt so that he was behind him. He didn't really think the Lady was in there, but there was no point in risking it.

Dean held Gabriella closer and put his hand on Matt's shoulder, like Sam he wasn't taking any chances. Sam opened the door slowly, flashing the light into the room. He stopped when his light found the eight year old boy. The kid jumped to his feet, fear in his eyes.

"It's okay," Sam said gently. "I'm Sam, this is my brother Dean. We're here to help you."

"I-I'm Leon," The kid replied, a bit shaken up. He seemed hesitant, but he took a few steps toward Sam. "A creature took me from my house. I heard a cat outside my window and when I opened it to find the cat the creature snatched me. I tried to fight her, but I couldn't." Leon said in a rush.

"It's okay Leon, you did good." Dean said, giving him a smile.

"We need to get you guys out of here," Sam said. "You stay close to us okay?" The boy nodded and they were on their way again.

"I wonder how much tunnel is really here and how many times we have walked in a circle," Sam mused after a while of walking.

"I don't know but this is really starting to piss me off," Dean grumbled.

"My feet hurt," Matt complained again. He wiped at his nose with the back of his hand as he looked up at Sam. Sam gave him a smile, and lifted him into his arms.

"Are we ever going to make it out of here?" Leon asked, he didn't like the feeling of this place.

"Sure we are," Dean said optimistically. Honestly he wasn't sure of anything, but there was no point in freaking out the kid.

"Did you hear that?" Sam asked, stopping suddenly.

Dean looked at him and listened for whatever it was Sam heard. After a moment he head it too. It sounded like a winded growling sound and it was getting closer. "The Lady?" Dean suggested with a lift of his shoulder.

"Yeah and she sounds really mad," Sam replied. He grabbed onto Leon as he looked at Dean with worried eyes. "She's going to find use before we get out of here."

"Come one," Dean said, leading them down the tunnel that turned left. He had no idea where he was going but at this point he wanted to find a room to put them in. Thankfully luck was on their side, and they quickly came to a room. Dean opened the door , and made sure it was empty. Then he shepherded them all in.

"What are we doing?" Sam asked.

"I want you to stay in here do you hear me?" Dean said to the Leon. He looked over at Sam who was putting Matt down, giving Dean a questioning look. "The creature will find us, but I promise you she won't make it through that door."

Dean tried to remove Gabriella from his neck but she refused. "No!" She shouted grabbing onto him tighter. "I don't!" She added.

It broke his heart, but he had to force her free, and she wailed. Dean gave her to Leon, who took her awkwardly into his arms. "Do not come out this door until we tell you." He took out his spare flash light, turned it on and handed it to Matt.

"Where are you going?" Leon asked, the fear clear in his voice.

"Nowhere, we will be right outside," Dean replied, looking at them all one last time before walking out. Once the door was closed behind them, he could no longer hear Gabriella's cries.

"What's the plan?" Sam asked. He watched as Dean ran his hand down his face.

"We wait for her to find us, then we use every weapon we have on us on her and pray one of them works."

Sam raised his eye brows as he sighed. It wasn't the best of plans but it was all they head. It was also smart to put the kids in a room, this way they had their hands free. "Well we need to start with the flashlights. We know light affects her."

"You think if we put her out in sun light she would catch fire? You know like they say vamps do?" Dean asked, giving Sam a smile when he looked at Dean with his 'really' look. "What?" Dean asked. "It's a legit question."

"Well even if that would work we are far from the sun," Sam replied as he pulled out his demon knife. "We have been down here for hours, it could be dark again for all we know."

Dean followed lead and pulled out the angel blade. It almost made him laugh that he was the one with the angel blade and Sam had the demon knife. Sam was closer to an angel than Dean ever could be. He looked over to his little brother, lost in thought. Sam had his run in with the dark side too didn't he? Still Sam was never evil, not the way he had been.

"We should turn off our flashlights," Sam said, turning his off. Dean showed he agreed by turning off his own. It was completely dark without the lights, but that just made their ears work better.

The sound the lady was making was getting closer. Dean felt Sam's arm brush against his. "One the count of three?" Sam asked in a whisper.

"Yeah," Dean replied as the noise got even closer. There was a pause, they wanted her as close as they could get her.

"One, two," On three they both clicked on their flashlights. The Lady was right in front of them and she made a screaming hiss sound as they blinded her with the light. She flew her arms up over her face.

Both guys took this moment to strike. Both blades went into her, her screams stopped then. She looked at them and right before their eyes she changed. She looked younger and more healthy. Her eyes went from crazed, to soft. She was beautiful. Her lips were full and her skin looked soft. She gave them a smile, before her body started to crack. Both guys pulled out their weapons, and she fell to the ground in ashes.

"That was…different," Dean said, putting away the angel blade. He opened the door and had to smile when Gabriella ran up to him and reached her little arms up for him to lift her into his arms.

"Is she gone?" Leon asked.

"Yes she is," Sam said. At least it seemed so. He didn't think she was coming back from that. "Let's get you guys home," Sam said, taking Matt's hand.

"We can't leave without Cas," Dean said, a little more aggressively than needed.

"I didn't mean that we would leave Cas Dean," Sam said defensively. "I just meant that we needed to get walking."

"Right," Dean said, clearing his throat. "Lead the way," He said, giving Sam a small smile. Sam waited a beat before turning to walk. Dean followed behind him, wanting to kick himself in the butt. He really needed to cool it. Of course Sam wouldn't leave without Cas. Sam cared for him too.

* * *

"Oh Dean," Cas said, unable to keep the heart break out of his voice. "No," He added softly.

Dean looked at him and the tear that slid down his face threw Cas, he had never seen a demon cry.

"Cas, I can't do it," Dean said, his voice as shaky as his unsteady hands. "I can't be this again. I- I don't want to be the thing I hate most."

Cas felt like his heart was going to break into little pieces. He couldn't stand to see Dean like this, broken and scared. "Shh," He said, reaching out to Dean. He was surprised when Dean didn't back away, but he didn't question it. Cas pulled Dean close, stroking his hair. "It's okay Dean, we can fix this. We've done it before, we will do it again. I promise Dean."

Dean pulled away now, shaking his head back and forth in quick movements. "No," He said, his voice cracking. "It will only happen again Cas. I'm evil, my blood is tainted, there's no going back for me."

"That's not true Dean. You are good. You have a good heart." Cas said, taking Dean's shaky hands in his own. Again he was surprised when Dean didn't pull away.

"Cas I can't. I can't risk it. I can't risk the lives of others." Dean looked him in the eyes. It was unnerving to meet Dean's black eyes, but somehow they seemed almost kind. "You've got to kill me Cas. I can't live like this. The fear of being evil, the nightmares of the lives I stole, the lives I might steal. The fear of hurting Sammy. You gotta end me man," Dean begged.

Cas' heart dropped into his stomach. "No Dean, I can't do that." He said, his own voice shaky. He couldn't believe Dean would ask this of him. Even if Dean didn't know that he was in love with him.

"Please Cas," Dean said, resting his head on Cas' chest, his hands grabbing at his trench coat. "I can't do this Cas. Please, I can't," Dean broke off, sobs taking place of his words.

Cas wrapped his arms around Dean, his own tears streaming down his face. Never had he seen Dean so vulnerable or so open with his emotions. He wanted to tell Dean he could do it. That to end his pain he would end his life, but Cas couldn't do it. He would give his own life to save Deans. He would give up his grace if it meant Dean could live.

"Dean, I can't do it. I can't end you. I need you too," He said, taking Dean's face in his hands, forcing Dean to look at him. He had no idea why he was doing this, but it just seemed like the right moment. "Remember you said you needed me?" He asked, it was something he had never forgotten. Dean nodded his responds, his face tear stricken. "I need you too Dean. I can't end you because I need you."

Dean went still, he looked like he was trying to process what Cas was staying. Suddenly he backed away from Cas and stood. "I can't Cas. I can't live through this again. I won't risked others for my own life."

What happened next left Cas breathless. It happened so fast he didn't see it coming and couldn't stop him. Out of nowhere Dean pulled out the angel blade, stabbing himself in the chest in a quick strike. The sounds of Dean's gasp hit Cas like a ton of bricks.

"No!" Cas gasped, moving to catch Dean's body before it hit the ground. Dean's weight brought them both down to the ground. "No," Cas cried, gathering Dean's empty body in his arms. His tears fell like a stream, his chest was so heavy it made breathing nearly impossible.

"No no no," Cas said, deep in denial. "You can't leave me Dean!" He yelled out, his voice echoing through the tunnel. He gasped, "Please Dean, don't leave me," He sobbed. He held Dean's body closer, resting his forehead on Dean's. His shoulders sagged as he sobbed. He couldn't catch his breath, but he didn't really care at this point. How was he supposed to live without Dean? "I love you Dean," Cas said, dryly. He leaned down, kissing the lips of the man he loved for the first and only time. He pulled away slowly, hating how cold Dean was. He held onto Dean as he continued to sob, unable to stop himself. Somehow he was sure he would never stop crying for his Dean.

* * *

They could hear Cas' yells and luckily they sounded close. Dean passed Sam, walking quickly toward the sound. His heart pounded in his chest as he got closer to the sounds. They rounded the corner and Dean could see Cas, he was sitting on his knees, his arms wrapped around himself as he sobbed.

"No Dean, you can't be gone," He said to the air.

Dean looked over at Sam who looked as concerned as Dean felt. Cas had gashes in his arms and from what he could tell they were across his chest as well. Dean handed Gabriella to Sam and he went to Cas, kneeling down in front of him.

"No Dean," Cas whispered again. "Please."

"Cas I'm here," Dean said, the sight of Cas broke his heart and those gashes didn't look good. They were an odd green color.

"Dean I need you," Cas said, continuing to sob.

Dean closed his eyes as his heart squeezed. Something in his head said 'I need you too.' Dean took Cas' hands in his own. "Cas I'm here," he said. "I'm here with you, look at me," Dean said, moving his hands to Cas' face to force him to look at him.

Cas' eyes met his and he seemed to register that Dean was there. "Dean?" Cas said, his brow pulling down in confusion. "You're alive?" he asked, trying to figure out how it was possible.

"Yes Cas' I'm here," Dean replied in relief. He gave Cas a smile. "I'm alive."

"You're alive," Cas said again in a whisper. Before Dean could answer Cas threw himself at him, kissing him right on the lips, not caring that Sam was right there. Dean was alive!

Dean was so full of shock he didn't push Cas away. He just sat there like an idiot and before he could make the decision about whether or not to kiss him back, Cas pulled away quickly, like he just realized what he was doing. Cas looked into Dean's eyes and made Dean's heart race. He felt like an idiot for not kissing Cas back. Wait! Did he really want to kiss Cas back?

"Cas?" Dean said. He wanted to look at Sam, but he wasn't sure he wanted to know the expression his brother had on his face.

"I don't feel very well," Cas replied, looking up at Dean shyly. He couldn't believe that he actually kissed Dean and in front of Sam. He was however very confused about what was happening. How had Dean survived stabbing himself? Where did Sam and the kids come from? Why were Dean's eyes back to green?

"I know. Let's get you out of here," Dean said, helping Cas up. He moved so Cas' arm was across his shoulders.

"The Lady?" Cas asked, his voice weak.

"She's gone." Dean replied. He turned left, slowly leading Cas down the tunnel.

They were all silent and Dean nearly cried from relief when they found the ladder that lead from the ground. Sam went up first with Gabriella, then was followed by Matt and Leon. Dean moved so Cas was standing on his own. "You have to climb Cas," Dean said softly.

Cas looked at him with such intimacy it took Dean's breath away. God was he seriously going there? What the hell was happening to him. "Dean I," Cas started to say.

Before he knew what he was doing Dean placed his hand gently on Cas' cheek. "I know," Dean replied. Did he know? He had an idea of what Cas was going to say, but he didn't truly know and he wasn't sure he wanted to know. He wasn't sure he wanted to go there.

Cas slowly started up the ladder with Dean right behind him, helping him up. Dean was worried about the cuts and the moment they were topside he was going to call Hannah. Cas needed help and he prayed she could.

"I thought you guys were never coming," Sam said when they climbed from the ladder. Dean didn't reply, He helped Cas from the cabin and the moment they were outside he yelled for Hannah.

"Dean, what are you doing?" Cas asked. He didn't want Hannah to come down here. He knew how this was going to end and he wasn't ready.

"It's okay Cas," Dean said softly, then called for her again. This time she appeared, not looking very happy, until she saw Cas, then she looked concerned.

"What happened?" She asked, going to them.

"The creature we were hunting got me. I'm not healing," Cas replied, pointing out the obvious.

"Can you heal him?" Dean asked dryly. Though it was night again, he could see better out here and Cas wasn't looking good at all.

She looked at him. "Of course I can." She replied bitterly. "But I will only do it under one condition," She added.

"What?" Dean asked, he didn't have patience for her crap.

"He comes home with me," She said simply. "You let him go."

Dean's heart dropped, this was it, this was the last time he would see Cas. "Fine," Dean said. He would rather Cas be alive in heaven than dead down here.

Cas felt like Dean just punched him in the stomach. He wasn't ready to leave. He would never be ready to leave. He wanted to argue but he knew he needed her help.

Hannah nodded and stepped over to Cas. It took a while but she healed him with ease and once she was done she smiled smugly. "This is the way it should be," She said to Cas. "I will give you a moment," She said, turning away and looking up to the night sky.

Cas turned to Sam. "I guess this is goodbye," He said to Sam. The two hugged, Sam patting him on the back.

"I will miss you man," Sam said, giving Cas a smile.

"I will miss you too," Cas replied. He watched as Sam walked over to Hannah. He said something to her, but Cas couldn't hear it.

"I don't know what to say," Cas said to Dean. Cas' heart was breaking and he wasn't sure how he was supposed to do this.

Dean didn't say anything, he didn't know what to say. He gave Cas a tight hug that lasted longer than he anticipated, but he found it nearly impossible to let go. He wished he could put into words what he was feeling. It didn't help that a big part of him was denying what he was feeling.

They pulled apart and Cas put his hand on Dean's shoulder. He wanted to tell Dean that he loved him, but he couldn't. "I don't want to do this," He said dryly, his gruff voice nearly a whisper.

"I know, it sucks," Dean replied. He had to swallow the lump in his throat.

"I need you Dean," Cas said because he had already said it and it wasn't as bad as saying I love you.

"It's time to go Cas," Hannah said, interrupting the them.

Cas nodded to her. He looked at Sam and gave him a smile, then looked back to Dean. Their eyes locked for a moment, then Cas was gone. Hannah following right after.

"I need you too," Dean said under his breath as he looked up to the night sky. He realized then that it was more true than he ever thought it could be. He needed Cas too.

 

**I hope you have all enjoyed the chapter. Reviews and Comments are appreciated. Thanks :D**


	9. Falling

**Disclaimer! I do not own Supernatural or its characters. All credit go to the wonderful creators** **of Supernatural and its actors.**

**Chapter Nine: Falling**

Dean sat on the corner of the motel bed, his head hung and his hands were clasped together with his elbows resting on his knees. He couldn't believe Cas was gone forever and damn him he couldn't get that kiss out of his head. What the hell was that anyway?

"The children are all safe and sound with their parents," Sam said, as he walked into the room. Dean looked over at him as he did so. Sam huffed a laugh then added, "The sheriff was in shock when I arrived with the kids." Sam picked up the book he borrowed from Julianne off the table. "Oh and can you guess how old the sheriffs daughter and son are?"

"The girl is two and the boy is four or eight," Dean replied halfheartedly. "Maybe that had something to do with his lack of investigation into the children's disappearance," He said in the same tone as before.

Sam looked over at Dean again. "I'm sorry about Cas," He said. He was still in shock about Cas kissing Dean, though somehow it didn't surprise him that Cas was in love with Dean. Okay so maybe it surprised him a little as it was happening, but looking back it wasn't a surprise.

Dean stood, rubbing his hand on his hair. "Yeah me too," He said, trying to act like he was fine. "You hungry? We could go grab a bite," Dean suggested, giving Sam a fake smile.

Sam sighed to himself. Typical Dean, hiding his feeling and pushing them down. "Look man, I'm here if you want to talk. About anything."

Dean shrugged, "Nothing to talk about except whether or not you're hungry," Dean said lightly. There was no way he could talk to Sam about what's going on in his head. Hell he wasn't even sure what was going on in his head.

Sam wanted to press the issue. He knew Dean was taking Cas' leaving hard. He knew that Dean was struggling with the mark of Cain. Yet he knew he wouldn't press the issue. He was afraid if he pushed too hard Dean would shut him out even more, or worse, take off. "Yeah I can eat," He replied.

* * *

"Can I get you anything else?" The waitress Kathleen asked. She batted her eyes and was thrilled that this time Dean was paying her more attention.

"No we're good for now," Dean replied, giving her his hook up smile. She flushed as she walked away, putting extra sway into her hips.

"Glad to see you're back to you old self," Sam said with a laugh. He really was happy to see Dean trying to pick up chicks. Anything that said Dean was still Dean was welcome in Sam's opinion.

"Yeah well you gotta have some fun, Sammy," Dean said, throwing Kathleen a wink as she passed by, then popped a fry into his mouth.

"Well while you are getting you're freak on, I will be returning that book to Julianne," Sam said, taking the last bit of his salad.

"You know Sammy, you should try to have a little fun too. Is Julianne hot?" Dean asked, wiggling his eyebrows.

Sam rolled his eyes and gave his brother a smile. "She is a lovely woman, but that doesn't mean I'm going to sleep with her."

"Well you should," Dean said, dipping his fry into catchup.

Sam laughed, shaking his head. "I'm going to assume you won't be at the motel when I get back, so I will see you in the morning. I think we might have another case in Connecticut. Looks like a ghost is ganking people," Sam said standing.

"See you then little bro," Dean said as Sam walked away. Once he was at the door Dean yelled, "Good luck!" Sam waved a hand at him before disappearing through the door.

* * *

"Late night?" Sam asked from the door of Julianne's office. She looked over her shoulder from the book shelf she was putting books on, and a smile slid onto her face.

"You caught me," She said with a laugh. She turned toward Sam, "What can I help you with?"

Sam walked into her office, stopping a few steps in front of her. "I am returning the book you lent me," Sam replied with a smile, handing her the book.

Julianne took it from him, giving him another smile. She couldn't seem to help herself, the man was gorgeous after all. "Did you find it an interesting read?" she asked, as she put the book away.

"Actually I did, thank you," Sam said, wishing he had a reason to stick around. There was something about her he really liked. She just gave off a good vibe.

Julianne stood, rubbing her hands together before sticking them into the pockets of her jeans. "So I was going to grab some coffee. Wanna join me?" she asked him.

Sam hesitated he did want to join her, but he was worried this would turn into a one night stand and somehow it felt too wrong to do that to her. "I would love coffee," he replied with a smile.

"Great," she said, flushing a little as she did so. "Let me grab my purse," She added, going around her desk. She opened a drawer and pulled out her purse. "Ready," she said, walking past Sam to the door. She waited for him to walk out the door so she could lock up. She couldn't believe how nervous she was. It was only coffee after all.

* * *

"Mmmm," Kathleen moaned as Dean kissed her. He ran his hands down her back to the bottom of her shirt, swiftly pulling it up and over her head. The kissing resumed, her tongue penetrating his mouth. He cupped her breast and when she tilted her head back he kissed at her neck.

They fell to the bed, Kathleen landing on top of him. She made quick work of his shirt, then kissed at the sensitive skin on his neck. Dean leaned his head to the side and closed his eyes, letting the sensations take over. This was what he needed, the touching, the feeling of a woman pressed up against him.

Everything was going as he planned until it was no longer her hands that made their way to his erection and it was no longer her lips that kissed down his throat, it was Cas'. When she moved to kiss his mouth again Dean imagined that it was Cas' lips that met his own and when her hand gripped his cock, he imagined that it was Cas' hand that was stroking him.

For a moment he let the fantasy take flight. He let himself imagine that Cas' lips were now kissing down his stomach, no doubt making their way to his erection. Dean moaned loudly as he thought about Cas taking him into his mouth. He needed it, wanted it more than he ever knew.

Dean's eyes shot open when he realized what he was doing. He pushed himself away from her, earning a confused look from Kathleen. He ran his hand down his face as he shook he head. What the hell was he doing? He didn't want Cas that way, he was straight for god sakes! He always wanted women.

"Dean you okay? Did I do something wrong?" Kathleen asked, concerned.

"No," Dean said, shaking his head. "I…no you didn't do anything wrong. I'm..." He was what? Going insane? Dean stood, quickly finding his pants and pulling them on. This no longer felt right, being here with her. "I'm sorry Kathleen. I have to go," he said. He gathered his shoes and shirt before all but running from the room.

He heard her call his name before the door closed behind him but he didn't care. He quickly got into baby, and sighed. What the hell was going on with him? He banged his hands on the staring wheel in frustration. Why was this happening to him? Why did he have to feel so pissed all the time? Why did him and Sam always get the shit end of the stick? Why did Cas have to leave him? How could Cas leave him? Worst of all why was he having these feelings for Cas?

He wiped angrily at the tears on his cheeks. His chest felt heavy as he thought of Cas and the things he imagined Cas doing to him. He shifted in his seat, hating the erection that returned. He turned on the car, blasting the radio to rid those thoughts. He was never going there again. Ever.

* * *

Sam and Julianne laughed over their coffee. Sam couldn't remember the last time he laughed this hard.

"Yeah it was embarrassing," Julianne said, taking a bite of her pastry. "I was sure my friends would never let me live it down."

"That's great," Sam said. He took a sip of his coffee, looking over at the time.

"So what do you do for a living?" Julianne asked him.

"I travel," Sam replied, he didn't really want to lie to her, but he couldn't tell her the truth either.

"You travel doing what?" She asked. She seemed truly interested. Her eyes were wide with curiosity.

"I'm kind of like a detective. I help people who need it," Sam replied. He took another sip of coffee. "What about you? What's your big fancy office for?" he asked, focusing on her

Julianne blushed a little. "I'm a teacher," She replied. "The office belonged to my grandmother, she gave it to me so I can use it for my studies."

Sam thought of Rose, the women who came to them the night before and wondered if her granddaughter believed in the lady the same way she did. "I met your grandmother. Nice woman."

"Yeah," Julianne said with a laugh. "She's amazing."

"What are you studying?" Sam asked her.

"I want to be a history professor. I don't know, maybe travel the world. I love history though," Julianne said. She shrugged then added, "I know it's a little late in life, but it took me some time to know what I really wanted."

"It's never too late," Sam replied. "What do you teach now?"

"Second grade. I have to say it'll be sad to leave them behind." She gave Sam a smile. "So if you're here on business, how did that book help you?" she asked him.

His brow pulled together, "Who said I was here on business?" he asked her.

She tilted her head, giving him a smirk, "Am I wrong?"

Sam laughed nervously. "No you're not, but I can't give you details," he said, feeling a little guilty. For some reason he didn't want to lie to her. He wanted to tell her everything and wanted her to accept him for who he was and what he did. Maybe it didn't really matter who accepted him for him, but he wanted someone to.

Julianne looked at the clock and realized how late it was getting. "It's getting late. This place is going to close soon," She hesitated before adding, "You're welcome to come to my place. We can hang out, watch a movie."

"I would, but I can't," Sam said. What if it turned into a one night stand. He wanted to kick himself. Why did this matter to him so much?

"Oh," Julianne said disappointed. "Well it's probably better this way," She said, waving it away. "Anyway I had a really good time tonight."

"You know it's not you right? I would love to go home with you, but this isn't going to go anywhere. With me a one night stand is all you're going to get. My work gets in the way," Sam said, needing to explain himself.

"I figured that Sam. I wasn't asking for a commitment," She took his hand and gave it a squeeze.

"You deserve better than anything I can give you. I mean, why aren't you taken?" Sam asked.

Julianne laughed a little. "I'm not into anyone here. I grew up with most people who live here and dated the ones available. Small town remember." She took a sip of her coffee. "I'm not special in any way. I'm just like everyone else."

Sam didn't say anything as she finished her coffee. She waved at a few people as they passed by, then looked back at him with a smile. "I would love to have a job where I could travel," She said.

Sam let out a small laugh. "It's not as great as you might think. Sure it's cool at first. Seeing places you've never seen. Places you've always wanted to see. But there just comes a point when you want to stay put. You want the normal everyone else wishes they could get away from. You want the nine to five and the wife and kids. You want a lawn to mow and a house to call yours. You just want a home."

"Is that what you want?" Julianne asked feeling a little breathless. She had never seen a man show so much emotion before. She felt sure in this moment there was more so this man than he was letting on.

"Honestly? More than anything," he replied. She looked at him with sad eyes, like she was reading more into what he was saying than he thought she would.

"This isn't a job you can just leave is it?" she asked.

"No it isn't," Sam replied. He ran his hand through his hair to move it out of his face. "I'm not saying don't travel. I'm just saying that the normal isn't as dull as you might think it is."

"Julianne we are closing dear," The manager said to her.

Julianne replied with a smile, "We are just finishing up."

"Okay dear," The woman said. She gave Sam a smile before walking away.

"I had a really good night Sam. Thank you for this," She said as she cleaned up a little.

"Me too," Sam replied. He felt sad that the night was ending. He really enjoyed her company.

Julianne stood. "I hope we run into each other again Sam. I would really love to get to know you."

"Yeah, me too," He replied.

"Goodnight," She said before leaving.

The moment she was out the door Sam jumped up. What was he, stupid? He ran outside and the moment he caught up to her he pulled her in close and kissed her gently.

She kissed him back, deepening the kiss. Her fingers tangled in his long silky hair. Neither of them knew what this kiss meant, but at the moment neither of them cared.

* * *

By the time Dean got back to the motel he was tired both physically and mentally. It had been a long few days and all he wanted was sleep. He fell into bed, not even bothering to change. Sleep was what he needed and thankfully it came quickly….

In sleep Dean found himself back in the maze, only this time he was eight and frantically looking for Sammy. His heart was pounding hard in his chest as he ran through the maze.

"Sammy!" He yelled. He ran down the maze and turned right when he got to the end. He came to a stop when he ended up in a field. The sun was high in the blue cloudless sky and in the middle of the field stood Cas. Dean's brow pulled together in confusion. How had he ended up here?

Dean walked to Cas slowly, no longer his eight year old self but himself now. He stopped when he was next to Cas, who was looking up at the blue sky, a small smile on his face. "Hello Dean," Cas said, breaking the silence.

Dean looked away unsure what to say. Some part of him knew this was a dream, but it somehow felt real. "So how's heaven?" he asked. He didn't like how awkward things felt between them. This was Cas for god's sake.

Cas chuckled, though nothing was funny. "The same as it was the last time I was there." Cas looked over at Dean and knew he was upset. "Dean, I'm sorry if I've upset you."

"Why did you kiss me?" Dean asked, the anger building in his chest. If Cas hadn't kissed him he wouldn't be going through this. At least that's what he is telling himself.

Cas looked away from Dean. "I thought I had lost you Dean. The lady's scratches had poisoned me and I was hallucinating. I saw you kill yourself because you became a demon again." Cas looked over at Dean now. "So when I saw that you were alive I was overwhelmed with relief."

"When you find out your best friend is alive you don't usually kiss them Cas," Dean said, irritably.

"They do if they're in love with their best friend," Cas blurted. He needed Dean to understand where he was coming from. His stomach twisted in knots. How was Dean going to react to this?

Dean licked his bottom lip the way he did. Did Cas really just say what he thought he said? Dean's heart raced in his chest. What did this mean? What did he want it to mean? "Cas, I don't roll that way," Dean replied softly.

"I know that Dean. I've known that ever since I met you. It doesn't change the way I feel," Cas replied. They looked at each other for a while, neither having the strength to look away.

"Cas I can't," Dean said, wishing he had the strength to be real with himself. Part of him knew what he was feeling and the other part was scared shitless of it. "I wish I could tell you what you want to hear. I wish I could give you what you want, but I can't," He said, hating himself for it.

Cas put his hand on Dean's shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. "I know Dean. You don't have to explain yourself," He said, then removed his hand.

Dean nodded as he looked up to the sky. "I never take time to look at the sky anymore," He murmured.

"What?" Cas asked. He knew what Dean said but he wanted to hear Dean's voice while he could. He wasn't sure when he would be able to visit Dean's dream again.

"I said I never take time to look at the sky anymore. Sammy and I used to do it all the time when we were younger. Mostly when Sam needed cheering up. We would look for pictures in the clouds," Dean laughed. "That feels like another life time."

Cas smiled at Dean. "You never give yourself time to appreciate the small things in life anymore. Promise me you will try to do so more often," Cas said. Dean needed to be reminded of the small things.

Dean's brow pulled together. "I don't see the good in life anymore Cas. You and Sammy are all the good I've got and you're gone."

Cas wanted to take Dean's hand but he knew better than to do that. "Dean you might not be able to see me, but I am always there."

"Will you come if I call for you?" Dean asked, hating the need in his voice. Hating the need in his heart. Wishing he could be open with himself.

Cas looked away again, his heart squeezing. "No I can't," He replied. He glanced over at Dean and the hurt on his face was clear as day. "Dean I wish I could. I wish I could choose you over them but I can't. They need me. Heaven needs me."

"I need you!" Dean shouted. He was angry, hurt and confused. Why did this shit have to happen to him? Why couldn't life give him a good hand for once? He just wanted one minute where everything wasn't so screwed up.

"You don't need me Dean. You guys did fine before I came along. You will do fine again," Cas said. He hated that Dean was hurting, but he was stuck.

"Cas you're family. I need all the family I can get," Dean said, rubbing at his tired eyes.

"You okay?" Cas asked, hoping Dean wasn't crying. He hated when Dean cried because It made him want to cry too. There was nothing worse than watching the one you love more than anything cry.

"I'm confused Cas," Dean said.

Cas cocked his head to the side. Last time he was in Dean's dream he had said the same thing. "About what Dean?" Cas asked.

Dean shook his head. "Nothing you need to worry about. I will figure it out," Dean replied. There was no way he was have this conversation with Cas. He didn't even want to have it with himself, but he was unsure how long he could ignore what happened tonight.

Cas let out a frustrated sigh that surprised Dean. "I hate when you do that," Cas said, his tone deepened with frustration.

"Do what?" Dean asked confused and defensively.

"When you shut me out!" Cas snapped. "When you act like I couldn't possibly handle what's going on in your head. If we get anywhere close to sharing emotion you shut down. It drives me crazy."

Dean was surprised at the anger Cas was showing. He knew his inability to share his feelings sometimes bothered Sam but he never knew it bothered Cas. Though until today he didn't know Cas was in love with him either. "I don't mean to upset you Cas. I just can't talk about it. That's not me."

"Perhaps I can help you. You don't have to bear the weight of the world on your own," Cas said in a gentler tone.

"What do you want me to say Cas?" Dean asked in a raised tone. "That my life sucks? That it pisses me off every damn time we get over one hurdle another one comes along and smacks us in the damn face? That I'm ready for it to be over but I can't off myself because I'm scared that I will become a demon again and I can't do it Cas. I can't be that _thing_ again! I feel dirty and tainted and there is not a damn thing I can do about it because it won't come off. I'm going to hell Cas and the only question that is left is when and how," Dean blinked back the tears as all his fears rushed out of his mouth. "I'm afraid of myself because I get so angry for stupid reasons. What if I hurt Sammy? I could never live with myself if I hurt him." Dean shook his head. "This is why I need you Cas. I need you to save me from myself. I need you to stop me before I hurt anyone. I need you." Dean said, sinking down into the grass, hiding his face in his hands. He needed to stop before he told Cas about the shit he was feeling toward him. It wouldn't be fair to give him false hope.

Cas sat next to him, wishing he could touch him. Seeing Dean this scared and hurt was heartbreaking. "I don't know how to make any of this better," Cas replied, feeling defeated.

Dean looked over at Cas, his blue eyes watched him intensely. He was going to miss those blue eyes dearly. Dean's eyes moved from Cas' eyes to his lips. He couldn't help but remember how soft they were on his own. Dean looked away quickly. Was this really happening to him? Was he really falling for Cas?

Cas stood suddenly, looking around as he did so. "I must leave now Dean," He said sadly.

Dean stood too. His heart dropped. He didn't want Cas to leave. "Why?" he asked. He didn't like how needy it sounded.

"I'm needed elsewhere," Cas replied, looking Dean in the eyes. Those beautiful green eyes that often took his breath away. "I will return as soon as I can," He said and with that he was gone.

Dean only had a moment to feel empty before he was snapped back to reality.

 

**I hope you have all enjoyed the chapter. Reviews and Comments are appreciated. Thanks :D**


	10. Leaving

**Disclaimer! I do not own Supernatural or its characters. All credit go to the wonderful creators** **of Supernatural and its actors.**

**One month later**

Dean stood in the middle of the room, covered in blood. He looked around to the mess before him. Thirteen dead demons in under a minute. He looked up to Sam's worried and shocked face. Sam tilted his head slightly to the side as he raised his eyebrows.

Dean's heart pounded in his head, his blood rushing through his veins. They weren't supposed to kill the demons. They were here to talk, but sadly one of them pissed him off and these days that was a bad move. Dean killed the first demon before anyone could even register that he had moved. The others were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. This anger was something Dean didn't like nor could control.

He turned to Sam and had to fight the urge to end him as well. Sam must have seen the struggle because he put his hands up to show he wasn't going to hurt him. "Dean it's me," Sam said. "Come on, it's over," He added.

Dean blinked a few times, and he knew he was back. He looked at the mess around him, then over to Sam who looked sick with worry. "That went well," he said, unsure what else he could say. It was so odd because he knew what he was doing when he was doing it, but he couldn't stop it, and when he was pissed he didn't really want to. It wasn't until the anger subsided that it really hit Dean what he had done. "This is getting bad," Dean said, mostly to himself.

"It's just a few dead demons Dean," Sam said in a reassuring tone. He went to Dean and clapped him on the shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. "Come on, let's get home."

Dean nodded as he looked at the dead demons again. Sure this time it was only dead demons. What was going to happen when it turned into dead people? He followed Sam from the room, fear heavy in his chest.

**One week later**

"We need to figure this out Dean!" Sam said, irritated that Dean was fighting so hard against this. "What are you going to do if Crowley suddenly decides to make you his weapon again?"

Dean looked angrily at the bottle sitting on the table in front of him. He didn't want to have this conversation, again. "I agree we have to figure out how to get the mark off, but I don't see why we have to stop hunting in the meantime," Dean said irritably, his voice getting louder.

"Because of the body count Dean," Sam replied, emphasizing Dean's name. "You get all pissed off and kill. It's getting bad. I think we need to take time to concentrate on you."

"I'm fine," Dean lied. He had said this so much the past few weeks it didn't even seem like a real phrase anymore. Not to mention it was far from the truth. He was on edge, like a druggy who needed his next fix. It didn't help that he was missing Cas badly. He hadn't even dreamt of him since the first night he was gone and he wished he could. That dream felt so real and it took the edge off the pain of Cas' absence.

"You're NOT fine!" Sam shouted. He was so tired of Dean pretending like all this wasn't happening.

Dean stood and tried to leave the room, but Sam wasn't having that. They were going to have this god damn conversation whether or not Dean wanted too. He grabbed Dean's arm, stopping him in his tracks. "Where the hell do you think you're going?"

"Let me go," Dean growled, the anger clear in his eerily calm tone.

"We're not finished Dean. You can't walk away from this anymore," Sam said, his own anger and worry clear in his raised tone.

"Let me go," Dean demanded again, as he tried to pull away. He often forgot just how strong Sam was.

"No," Sam replied, meeting Dean's tone.

That did it, Dean's anger spiraled and he lurched at Sam. The two fell to the floor, Dean landing on top of Sam, demon blade drawn. Sam grabbed Dean's wrist, trying to keep the blade away from him. It didn't help that Dean's free hand was squeezing at Sam's throat. "Dean," Sam tried saying, but nothing came out. He was losing strength and was running out of air. He struggled under Dean as black spots appeared in his vision.

There was a part of Dean that wanted to stop this, but that part of him wasn't in control. The tainted part of him was. The part that was driven by evil. He could see the life going out of Sam and he didn't care. Sam had just gone limp when Dean felt himself being thrown back, and he stumbled and fell. The collision with the table shocked him back into reality.

He blinked a couple times and when his vision cleared he took in the scene in front of him. Garth was leaning over Sam giving him CPR. Dean's heart dropped into his stomach and he felt like he was going to be sick. Oh god what had he done? Tears rushed to his eyes as he watched Garth try to save Sam. For a moment Dean was sure Sammy was gone and it was all if fault.

The moment he saw Sam take a breath he took one of his own. He hadn't realized that he was holding his breath, but that would explain why he was feeling lightheaded. Garth helped Sammy sit up slowly and they both looked over to Dean who was sitting in the wreckage of the broken table.

Dean didn't move. He didn't want to. He wished he could disappear into non-existence. He'd almost killed Sammy and he couldn't do it. He could never live with himself if he were the reason Sammy no longer lived.

They watched as Dean rose slowly. He walked over to them and kneeled next to Sam. "I'm so sorry Sammy," Dean said, his voice cracking. "I didn't mean to," He added as he stood. He wanted to hold Sam close and apologize a thousand times, but what right did he have? He'd almost killed his brother. The only reason he had left on this earth to not give in to the dark side.

Sam watched as Dean walked away. He wanted to call out to him, but his throat was too sore. He looked up at Garth, who looked as worried as he felt. This was a close call and Sam knew Dean was going to beat himself up over it. One thing that was for sure was they needed to do something about this.

* * *

Dean closed his bedroom door behind him and sat on his bed. What the hell did he almost do? He rubbed his forehead with his hand. He had to leave. There was just no way he could stay.

"I don't know what to do Cas," Dean said with a sigh. "I need you, Cas. I need you to help me." Dean leaned back on the bed, closing his eyes. He wished that Cas would come back. He would give almost anything to hear that man's gruff voice.

Dean stood and paced his room. His bag was already packed, all he had to do was wait until night. He knew it was cowardly of him to leave without saying goodbye, but he knew Sam wouldn't let him go if he tried to say goodbye. This was the best way.

Dean caught his reflection in the mirror and hated what he saw. He saw some asshole who had tried to kill his brother. He saw a worthless man who makes poor choices. He saw the man he wished he wasn't. Life would be better without him. Sam could be free of all the crap that he causes.

"Where are you going?" Cas asked, curiously from outside the bathroom door.

Dean looked over at him, shocked. "You're here?" Dean asked, his heart fluttered in his chest as he took in the sight of his best friend.

"Not really. You fell asleep while waiting on Sam and Garth to go to their rooms for the night," Cas replied. He looked Dean over and wished he was truly here. Dean needed him now more than ever. "Dean where are you going?" Cas asked again.

"I can't, Cas. I can't stay here. I shouldn't be around people at all. It's bad, man," Dean looked away from Cas. "You shouldn't even be here. I could hurt you."

"Not in your dreams, Dean. Here, the mark can't control you," Cas said, walking over to Dean's bed and sat down.

Dean looked at Cas and images rushed into his head. He wanted to kiss Cas, he wanted to touch Cas. He wanted Cas to touch him. What would it be like to… Dean shook his head. Nope he wasn't going there.

"I think you should stay," Cas said. He didn't like the idea of Dean being on his own. Not now.

"I can't, Cas. I can't take the chance again. If Garth hadn't showed Sammy would have died," Dean rubbed his hand over his face as he sat next to Cas on the bed. "I just can't."

Cas put his hand on Dean's leg. "We have to get that mark off you."

Dean looked down at Cas' hand and cursed himself as he hardened. Ever since that night with Kathleen he had wondered what it would be like to be with Cas. "I've missed you, Cas," Dean said. He knew that here he was safe to say these things. Like Cas had said, he was dreaming.

"I've missed you too, Dean." Cas gave his leg a light squeeze. "I hear you," Cas said, receiving a confused look from Dean. "At night when you talk to me. I do listen." He moved his hand from Dean's knee. He didn't want Dean to feel uncomfortable.

Dean was speechless hearing this. Sure, he hoped Cas was listening, but he thought Cas would be too busy for him. Dean looked into Cas' blue eyes and held them with his. He missed this. "I don't know how to do this," Dean said, unsure if he was talking about the mark of Cain or his feelings for Cas.

"I wish I knew the answers, Dean. I wish I could help you," Cas added. He would give anything to be back on earth with Dean, helping him through this.

"Why would you want to be anywhere near me? I'm dangerous, Cas," Dean said, standing up.

Cas stood too. "Because I care about you, Dean. You know that. You know how I feel," Cas had to fight the urge to hug Dean. He hated this. Hated that it had been over a month since he could get here to see Dean. He had been looking in on them from time to time, so he knew that Dean was getting worse. "What can I do to help you?" Cas asked, helplessly.

"Come home," Dean said, longingly.

Cas closed his eyes with a small sigh. "I can't," He replied, hating that he couldn't.

That was it, Dean couldn't hold back his emotions anymore. He closed his eyes as the tears threatened to flow. He turned from Cas, hating how weak he felt. "I can't do this without you _._ I need you," Dean said. He turned to Cas, the traitor tears sneaking down his cheeks. "Please, Cas," Dean begged. He fell to his knees and was glad that this was all a dream.

Cas' heart hurt as he joined Dean on the floor. He put his arms around Dean and held him close. "I wish I could. I want to so badly, but I can't," Cas said, hating that Dean was hurting.

Dean wrapped his arms around Cas, hugging him back. Cas was surprised about Dean's action, but he welcomed it. He settled down in front of Dean and the two just sat there, hugging each other close. Cas closed his eyes; he was going to remember every second of this hug.

Dean held onto Cas like his life depended on it. He hated that he felt so weak. That he needed Cas this way, but at the moment he didn't care. He was dreaming so it didn't really matter, did it? With that thought in mind, Dean let in his unwanted thoughts. Cas kissing his lips, gripping his cock, stroking it slowly as his kissed down Dean's neck.

A shiver ran through his body and he pulled away from Cas, who gave him that famous small smile that stole his breath. 'How long had he been falling?' Dean wondered. At what point did he start feeling more for Cas? "I need you Cas," Dean said, feeling like a broken record. What he really wanted to say was that he loved him and needed him for so many reasons it would take forever to name them all. That, however, wasn't going to happen. Not even here in his head.

Cas' smile widened a bit. "I need you too," he replied, taking a chance and placing his hand on Dean's cheek. Here, Dean seemed more accepting to touch and feelings. "I would come to you if I could. I would come every time you called if I could.

Dean's eyes flashed to his. God help him, but the images that rushed to his mind couldn't be helped. He could see Cas sprawled out naked on the bed, arching in the pleasure Dean's hand was giving him. He wondered what it would look like to watch Cas come. Again a shiver ran through Dean.

He wanted Cas for more than sex though. He wanted Cas for everything he was. Everything he did. He wanted Cas for all the times he was there. He wanted him for the small moments that Dean never gave much thought to before. The stolen glances. The whispered conversations. The times when Cas talked him down. The times Cas needed him. There was just so much Dean wanted from Cas and wanted to give to Cas. It would never be, not outside of his head, but here, and in this moment, he was with Cas, and that was going to have to be enough.

"What are you thinking?" Cas asked, interrupting his train of thought. Cas' head was cocked to the side as he watched Dean. They had never held eye contact for this long, but neither of them were in a hurry to look away.

"I'm thinking about you," Dean replied truthfully in spite of himself.

Cas wasn't sure how to take that. He supposed it depended on exactly what Dean was thinking. "What exactly are you thinking," Cas asked, needing to know.

Dean looked away now and Cas thought he looked a little sheepish. It was endearing to see Dean vulnerable in this sense. Though it did make Cas truly wonder what Dean had been thinking. "I don't know how to do this," Dean replied.

"You've said that. But I can't help if I don't know what _this_ is," Cas said, hoping this time Dean would give him answers.

Dean looked up at Cas, feeling nervous. It was funny, because he had never been this nervous with a girl and it wasn't like he was taking a chance on Cas feeling the same way. Cas has already told him he was in love with him. So why was he so nervous? Cas was his best friend. The one person outside of Sammy he could trust. The only other person outside of Sam who would go to the ends of the earth for him. So why did this have to be so hard to do? Well, Dean supposed it was because Cas was a dude and he never had feelings for a guy before. Also if things went wrong, he had a lot to lose.

"Dean?" Cas asked, giving Dean a worried look. He didn't understand what was going on with him. He looked a little pale and his hands were shaking.

Dean's shaky hand reached out and took Cas' steady one. He looked down where they were joined. This felt so right. He felt like there was electricity running through them. Cas' hand was surprisingly smooth against his rough one.

Cas sat completely still as Dean's thumb rubbed the top of his hand. Never had he thought Dean would take his hand the way a lover might. Cas didn't speak, though he wanted to know what was going on, he was afraid if he spoke, Dean would let him go, and he didn't want that. He never wanted Dean to let him go. He loved the feel of Dean's rough hand against his own.

Dean swallowed as he tried to get the words out, without looking at Cas. He wasn't sure what he wanted to say. "I'm," He started then stopped. Did he want to say he was falling in love with him? Did he want to say he is feeling things he's not sure about? "I've never…I've never been here before," Dean said. "I mean," Dean had to clear his throat, but he couldn't go on.

Cas' eyes grew wide as he watched Dean struggle to speak. Was he saying what Cas thought he was trying to say? Perhaps it was just wishful thinking? Cas wasn't sure. All he knew for sure was that he loved Dean this way, with his guard down.

"Cas," Dean said, shaking his head and rubbing at his forehead with his free hand. He let out a nervous laugh that made Cas' heart flutter. "I'm bad at this," He said, now looking up at Cas. "I'm not even sure if it changes anything. I don't know what it means. One minute I think it's crazy and the next I think it makes sense."

Cas wasn't sure if Dean was saying what Cas thought he was saying but he took his chances. He leaned forward and placed his lips on Dean's. Just like the first time, Cas' heart fluttered and his stomach got butterflies. However, unlike the first time, Dean kissed him back. It amazed Cas how perfectly their lips moved together and when Dean took his face in his hands the kiss somehow got deeper.

Dean put everything he had into the kiss. He wasn't sure if it would ever happen again. It hurt that he knew that it wasn't really happening now, but hey, he would take what he could get. Cas' arms went around him, pulling him closer. The only thing that would make this better was if it were really happening.

"Damn," Cas said breathlessly, as he pulled away. He couldn't believe she picked this moment to look for him. Damn her.

"What's wrong?" Dean asked, his voice a breathless whisper. He didn't let go of Cas' face. He didn't want to. Ever.

"I have to go," Cas replied. His heart fell when he said it. He never wanted to have to leave Dean.

"Why?" Dean asked, as he removed his hands from Cas' face. His heart hurt with the idea of this ending.

"Hannah is looking for me," Cas said, wishing Dean didn't look so hurt with his words.

Dean's jaw clenched as he shook his head. He stood quickly and turned toward the bed, facing away from Cas. He couldn't believe the jealousy that was running through his body. "I don't understand why you always have to leave. This is my dream. It should go the way I want it."

"This may be your dream, Dean. But I'm really here," Cas said. He supposed if he was going to make a habit of this, then Dean needed to know that this was, in some ways, very real.

Dean looked at Cas confused. "Excuse me?"

"Remember that time I entered your dream because I needed to tell you something?" Cas asked. "You were looking over that lake?"

Dean's brow pulled together. "Yeah," He said slowly.

"This is the same thing. I'm truly here Dean. It may be in your head, but I'm here," Cas said. He waited for it to sink in and the moment Dean looked at him, he knew Dean understood.

"So you have to leave because your body is somewhere up there, and you can hear Hannah looking for you?" Dean clarified. Cas truly being here changed things. He'd been under the impression that Cas would never know of this. However, he wasn't mad either. He was relieved that Cas would know this. Even if it could only ever be in his head.

Cas looked up to the ceiling with worry. "I truly have to go, Dean. Wake up," Cas said, before disappearing.

Dean jumped awake. He was laying on his bed, the same way he had fallen asleep. He stretched as he stood and looked over at the time. It was two am and this was his time to leave. In his dream he had already packed, but in real life he hadn't. He packed quickly, taking only things he really needed.

He zipped his bag and looked around, the images of his dream coming back to him. Cas was truly there and it was there he knew he would find his peace. Only in his dreams. At least when Cas was there. When Cas wasn't, sleep was a nightmare.

He left all his cell phones with the exception of the one Sam usually called. He wanted Sam to be able to contact him if he really needed him. He took a minute to write a note that read: _I know you're going to be pissed with me for leaving, but I have no choice. Please don't look for me because it would just piss me off and I don't want to hurt you. Sorry. Dean._

He placed the note on the night stand then picked up his bag. He took one last look around the room before leaving. He held his breath all the way to baby, but the moment she was started, he could breath. Even if Sam caught him now, there was no way he could stop him. This really was for the best.

**I hope you have all enjoyed the chapter. Please leave reviews so I know to continue. Thanks :D**


	11. Hoping So

**Disclaimer! I do not own Supernatural or its characters. All credit go to the wonderful creators** **of Supernatural and its actors.**

**Five months later**

Sam scanned the internet for a case. Anything would do at this point. It had been almost a month since he'd had a job and the quiet of the bunker was starting to get to him.

He leaned back in the chair when nothing jumped out at him and thought back to the morning he'd found Dean gone. The anger that had bubbled into him was no surprise to him. He should have expected it. Especially after what happened, but part of him thought they were done pushing each other away.

Sam sighed, rubbing his hand over his face. Garth had stayed with him for a little while after Dean left, but soon needed to get home to his wife. He had offered for Sam to go with him, but Sam decided he would stay here. He didn't want to impose on his friend and he wanted to be here if Dean decided to return.

He had tried to find Dean, but the man was MIA, and after a couple months Sam decided to give it up. It was Dean's choice to leave and Sam should respect that. Bur he often left Dean messages, letting him know where he was if Dean ever needed him. He wasn't sure if Dean got them, but Dean had taken one of his phones, so he assumed Dean wanted to have some way to get a hold of each other if truly needed.

Sam had also been keeping his eyes out for more cases that could be "Lady" related. Nothing had popped up yet, but he wouldn't be surprised if one did. It didn't seem likely that Eve would have only made one of these creatures.

He glanced at the clock on the wall that read a quarter to midnight. With a yawn, Sam decided to call it a night. Tomorrow he would hit the road. He didn't have a destination in mind, but he needed to get out of the bunker.

* * *

 

Dean ran on the tread mill at a fast steady pace. The music pounded in his ears. He knew it was a little past midnight but he wasn't tired. He was however, energized and on edge. Lately he seemed to have all this extra energy and couldn't seemed to expel it without running himself into the ground so he had purchased a tread mill so he could get rid of the energy.

Tonight however it wasn't working. His mind was on Cas and the fact that it had been a few days over two months since he had seen him. Dean knew that Cas was probably having a hard time getting away, but that didn't help his need to see him or the twinge of jealousy.

Usually Cas would stop by once a week. Sometimes two when he could manage. Dean had started getting comfortable with the visits and being more open with his best friend. There hadn't been more kissing however. Dean wasn't sure how to proceed with that. Now that he knew this was real, especially for Cas, he knew he had to be careful. The last thing he wanted to do was lead Cas on and not be able to deliver in the end. This was new territory for him.

He wasn't sure it mattered though. Cas had said on more than one occasion that this was all they were going to get. He wasn't sure when he was going to return to earth, but he seemed confident it wouldn't be in Dean's lifetime. Heaven was far from even being in the okay category.

Dean slowed his pace to a jog. He wanted to shower, then try to get some sleep. He still wasn't very tired, but Cas couldn't visit him if he was awake. Soon his jog turned into a walk and five minutes later Dean was standing under the spray of water in his shower.

He let the water fall over his sweaty body, placing his hands on the wall in front of him. He couldn't help but wonder what it would be like if Cas were to accompany him in the shower. He had always enjoyed the company of a woman in the shower. He loved the way the water looked, running down their naked bodies.

Dean closed his eyes as he hardened. He could imagine Cas being there with him, Cas' body no doubt softer than his own. Not that Cas wasn't fit and lean, but Dean had the body of a fighter. He and Sam had to keep in shape to do what they do, and with the recent bouts of energy he spent even more time working out. Not to mention that his body was rough and scarred. Cas' body was probably scar free and smooth.

Dean shuddered as he gripped himself and started the rhythmic strokes. In his head it wasn't his hand that gripped his cock it was Cas'. He imagined that Cas had him laid out on the bed, kissing and touching him everywhere. Cas started at his mouth, sucking in his bottom lip, running the tip of his tongue along it. He made his way from there, kissing along his jaw to his neck, where he sucked and nibbled on the sensitive skin there. Dean moaned a little, the sound echoing in the small bathroom.

Dean worked himself quicker, his hips moving in rhyme with his hand has he saw Cas kiss down his chest, his teeth teasing one of his nipples before moving down his stomach to where they both wanted him to be. The moment Dean imagined Cas' mouth on him he climaxed, his head falling back as his moan filled the room.

Dean finished showering quickly and walked from the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. His cell phone beeped the way it did when a message was left. He didn't have to play it to know who the message was from. Sam was the only person who ever left messages. Hell, Sam was the only one who ever called. Which made sense considering the fact that everyone else he loved was gone.

Dean clicked on the message and hit speaker phone and listened as Sam's voice filled the room. "Hey, just letting you know that I won't be at the bunker for a few days." Was all he said. Dean saved the message like all the others and placed the phone on the night table.

He was glad Sam left messages on his phone. He missed Sam like crazy, and hearing his voice helped. He also liked that Sam, for the most part, let him know where he was going to be. He couldn't help but worry for him. Worrying for Sam seemed to be programmed into him.

Dean dried off before climbing into bed. He closed his eyes and willed his mind to be blank. His last thought was he hoped Cas would be there tonight.

* * *

 

Dean walked to the end of a cliff and looked down to the water. The sun was just starting to set and it shone on the water below, making it look like the water was made of diamonds. The blue in the sky was mixing with the pinks and oranges the falling sun created.

Dean's chest filled with a warmth that had nothing to do with the sun. He never achieved this kind of dream without Cas' influence, which meant he was here.

"Hello Dean," A familiar gruff voice said from behind him. He turned to see Cas, standing close behind him, a smile on his handsome face.

Dean couldn't help the smile that spread on his face as he replied, "Hey Cas."

Cas joined him at the edge of the cliff and looked down at the water with a content smile on his slightly stubbly face. "Beautiful isn't it?" Cas asked, his smile never wavering. He looked over at Dean, his blue eyes meeting Dean's beautiful green. His heart skipped a beat in his chest. It had been way to long since the last time they were together.

"It is," Dean replied, unsure whether he was talking about the setting sun or Cas. Seeing Cas was like being able to breath for the first time in months. He swallowed as Cas smiled that famous soft smile of his and chuckled.

"How are you?" Cas asked, fighting the urge to take Dean's hand. He hated that they were stuck in the awkward stage where neither was sure what was okay. Ever since that time in Dean's room, things had been awkward. Sure, they would spend the night hours just sitting in silence, looking at whatever scenery he chose for them. He wanted to expose Dean to the beautiful things in life and this scene was one he was rather fond of. He watched as Dean seemed to be looking him over, a look of relief on his face.

"Where have you been man?" Dean asked. His heart thumped hard in his chest as he looked at Cas. Every ounce of him wanted to take Cas into his arms and never let the man go, but he still wasn't sure how he felt about all of this. Was he in love with his best friend? Yes he most defiantly was. Did he think about that kiss they shared a few months ago? Every damn day. Was he okay with loving his best friend? He wasn't sure.

"Busy," Cas replied. He sat down on the grass, patting the spot beside him. He waited as Dean looked around before sitting down. He looked at the setting sun as he said, "We welcomed home another angel. Hannah is very pleased." He looked over at Dean when he huffed. The sound was amusing, as was the look of jealousy on Dean's face. This reaction never ceased to please Cas. It wasn't that he wanted Dean to be jealous, but he couldn't help but liking that Dean felt possessive of him enough to get jealous.

Dean sucked in his bottom lip and he let out a frustrated sigh. It bothered him to no end that Hannah got to see Cas whenever she wanted, but he couldn't. Cas had said on many occasions that she was nothing to him, but it never helped. He was sure she was happy Cas chose them over him and that really just pissed him off. "I bet she is," he replied, once he was sure he could keep his voice leveled. Cas let out a small chuckle. Dean loved the sound and he smiled. "What's funny?" Dean asked.

Cas shook his head as he smiled at Dean. "Nothing. I'm just glad to be here," He said. Cas stretched his legs out in front of him, leaning back and resting his weight on his hands. Dean did the same and Cas couldn't help but notice that Dean moved closer as he did so. He was sure if he spread his fingers he would be able to touch Dean's hand.

"I'm glad you're here too," Dean said, looking out at the sunset. It was truly beautiful. Cas always picked beautiful places to take him.

They were silent for some time. Dean never found a reason to fill their time together with endless chatter and Cas never seemed to mind the silence. After a few minutes he glanced over at Cas who was looking at him with that soft smile that gave him butterflies. He returned the smile without saying a word. He wasn't sure how, but it seemed that there was an exchange of beautiful words between them without actually speaking. Words he wasn't sure he could ever say out loud.

Cas slide his hand over until he touched Dean's. Dean looked down to where they touched, like it was a whole new concept for him. He looked back up into Cas' eyes and Cas couldn't help the way his heart fluttered. He watched as Dean looked back to the sky that was now almost completely dark.

"Would you walk with me?" Cas asked after the sun set completely.

Dean looked over at Cas, then looked around them. "Don't you think it's a little dark?" he replied, a smile in his voice. He frowned when he felt Cas stand.

"I can change that," Cas replied. The scenery around them changed and Dean had to blink a few time's as his eyes adjusted to the light. Cas offered Dean a hand to help him up and was delighted when Dean took it.

Dean looked around him. They had to be on a mountain of some sort given the fact that to his right there was a rocky wall that had moss growing on it and huge trees growing from it. To his left there were more trees that had the changing leaves of fall and a wooden fence that ran down the path for as far as he could see. It was like a scene from a movie and he wondered for a second if that's where Cas got the idea.

"We can walk now," Cas said, that soft smile still in place. He followed Dean as he started down the path. Dean had a smile on his face as well. Again they were silent for a while as they walked, taking in the view.

"Have you talked to Sam?" Cas asked, breaking the silence. He was sure he already knew the answer, but he wanted to ask anyway.

Dean shrugged as he replied, "He left a voicemail tonight saying he was hitting the road." He looked down at his feet as he spoke. He missed Sam like crazy and wished they could see each other, but he didn't like to be around people for too long. They made him edgy and that wasn't a good thing for him to be.

"He misses you too," Cas said, receiving a curious look from Dean. "I look in on him from time to time," he said, answering Dean's unspoken question. "He was telling someone over the phone he couldn't help but to miss you."

Dean felt warm with the news. Sure he knew Sam loved him, but it was nice to hear that his baby brother missed him. "I would visit if I could," Dean said longingly.

They walked in silence for a few more minutes, walking so close that the back of their hands touched every so often until Cas took Dean's hand in his own, his fingers entwining with Dean's.

Dean closed his eyes at the contact. It was nice to hold Cas' soft hand in his own again. Two months was way too long to go without seeing his best friend. When he opened his eyes Cas was watching him again and he could feel the blush on his face. "What?" he asked, both loving and hating the way Cas looked at him.

Cas cocked his head to the side and halted the walking. "I've missed you," he said, confusing Dean with his frown.

Dean's brow pulled down in a frown. "What's wrong?" he asked, hating the idea that Cas could be sad about anything. Which was funny considering their lives were full of sadness and loss.

"Two months is too long to go without seeing you and I'm afraid that could happen a lot." Cas started walking again, pulling Dean with him who seemed to be searching for something to say.

"It is what it is. We'll figure it out," Dean said. He looked at the trees they passed under. It was odd because here the real world didn't matter. Here he was unaffected by the mark. Here he felt happy and at peace for the first time in too long.

"Have you been looking for a cure?" Cas asked as he pulled Dean over to a bench.

"Yeah, but no luck. As far as I can tell all I can do is give the mark to someone else and even then it is unclear what that means for me," Dean scratched his cheek as he shrugged. "I don't know Cas, I feel like I'm going to be stuck with it forever."

"Has being on your own made a difference?" Cas asked, as he looked down at their joined hands. He loved it when Dean let them have contact.

"I'm okay for the most part. I have a lot of energy though and going out for groceries and stuff gets hard, but I manage. It's real easy to piss me off though, and that's when I worry about losing control. The more time that passes the worse it seems to get." Dean looked at Cas with fear in his eyes. "What if it's my destiny? What if it's what's supposed to happen?" He looked to the ground feeling overwhelmed with the prospect.

Cas bend his head down to make Dean look at him and when he did Cas soft said, "Since when do you believe in destiny?"

A frustrated sound escaped Dean's lips. "I don't, but this one feels so unavoidable. Like no matter how long I run, no matter where I hide it will find me and when it does…" Dean shook his head, pulling his hand from Cas, so he could bury his face in his hands. "I have nightmares Cas. Dreams I only escape when you're here."

"They're only dreams, Dean," Cas moved closer, putting his arm around Dean. "Dreams can't hurt you."

"Maybe not physically, but mentally they really screw me up," He looked over to Cas, who's face held what looked like pity. "Don't look at me like that," Dean said, standing. He rubbed his hands together as he walked over to the wooden fence and looked down the side of the mountain.

Cas waited a beat before Joining him. "Why do you do that?" Cas asked softly, unsure Dean would even answer him.

Dean closed his eyes and sighed. "Just, don't take pity on me. I can't stand that. Not from you."

"You think I pity you?" Cas asked surprised. "Sure, I feel sorrow for you, you've had so much hurt in your life. But mostly I worry. I care about you Dean. I love you!" Cas said. He look Dean's face in his hands, leaned up and kissed him gently on the lips. The kiss was so quick that Dean barely had time to react before Cas pulled away. "I worry the way a lover would. I can't help but want the best for you and I hate that there is nothing I can do to give it to you."

Dean swallowed and wished he could say those three words back, but they seemed to be stuck in his throat. "I know," he replied. He hesitated for a moment before leaning over and kissing Cas' forehead. It was a quick kiss, but to Cas it was everything.

"I will help you find answers," Cas said after a while of them looking down the mountain. "There has to be an answer somewhere."

"I hope so," Dean said, while he debated on whether or not he wanted to take Cas' hand. In the end he decided he needed it, so he reached out and grabbed his best friends hand and gave it a light squeeze. He truly hoped so.

 

**I hope you have all enjoyed the chapter. Reviews and Comments are appreciated. Thanks :D**


	12. Passing Time

**Disclaimer! I do not own Supernatural or its characters. All credit go to the wonderful creators** **of Supernatural and its actors.**

**Two months Later**

The moment the dream shifted, Dean knew Cas was there. One second it was pitch black and he was trying desperately to get to Sam, his heart racing in his chest, and the next he had to close his eyes due to the sun. He opened them slowly, taking in the breathtaking view.

He was standing on the bank of a river, with bluer than blue water and a medium sized waterfall to his left. "Hello, Dean," The familiar voice said from behind him. He turned to see Cas and his eyes widened, as Cas was currently stripping off his clothes. The sight put images into Dean's head, and he shifted as he hardened.

He looked away, rubbing the back of his head as he got his thoughts back in order. "What are you doing?" he asked, looking back to Cas who was stripped down to his boxers. Dean felt tongue tied as he looked at him. Cas looked as he had always imagined, Lean and soft. Dean could make out the subtle muscle under his smooth light skin.

"This is the proper weather for a swim, is it not?" Cas asked, his brows pulled together in question. Did he get something wrong?

The looked on Cas' face made Dean chuckle. "Yes, it is," he said, a smile on his face.

Cas' heart skipped a beat the way it always did when Dean laughed. It was a beautiful thing to see him smile, but to hear his rare laugh always made him feel lighter. "Well then, isn't it obvious? We are going for a swim," Cas replied, with a smile on his face. He wandered past Dean to the edge of the water, pausing for a moment to look back at Dean, before wading in.

Dean watched as Cas went deeper into the water, until he was swimming. It occurred to him that he had never seen Cas swim, and until now, he didn't know he could. It was odd to him that there was something he didn't know about the angel, and now he felt like maybe he didn't really know him as well as he thought he did.

Dean watched Cas swim around for a minute before he decided to join him. He stripped off his clothes to his boxers before making his way to the water. He walked into it, expecting it to be cold, but the water was at a perfect temperature.

He made his way to Cas, feeling awkward as he did so. He hated that he often felt weird being with Cas. He supposed that it was just something that was going to take time to get used to. "Where did this come from?" Dean asked, motioning around them. He had often wondered where Cas came up with these places. So many beautiful places that always seemed to calm Dean.

"From a movie, I think," Cas said with a shrug, he honestly couldn't remember how he came up with this one. He swam closer to Dean, stopping in front of him. He ducked under water, staying under for a few moment before popping back up.

Dean bit his lip as Cas reappeared. Seeing Cas wet reminded him of all those times he masturbated in the shower, while thinking of him. He felt his face get flushed as he hardened, and he was very aware that his boxers didn't hide much.

The way Dean looked just now was even more breathtaking than the view around them. He was flushed and biting his lip, something Cas always loved. He frowned when Dean turned and started swimming away from him. "Where you going?" Cas asked, as he grabbed Dean's arm and spun him around. He hugged Dean close and could feel Dean's hardness press into his stomach. It surprised him, but he didn't let on that he felt it. "Don't go anywhere. I've missed you." He said into Dean's ear. He shifted slightly, trying to hide his own erection. He didn't want Dean to be uncomfortable.

Dean shuddered under Cas' touch and hugged him back. "I've missed you too," Dean replied. He tried to ignore the fact that Cas was hard as well, but if he was being honest, the fact was driving him mad. He pulled away, clearing his throat as he did so. "How's Sam?" he asked, trying to ignore his racing heart.

"He is well. He is still looking for the cure," Cas replied, swimming to the rocks near the waterfall. He pulled himself from the water and onto the rock, disappearing behind the water fall.

Dean let that information sink in before he followed Cas. Dean looked around him and he had to admit that it was pretty cool being behind the waterfall. "What makes you think you're allowed to disappear if I'm not?" Dean teased.

Cas turned to him with that soft smile on his face. "I would never go too far. Besides," he said, going further into the little cave like room, then coming back with a small basket. "I thought this would be a good place to eat."

Dean had to smile at this. Cas had discovered that in Dean's dreams he could enjoy the taste of food, so he liked to make eating a part of their time together. Dean sat next to Cas, who was already unwrapping a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Dean pulled out his own with a low chuckle. For some reason Cas was overly found of these sandwiches, but he loved that about Cas.

"What?" Cas asked, breaking Dean's train of thought.

Dean blinked, then realized he had been staring at Cas. Cas looked flushed as he took another bite of his food. "Nothing, I didn't mean to stare at you," Dean said, taking a bite of his own food.

They ate silently for a few moments before Cas breathed. "I love the way you look right now."

Dean met Cas' piercing blue eyes that seemed to somehow be more blue than he had ever seen them. The expression on Cas' face made Dean's heart flutter and his hardness returned. If he didn't know better he would say Cas was eye fucking him. Dean had to swallow, then swallow again before he could even get his thoughts back in order. How was he supposed to respond to that?

Cas chucked nervously. "I'm sorry, Dean. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

"No," Dean said shaking his head at Cas. There was no need for him to apologize. Strangely he liked the compliment. It made him feel better than he would have thought it could. "It's okay. It just surprised me."

Cas looked away with a smile still on his face. He might not have meant to say it out loud, but he meant every word.

**Two weeks later**

Dean all but ran from the room. Trying that had been a horrible idea. He had no idea what he was thinking. He jumped into baby and pulled from the parking lot quickly. Yeah, that was disastrous.

Since Cas' last visit, he had been sexually frustrated, so he figured he would try to get some relief. However, it didn't go well. He really didn't have high hopes, but he didn't think that he wouldn't even be able to get it up. That had never happened to him before. It certainly wasn't for the lack of trying. Hell, he even tried thinking of Cas, but that only made things worse because it made him feel like he was cheating on him.

Dean let out a huff of breath. Would it even be considered cheating? It wasn't like they were exclusive. Hell they were technically not together. He only ever saw Cas in his dreams. He had no idea what they were. All he knew was his heart seemed to belong to Cas.

Dean sat on his bed once he got home, resting his face in his hands. He was frustrated, horny, and most of all, confused. He didn't know what he was doing. He spent his days full of energy and he was always super edgy. A damn dish couldn't fall on the floor without him over reacting. It was bullshit, and it pissed him off that he couldn't help it. Then he spent his nights either in fear or with Cas, and being with Cas always seemed to confuse him. He didn't know what the hell he was doing. So his nights were spent confused and his days angry.

To make it worse it was like the anger took him over, making him a completely different person. It was like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde shit going on, and he couldn't stand it. He couldn't stand not having control.

* * *

Dean woke slowly to the feel of someone caressing his cheek. The touch was warm and light, making Dean feel relaxed. He felt himself moving his face into the touch, allowing it to sooth him further. He knew who it was without opening his eyes, and at the moment he didn't care. He craved Cas' touch more than anything else, not to mention this was the most in control he'd felt in two weeks.

"I know you're not sleeping," Cas said in a light tone. He fought the urge to scoot even closer to Dean.

"Why are we in bed?" Dean asked sleepily. He still didn't open his eyes.

"You weren't dreaming, so here we are," Cas replied. Usually when he visited, Dean would be having a nightmare and Cas would bring them to better places. Tonight Dean wasn't dreaming, so he just left him in bed. He stroked Dean's cheek one more time before resting it there.

After a moment he moved his hand down to rest if on Dean's firm, naked chest. It was soothing to Cas to feel the steady beat of Dean's heart. "Hey," he smiled when he noticed Dean's eyes on him.

"Hey," Dean replied, smiling back. "Where've you been?" He asked, trying to ignore Cas' hand on his chest.

"It's only been a couple weeks since I've visited. We've gone longer," Cas replied. He looked at Dean. "I saw what happened today," he added slowly. It broke his heart to see Dean go to a woman. Then he was delighted when nothing happened, then felt bad for being delighted. He and Dean weren't actually a thing, so it wasn't like he had claim, but he felt like he did.

Cas felt Dean's heart rate quicken. The only question Cas had was why? Was it out of embarrassment? Was it out of anger for him watching?

Dean didn't know how to reply to that. He felt flushed knowing that Cas had witnessed that and it made him, once again, aware that Cas could be watching at any point. He was super relieved the angel couldn't read his mind because then he was sure he would never be able to look Cas in the eyes again. "You saw that huh?" Dean finally said quietly.

"I didn't mean to. I was just…You know looking in on you," Cas said, frowning when Dean sat up. He felt himself blush when he realized Dean was naked. He could easily change that small fact, but he found he didn't want too.

Dean moved the blanket, well aware that he was completely naked. He supposed Cas just left him the way he was when he went to sleep. He shook his head with a sigh. "I'm confused Cas," He whispered just loud enough for Cas to hear. Did Cas understand why he was confused? He wanted him to. He realized he needed Cas to make this all make sense to him.

Cas sat up to, moving so he was next to Dean, who was looking away from him. Dean always seemed ashamed of sharing emotions. Cas figured it was one of the reasons he hid them so much. "Dean, I can't help you if you aren't more specific," Cas replied softly.

There was a long moment where neither of them spoke, and Cas was just starting to think that Dean wasn't going to reply, when he said. "I'm not gay." he breathed, hiding his face in his hands.

Cas closed his eyes for a moment. He understood the statement, but it contradicted Dean's actions. Dean had kissed him, held him. He supposed he was a little confused himself, but didn't really care what it meant. He wanted whatever time Dean was willing to give him. He knew that made him sound needy and desperate, but it was nothing but the truth.

"Being with a woman feels wrong, but I'm not gay. I don't want to be with a male," Dean said, looking up when the bed squeaked and he was along. Cas' back was to him and he was sure he was upset with what he had just said. Dean took a deep breath as he closed his eyes. He didn't know what to do here. He certainly didn't mean to hurt Cas.

"I know you're not gay, Dean." Cas turned and faced Dean. "Perhaps I shouldn't have told you how I feel."

Dean shook his head. He might not like it, but he loved that Cas was in love with him. He loved his time with Cas, even if it was odd at times. "What are we doing Cas?" He asked. He needed to understand all this. "Where do we sit? What does all this mean? You're up in heaven, doing whatever it is you do and I'm down here trying not to go crazy. I need you, but this whole thing is messing with my head. I feel like I'm cheating on you when I try to be with someone else, but I'm not even sure what we are. I'm not…I'm just so confused." He stood up from the bed, taking the sheet with him to keep himself covered. "I'm falling Cas. I'm falling and it scares the living hell out of me!" Dean said, feeling like his chest might explode if he didn't. "I don't even know if I'm ever going to truly see you again and that…" Dean shook his head, feeling frustrated. "I just don't know what to do here and I'm confused. I don't know what to think or how to feel…"

"I'm sorry, Dean." Cas felt guilty for all this. If he hadn't said anything, if he hadn't been coming here all these months, then maybe things wouldn't be so bad for Dean. "Maybe I should go," Cas said his heart breaking for causing Dean confusion. He hadn't thought this through very much. Dean was right. It wasn't like they could ever truly be together. "Maybe we shouldn't meet like this."

"No!" Dean said, suddenly panicked. He walked closer to Cas with a plea in his eyes. Cas' statement seemed to have knocked the breath out him. The panic of never seeing Cas again was worse than it was when Cas actually left. "I can't handle not seeing you Cas. You're the only thing that seems to give me peace." Cas didn't looked convince and before he could argue Dean added, "I need you Cas. I can't stand the thought of not seeing you."

Cas' brows pulled together. "But you said you're confused. I don't want you to be confused."

Dean moved, taking Cas' hand with his free one. "You're the only part of any of this that makes sense." Dean kissed Cas' hand because he felt right.

Cas cocked his head to the side, with a look of confusion on his beautiful face. "I don't understand," he said, feeling confused himself.

Dean chuckled. "I'm not sure I understand either." He pulled Cas into a huge. "But I need you, and that I am sure of."

**Six weeks later**

Sam threw his bag on the table in the study. He had just stopped at the movie rental store to pick up a movie and he was sure he had seen Dean. The only problem was, Dean must have seen him too because, by the time he made it over to the porno section of the store, Dean was gone. It also made him realize that Dean must have been staying close. This was an odd comfort for him. He was missing Dean like crazy, and knowing he was close helped.

As he made his way to the kitchen for food his phone ring, and he smiled when Julianne's name popped up. They had been texting for a few months now, and he was liking her more and more. _"I'm going to Rome! I'm so excited :D I leave in two days. Eek."_ Sam smiled at this. She had often talked about going to Rome, but was always afraid to go. He was sure she wasn't afraid to actually leave, but she was afraid to leave her current life behind. She was afraid of the change. _"That's great! I knew you could do it. Make sure not to forget about me when you're there."_

Sam tucked his phone into his pocket and pulled out the fixings for a sandwich. He mindlessly made his while thinking about the night ahead of him. He was still busy trying to find a way to get the mark off Dean. So far, there was nothing in the lore and he wasn't even sure if there was going to be anything. He often wondered if there was anything on the damn demon tablet that said anything about it, but he never heard Kevin make mention of it. Though he supposed Kevin wouldn't have. That wasn't what was on the agenda at the time.

His phone buzzed again as he sat at the table. _"How could I forget about you? I'm not sure how long I'll be gone but we will have to get together when I return. I'm going to miss you."_ Sam smiled a little at that. They had been getting together about once a month for the past few months. It wasn't a booty call, though the last time they got together sex was involved. Sam genuinely enjoyed her company and she his, or at least he assumed so _. "We will have to do that. I will miss you too."_

Metatron would know, wouldn't he? He wrote all of them. Sam sighed in frustration. How the hell was he supposed to talk to Metatron? Heaven was locked or whatever. It had been months since he had seen Cas. He knew Cas said he was going to be gone, but a small part of him thought it wouldn't last, and he has been gone for about ten months now.

"Hey Cas. Do you have your ears on?" Sam asked out loud. He was sure Cas wouldn't respond, but he had to try anyway. "Look buddy I know that you are stuck up there, but I need your help. I'm thinking Metatron is the only one who may know how to get rid of the mark. Dean needs you Cas. I need your help." Sam waited there for about twenty minutes before he sighed and stood. Cas wasn't coming, and he would be lying if he said it was okay.

Sam went to the study and pulled out the new lore book he bought. This book claimed to have older lore, and he prayed this book would be it. If not he was running out of options and according to Dean's message, he felt like he was running out of time.

* * *

Dean turned off the TV after realizing it did nothing for him. After his last encounter with Cas a month and a half ago he thought, what if he was gay? He sat on it for a while and finally decided the only way to know for sure was to find out, and he sure as hell wasn't going to try to sleep with a guy, so he settled for trying out a gay porno. Unfortunately, he didn't have internet here, which was by design; if he had it he would be too tempted to go out and hunt. He barely turned on the TV because of that. Not having internet meant he had to go to the damn video store. Not only was the trip embarrassing, he was sure he saw Sam, and ended up leaving without the video. He asked some woman to get it for him and she agreed after he bribed her with fifty dollars.

Dean sat back on the sofa feeling frustrated. It all seemed to be in vain because it did nothing for him but make him a little uncomfortable. He had no idea two guys could have sex in other positions besides doggy style. He also found that regular porn still did it for him so this didn't help anything. He still liked women and they turned him on, but so did Cas.

Dean sighed as he ran his hand through his hair. Not knowing whether or not he was gay was driving him nuts. The only thing he knew for sure was that he was falling for his best friend, who just happened to be a guy.

Maybe that was the answer, Dean thought, as he ran on the treadmill later that night. Maybe he wasn't necessarily "gay." He just happened to be falling in love with a guy. Okay, so he supposed that made him bisexual or something? He shook his head. He couldn't be, because that still implied that he was into dudes and he wasn't. He was just into Cas. He was Cas sexual. Dean smiled at his thought. Yeah, but seriously, he could be okay with that.

Dean sighed. Maybe he really could be okay with that. He wasn't gay, he was just in love with Cas. Dean wiped at is forehead with his discarded shirt. Yes, he thought again to himself, he could handle that. Dean picked up his pace. Okay so he wasn't completely okay with it, but it sat better with him than thinking he was into guys. He had always been as straight as a line.

Cas changed that. Cas changed everything, and looking back, Dean knew that he had been falling for Cas for years. It wasn't something that just happened, it was gradual. He didn't know he was falling then, but he knew it now. There were many times where he would get odd feelings or urges, but he had shaken them off, stuffed them down. He had ignored them because he didn't want to feel them. He wasn't ready to accept the truth. Part of him still wasn't ready to, but he couldn't deny the truth anymore either. He was in love with Cas, and this acceptance of the truth scared the hell out of him.

 

**I hope you have all enjoyed the chapter. Reviews and Comments are appreciated. Thanks :D**


	13. Losing It

**Disclaimer! I do not own Supernatural or its characters. All credit go to the wonderful creators** **of Supernatural and its actors.**

Sam sighed in frustration as he pulled away from the table. This wasn't going anywhere. He was almost finished with the book, and there was nothing about the Mark of Cain in it. At least nothing he didn't already know. Sam stretched as he stood and looked over at the clock. It was three in the morning.

He picked up his soda cans and turned for the kitchen, only to pause with shock. "Cas?" Sam asked, surprise in his voice. He hadn't expected Cas to actually show. "You came."

Cas smiled at Sam. It had been a long time since he had talked to Sam, and he missed him. "It's good to see you Sam," Cas said. "However, I'm not really here."

"Come again?" Sam asked, wondering if he had finally lost it. He had been having a lot of late nights and early mornings. Maybe his lack of sleep had finally made him crazy.

"I'm in your dream. You fell asleep reading that book," Cas went on, nodding to the book on the table.

"Well, I guess this shows how desperate I am for you," Sam shook his head.

"I'm really here in your dream, Sam. This might be in your head, but I'm really here. I can enter dreams, and this is the only way I can talk to you." Cas gave Sam a moment to let this sink in.

"So, you heard my prayer?" Sam asked.

Cas nodded. "I listen when I'm prayed to."

Sam nodded for a moment. "Do you think Metatron can help? Do you think there is anything on the tablets that can help?" Sam asked, hopeful.

Cas shook his head. "I do not know the answer to that, and I've tried to talk to Metatron, but he won't talk unless we agree to free him."

"Then we make him talk!" Sam said in a slightly raised tone.

"Don't you think I have tried that? He won't talk." Cas could see Sam's frustration building. "We will find a way to help him, Sam," he said in a reassuring tone.

"How? Because I have been looking non-stop for months, and I have found nothing helpful!" Sam said, putting the soda cans back down on the table. "Meanwhile my brother is god knows where, keeping himself isolated. Do you have any idea what he is going through? He left me a text message telling me he feels like he is losing it. He feels like he is going to go mad!" Sam took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment, as he sat back down. He knew this wasn't Cas' fault, but this whole thing was just so damn frustrating. Why couldn't their lives be simple.? He didn't feel like he was asking for too much.

"I see Dean, Sam. I know he is on edge and worried, but he his hanging in there. He is doing the best he can," Cas said, taking the seat next to Sam's.

Sam blew out his breath. "He's safe?" Sam asked with concern. He had no idea what Dean had been up to besides doing his best to stay away from people. This made him wonder things, like how he got his food and what the hell he did with his time? The not knowing drove him crazy. "He's truly okay?"

"He is safe. He keeps to himself mostly. He has a lot of energy and isn't sleeping much lately, but he works out often and keeps himself occupied. He spends a lot of time trying to figure out how to get rid of the mark. He says he misses hunting, but I think he just hates being cooped up. He does go out sometimes at night though, to a park or some isolated area." Cas had to stop there because he almost said that it helps that he visits in Dean's dreams and takes him places, and that would make Sam ask questions he may not want to answer.

Sam felt a little better with that information. It didn't make him miss him any less, but at least Dean was okay, for now anyway. "You know where he is, don't you? Sam asked. Cas nodded his response. "You have to promise me that if things get bad you will tell me where he is. If Dean needs me, you have to tell me where to find him."

Cas looked away from Sam. His first thought was he couldn't betray Dean like that. Dean had asked him to keep Sam away if things got bad. He didn't want to accidently hurt Sam. However, he never agreed to the promise. "I promise that if things get bad, I will tell you where he is."

"Thank you, Cas. I really worry for him." Sam played with the pages of the book for a moment. "You really don't think we could get Metatron to talk?"

"The only person I think could get anything out of him is Dean, and Dean would most likely kill him," Cas replied. "I know that this is frustrating, but you can't give up, Sam. Dean needs you to not give up."

Sam ran his hands through his hair. "I'm not giving up Cas." He shook his head feeling so fed up with all of this. "I just want some peace in this life. Is that too much to ask for? I just want things to at least go back to the way they used to be, before all this demon crap."

"I wish that for you too," Cas said, meaning it. He often wished for the guys to have it easier. They both just wanted some normalcy. "Julianne seems like a good person," he added, off topic.

Sam stood with a humorless laugh. "Yeah, she's great. She's funny and kind. She makes me smile by just being herself, and she's smart. She has this innocence about her, but she's not blind to the bad." Sam looked down at Cas. "She's someone I would want in another life."

"Would it be all so terrible to have her in this life?" Cas asked. He knew that the life of a hunter was hard, but could Sam really not have someone?

"It's too dangerous Cas. Everyone I've ever loved has died. Even Dean." Sam stood and started pacing the room. "It wouldn't be fair to either of us.

"Amelia is still alive isn't she?" Cas asked curiously. Did he miss that one?

"Yeah, because we aren't together anymore. If I had stayed with her she would be gone too." Sam stopped his pacing and looked at Cas. "Even if I decided I wanted to chance her life, which I don't, I couldn't take away her innocence. There is something precious about being in the dark about this stuff. I don't want to make her afraid. This isn't the life I want for her."

Cas stood, going over to Sam. He placed his hand on Sam's shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. "You're a great man, Sam," Cas said, giving Sam a smile. "I am proud to be your friend."

Sam had to smile back at Cas. "Thank you, Cas. That really means a lot to me." Sam felt more like they were family. Cas had been with them through a lot of bad shit, and if anything were to happen to him he would be devastated.

Cas looked up to the ceiling with a frown on his face. His brow furrowed as he said, "I've got to go."

Sam sighed as Cas left. It was nice to see Cas gain, but he felt like they accomplished nothing. They were still no closer to finding the cure. He rested his forehead on his hand and prayed for more peaceful sleep

* * *

**A few days Later**

Sam walked quickly to his phone, expecting it to be Julianne. She was due to call any time now, and he was looking forward to hearing her voice. Her light laughter is what he needed to hear to help him through the long days of dead ends and disappointment. Even hunting wasn't helping anymore.

He was surprised to see Dean's name on the caller ID. "Dean?" he answered worriedly; usually Dean would only leave a message. There was the sound of music playing in the background, but Dean didn't reply. "Dean, you okay?" Sam asked, the worry thickening in his voice. He could hear Dean clear his throat and knew that Dean was upset. "Dean, are you okay?" Still no response, and Sam's heart pounded in his chest. "Look man, everything is going to be okay. I'm working on the cure. I will save you. You just…You gotta fight this, Dean. You have to hold on a little longer. Don't give in Dean. Don't give up." The line went dead. Sam sat in a chair with a curse. He had to find this god damn cure, and he had to do it fast.

* * *

Dean paced his small living room feeling like a loose wire. He killed them, both of them, just for pissing him off. He was on his way home from the grocery store and they were drunk and looking for a fight. They had cornered him in the alley not too far from where he lived and put a gun to his head, demanding his money.

If only he decided to drive instead of walk, but the night was nice and he needed to stretch his legs. Walking to get his groceries had become the usual for him.

"Son of a bitch!" He cried out, punching the wall closest to him. He hadn't meant to kill them. He was just trying to defend himself, and his rage just got away from him. He tried to steady his breathing as he looked at the hole he created in the wall. He could feel the blood run down his hand and welcomed the pain. It made him feel just a little more human.

Hearing Sam's voice helped calm him. He had intended to talk, but found he was lost for words. He wasn't sure he wanted Sammy to know the monster he was becoming.

He fell to his knees as the wave of guilt hit him. Did those men have families? Were there children who were now fatherless because of him? "You've killed before," Dean tried telling himself, but it wasn't helping. Outside of the time he was a demon, he didn't kill humans just because he could.

"Cas," Dean choked out as the tears stung his eyes. He felt like he couldn't breathe. Like the air around him was getting sucked out. What was going to become of him? Was he just going to turn into some monster? A man who might as well be a demon? "I can't," Dean said, his voice cracking.

Dean laid on the floor, rolling onto his back. He looked at the ceiling, wishing this could just be over. He was sick of this life. He was sick of the fighting and the bullshit. He was sick of doing the wrong thing and fucking everything up. He was just sick of it all.

He just wanted peace. He wanted Sam to have Jess and be happily married. He wanted his mom and dad. He wanted Bobby. He wanted Ellen and Jo to be happily running a bar somewhere. He wanted Kevin to be in college doing whatever the hell it is he wanted to do. He wanted Cas. He wanted all the lives he ruined to be unruined.

"I'm here, Dean," Cas said from the sofa. Dean opened his eyes and looked over at Cas, who looked at Dean with sad eyes. "I've been waiting for you."

Dean choked back the tears that threated to flow. He felt like it had been years since he had seen him. "I wish you were really here," Dean whispered, hating how raw and exposed he felt.

Cas looked down at his folded hands. "I know what you did Dean, but you can't blame yourself. The mark is changing you."

"Ya think?" Dean said, sitting up. His voice held more venom than he intended. He took a deep breath, trying to calm his anger.

Cas looked up at him, cocking his head to the side. "You need to try to control it Dean. Don't give in to it."

"Don't you think I'm trying?" Dean asked. What the hell was he trying to say. Did he think he wanted to give in to the dark? Did he think this is what he wanted? To be a monster? "I don't want this, Cas. I don't want to be a monster."

"I didn't mean it that way Dean. I just meant that Cain was able to control it, so somehow you should be able to do it too. Maybe there is a small part of you that wants to give in. Giving in would take away the pain you feel. I'm just saying you need to fight that part of you." Cas moved to the floor next to Dean, who scooted away from him, with hurt on his face.

"I don't want that," He yelled as he stood. Okay so he was lying. Part of him has wondered if it would be better to just give in, but he sure as hell wasn't admitting to it. He started to pace, the feeling of unease settling into his stomach.

"Dean," Cas said as he stood. He watched for a moment as Dean paced. Seeing Dean this way broke his heart. Usually in his dreams Dean found peace, but this time was different. Cas thought quickly for a change of scenery and changed their surrounding the moment something came to mind.

Dean stopped pacing the moment the scenery changed. He looked around them and realized they were in the same park they had been in the first time Cas entered his dreams. This time it was dark and the stars above them shone proudly due to the lack of light, though the moon was full and it made enough light for them to see each other. Cas walked up to him and hesitantly took his hand.

Cas' touch soothed his anger. It was like Cas defused him. He closed his eyes. "I'm sorry Cas."

"I know." Cas' thumb rubbed the top of Dean's hand, causing chills to run through him. He couldn't believe the peace he found with Cas.

Dean pulled Cas to him and wrapped his arms around him. Cas returned the hug and Dean sank into it, letting all the worry of the day go. Right now it was just them and nothing else. At least that was what he was telling himself.

The urge to be closer with Cas hit him and he was suddenly moving, taking Cas' soft lips with his own, pulling Cas closer to him. The kiss was urgent and rougher than he had meant it to be, but it was what he needed and Cas met his urgency, moving his own lips in time with Dean's.

Dean shivered in pleasure as Cas' hands ran down his back, down to his hips were he rested them. Dean couldn't help the moan that rose in his throat as Cas pulled his hips closer to his own. He could feel Cas' hardness, which made his own harder. His need to be with Cas had never been so urgent. It was almost as if being with Cas would make all the bad shit disappear.

Dean grabbed onto Cas' trench coat, pulling it off in a frenzy. Cas pulled away breathlessly. He met Dean's eyes for a moment, before diving back into the kiss. 'Was this actually going to happen?' Cas wondered, suddenly worried. He had no idea what to do here, but he wasn't going to stop it either. He wanted this more than he could put into words.

Dean had no idea what he was doing as he kissed Cas passionately. He had never been with a guy before, but he needed it. He needed to feel Cas pressed against him. He needed to get closer to the only thing in his life that grounded him. He felt nervous as he kissed Cas from his jaw, to his ear.

Dean kissed Cas' ear lobe, gently sucking it into his mouth. The moan that escaped Cas' lips was the most erotic sound Dean had ever heard, making his need for Cas grow.

Dean made quick work, unbuttoning Cas' white shirt, ignoring his shaky hands. He drew Cas' shirt off and tossed it aside and cursed the tie that took a moment to remove, but soon Cas was free of that, too. He ran his hands up Cas' back, and he couldn't believe how soft Cas' skin was against his rough hands. He never thought a man could feel so soft.

Cas sighed into Dean's touch, loving the feel of Dean's rough hands running up his back. He couldn't believe that Dean was touching him like this, and Dean's need for him brought him to a new height of happiness. He felt like the world could end and he wouldn't care.

Cas shivered when Dean kissed him on his neck, and the electricity that shot through him made his hardness pulse. He loved this feeling. He pulled at Dean's black tee shirt, thankful that he wasn't wearing his usual layers of clothing. Dean stopped kissing Cas' neck long enough to remove his shirt. The moment it was over his head, he took Cas' lips with his own again.

Cas ran his hands down Dean's hard stomach and smiled when Dean's body quivered. He knew from the last and only time he had sex that the quivering was a good thing. Cas loved the feel of Dean's body, the muscles prominent under Dean's skin. Cas' fingers lingered on a scar on Dean's stomach for a moment. Dean's body was full of scars that told his life story, and he loved every single one of them.

Dean continued to kiss Cas urgently. It amazed him how good of a kisser Cas was and felt jealous at the thought of anyone who may be the reason behind the seeming expertise kissing. He crushed their bodies together, surprisingly loving the feel of their naked chests touching. The contact seemed to soothe him even further.

Dean stopped his roaming hands when he realized where they were headed, and suddenly, he felt way too unsure about this. He knew what he wanted, but he just wasn't ready. Not yet.

Cas wanted to object when Dean stopped kissing him, but he could see the uncertainty in Dean's beautiful eyes, and he didn't want Dean to do anything he would regret later. He held onto Dean as Dean rested his forehead on his. "I," was all Dean could get out.

Cas took Dean's face in his hands and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. "I know, Dean" Cas said, before pulling Dean into a tight hug. He didn't need Dean to explain. His eyes said it all.

Dean nuzzled into Cas' neck and took a deep breath. He wished he could stay there forever, wrapped in the safety of Cas' embrace. "I need you," he whispered. "I really do."

Cas held him closer. "I'm here, Dean," he whispered back, squeezing Dean closer for a moment. Cas closed his eyes, wishing they could stay like this forever.

* * *

**Two weeks later**

"All I'm finding is the same ole same," Garth said, as Sam paced his small living room.

Sam ran his hand through his hair as he sighed in frustration. He was spending a lot of time lately wishing Bobby were here. He might not know what to do, but with Bobby around things wouldn't seem so bad.

"Here you go, Hon," Bess, Garth's wife, said as she placed a platter with coffee and cookies down on the table. Sam watched as she sat on the arm of the sofa and Garth wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her down onto his lap.

"I don't know what to do, man," Sam said. It was true. He had exhausted all his options. There was nothing in the lore. There was nothing in the books that had many different variations of the Cain legend. He even went to the churches. Nothing. He went to professors, and they had nothing he hadn't heard before.

"What if there isn't a way? What if he is stuck with the mark forever?" Bess asked, her tone low and full of worry. Garth pulled her closer to him.

Sam stopped his pacing and looked at them. The love between them was so strong, and he was truly happy for Garth. It made him long for a love like that. A love that took your breath away and made you crazy. One that lasted forever. One that people would talk about and write songs about. A love so pure it could overcome anything.

"That's not an option," Sam replied. He wouldn't allow it to be. He will save his brother. Even if it's the last thing he did.

"I'm sorry my father couldn't be of more help," Bess said.

"It's okay, I'm thankful that he even gave me his time," Sam said, forcing a smile on his face. He didn't want her to be worried that he was mad. He wasn't mad at them. It was the situation that was pissing him off.

"I will walk you out," Garth said. Bess stood and gave him a hand to help him up. He stood, giving her a kiss, before leading Sam to the door.

"What's your next step? Garth asked once they reached Sam's car. He wanted to talk to Sam privately. There was no point it upsetting Bess more than she already was.

Sam rested his hands on the silver rental car, looking up at the darkening sky. "I honestly don't know," Sam sighed, feeling hopeless. "I don't want to do this anymore," Sam said.

Garth's bow pulled together. "You giving up on a cure?" he asked confused.

"No, of course not. I'm just tired of the life. I never wanted it." Sam shook his head. "I want to settle down. Find love. Have a family. I want the life I would have had if my mom never died."

"If your mom never died you would have been shocked and unprepared when Yellow Eyes came for ya," Garth reminded him.

Right! He hadn't given that much thought recently and if it wasn't Yellow Eyes it would have been the angels and the damn apocalypse. Okay so he wanted the life he would have had if all this shit didn't exist. "I don't know, Garth. I guess I'm just longing for something I will never have." A vision of Julianne popped into his head. She was looking at him with laughter in her stunning green eyes.

"Didn't Cain figure out a way to deal with the mark? I mean, Dean said the man was tending bees," Garth said, hoping to help Sam get out of this slump.

"He fell in love," Sam said with a shrug. "He found something that grounded him, and he didn't want to be the bad guy anymore."

"See, there is hope for Dean," Garth said with a smile.

Sam let out a humorless laugh. "Yeah, well, I don't think Dean is in love with anyone, so that solution is off the table. Besides it took Cain years to suppress his dark side, and he had to stay isolated. Not find himself in situations that would constantly piss him off. That life won't work for Dean."

Sam stood up straight and rubbed his face in his hands. "There has to be something I am overlooking."

"Well if there is, you will find it," Garth said with a smile, trying to lighten Sam's mood.

"Yeah," Sam said, sighing. He appreciated Garth's efforts, but nothing was going to make him happy at the moment.

Garth placed a hand on Sam's shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. He took a long breath before speaking. "I'm sorry, man. I wish I knew what to say."

Sam shrugged him off and gave him a fake smile. "I'm fine," he said as he opened the car door. "You take care of Bess, Garth. You've got something truly special."

Garth gave Sam a huge grin. "And I know it," he replied. "You take care Sam, and if you see Dean give him my regards."

Sam nodded before getting into the car. His heart was heavy and his head pounded as he pulled away from Garth's home. Bess' father was truly his last hope. Now he had no idea where to go and he was losing hope, and losing hope was the worst thing he could do.

 

**I hope you have all enjoyed the chapter. Reviews and Comments are appreciated. Thanks :D**


	14. Answers In Unexpected Places

**Disclaimer! I do not own Supernatural or its characters. All credit go to the wonderful creators** **of Supernatural and its actors.**

**Two months later**

"Damn it Cas!" Dean yelled into his empty house as he threw his dining chair across the room. He couldn't take this anymore. The mark was like an itch he couldn't scratch no matter how hard he tried. To make matters worse, he hadn't seen Cas for more than two months, and the separation was killing him.

When Cas was in his dreams he got a break from his reality, but the nights when Cas didn't show he had nightmares, and all they did was agitate his waking state. "Where are you?" he said in a whisper, the anger lessoning. For the moment anyway.

His emotions were like hot and cold. One moment he was calm and able to think straight, and the next he was pissed off and his mind was in a haze. "Come on man, you can't do this to me."

Dean sat on his broken sofa and looked at the books scattered on the table in front of him. Most were overdue library books, and others he'd stolen from the book store. He had intended on buying them, but by the time he got to the book store he was so on edge he wasn't sure he could even go in. He sat in his car for twenty minutes debating whether he should just go home. So when he got in there and the line was super long, he just took the damn books.

He hoped like hell someone would out him, because he wanted the fight, needed it. However, luckily for everyone, there was no fight, and he drove off like nothing happened.

There was, of course, nothing in any of these books that was helpful. He had even read different copies of different bibles in hopes that SOMETHING would be in there, but there was nothing. There was never anything.

Dean took a deep breath as his blood seemed to calm. He knew it wouldn't last long. It was like the calm before the storm. What sucked more was he knew when the storm was going to come. His heart would begin racing and his blood felt like it was boiling. He would start to shake, and there would be ringing in his ears. It was the worst feeling in the world.

Dean stood with a sigh, and jumped onto his treadmill. Getting rid of extra energy seemed to help. It also helped him sleep. So every day he would run himself into exhaustion, then lift some weights to tire himself further. Only then could he shower and fall into bed. Then it was a game of clearing his mind enough to fall into an uneasy sleep.

Every night he hoped for the same thing. Cas. He needed to see him, and he needed the sweet relief from the fear. Something only Cas could bring him. He needed that break from his shitty reality. He needed Cas.

He tried not to think on Cas for too long though. Usually that didn't end well. He feared that Cas would never return to his dreams. Then that led him to the fact that he would never really see Cas again. Cas would never truly hold him in his arms. Cas would never truly kiss him and whisper in his ear that everything will be okay.

He'd never needed that before. Not from anyone. Cas was different though. Sure, he'd loved people before. Cassie, Lisa. He did love them. Especially Lisa. She was there for him in one of the worst times in his life. Waking up next to her was the best feeling in the world at that point. He hated to have to leave her behind, and erasing himself from her memory was a hard choice to make, but he was able to do it. He wasn't sure he could take Cas' memory of him away from him. Cas not knowing him made his stomach ache. He needed Cas to know him.

He needed Cas in ways he never wanted to need someone. With Cas, he felt like he could do anything and be anything. Cas made sense to him. Being with Cas made his heart light, and the man knew how to take his breath away like nothing else. Sometimes he wanted to kick himself for not knowing this sooner. For not being with him while he had the chance to really do something about it , and now he would never have the chance.

Dean shook his head as his heart began to speed up. His stomach dropped, and he screamed out of frustration. He ran faster, trying to think of happier things to keep the darkness at bay, but his blood felt like it was going to boil and his head began to get hazy. He shook it, trying to think through it. If he could just think through it, he would be more in control. "Son of a bitch!" he bit out, as he felt his body begin to shake, and the evil overtake him.

* * *

"Are you listening to me, Castiel?" Hannah asked, breaking his concentration. She looked at him with an angry expression.

He blinked a few times as he looked over at her. "I'm sorry, what?" he asked. He had heard Dean's prayer and couldn't ignore him, so he had zoned out while she was talking to him. He knew she was talking about another angel's return, but anything after that he hadn't heard.

"For the love of our father, Castiel. Where was your mind?" She shook her head in disapproval. "Let me guess, it was that human again. It's bad enough that I can hardly leave you alone without you getting into that man's dreams, but now you zone out when I'm speaking? What do I have to do to keep you focused?"

Cas didn't respond. She had found out about his visits with Dean, and has made it impossible for Cas to see him since. It has been over two months, and the separation was killing both of them. Dean was getting worse, and Cas felt stuck. He wanted to be down there, helping Dean through it, though he wasn't sure what he could even do if he were down there.

Hannah sighed and shook her head. "We have more important things to worry about than Dean Winchester!" she barked. "Why do you keep going there, Cas? Let the human go. Where do you think it will go, anyway? He is a human, you're an angel! He will grow old, while you will stay young. You two could never work. Not for a long time anyway. He isn't worth your time, Castiel."

Cas looked up at her, trying to hold back his anger. She didn't understand. She didn't know Dean's heart the way he did. That man was worth everything. At least to him, and that should be his choice. "You know very little, Hannah." Cas stood and went to the door. "And in the case of Dean Winchester, you know nothing."

* * *

"I am so happy to be home," Julianne said, as they walked into her apartment. She looked over at Sam and gave him a big smile. "I have to say, I was surprised to see you at the airport."

Same smiled back at her. God, he'd missed her while she was gone. "I told you I would pick you up," he replied, as she flipped on the living room light.

"Yeah, but I know that sometimes you get busy." She walked to her room and Sam followed. He put the bags he was holding on her bed, next to the one she'd put there. "I guess I was just not getting my hopes up, in case you couldn't show."

Sam gave her a sad kind of smile. She knew that his life was complicated, and he loved that she just accepted it and didn't even ask why. "How was Rome?" he asked, as he sat on her bed. She was roaming about, putting things away.

"It was wonderful!" she said, pulling off her boots and tucking them under her bed. "I got to see so many historical sites, and the history of that place is just fascinating. Oh and the museums." She paused as she unzipped a suitcase and pulled out some clothes, putting them in a hamper. "The art is beautiful and the history of the church," she shook her head happily. "The cathedrals are so beautifully amazing. I had the best time and met the nicest people." She turned to him and gave him another smile. "There was one story that really sticks out in my head about the Mark of Cain. I never even knew Cain had any kind of mark, though some people believe it was a physical mark, while others believe it's metaphorical." She paused and turned from him.

"What?" Sam asked, as she pulled off her jacket. She looked at him, her smile still in place. "Oh, a priest told us of this old tale or something about a mark that Cain had. You know, like Cain and Abel?" She clarified, and went on when Sam nodded. "Anyway," she said, with a wave of her hand, tossing her jacket in the hamper. "He said that Cain was forever doomed to be evil, unless he was saved. It was just a really interesting story. Of course he gave more details and stuff, but I don't remember how it goes exactly. I really wish I had a recorder, though. I have to say, he was the oddest priest I have ever met. He seemed to really believe in it. Though I suppose they do. You know, given they are priests and all.

Sam jumped up from the bed. "Did he say how Cain could be saved?" Sam asked her, seriously.

She gave him a confused look. "Why does…?"

"Julie, I need to know," he said, trying to sound more casual, but he knew the seriousness came through.

Her brows pulled together as she seemed to think it through. "I'm not sure." She thought on it a moment. "He said something about grace, but I really can't remember. I heard it about a week after I arrived, and I heard so much while I was there. Like I said, I wished I had recorded it.

"Angel grace?" Sam said, his heart pounding with hope for the first time in months.

Her face lit up. "Yeah!" She exclaimed. "Yeah! An angel has to willingly give up their grace." She nodded. "I really wish I knew the whole story."

Sam ran at her, lifting her up in a hug and spinning her around as laughter escaped him. She laughed too as he spun her. "I don't understand what's happening here," she said, as he put her back on her feet.

Sam grabbed her face and kissed her quickly on the lips. "Right now, you are my favorite person!" he said, excitedly. He turned from the room and went to get his phone from the car.

"I don't understand?" she said, confused, as she followed him out. "Why? What did I do?" she asked, as he put his phone to his ear.

"You went to Rome," Sam replied, so happy he could cry. "Dean, I might have found a cure. Just hang tight," Sam said, after the beep. He looked at Julianne with happiness. She may have just found the cure, and for that he would be forever grateful. Even if she could never know why.

She laughed and shook her head as he walked up to her and took her in his arms. God he wished he could tell her what she had just done.

She pulled away from him after a moment, her smile still in place. "You are the strangest person I have ever met. Did you know that?"

Sam laughed, because at the moment he couldn't have any other reaction. "I hope that it's not a bad thing."

She shook her head. "Lucky for you, I like weird. It keeps life interesting. Now can we please go back inside? I hate wet socks."

Sam laughed as he looked down at her feet. She was, in fact, wearing socks that had gotten wet. He took her hand and led her back inside.

"Would you start some tea while I change?" she asked him.

"Sure," he said, as he made his way to the kitchen. He couldn't believe he had never even given angel grace a thought. It made perfect sense. Great good to overcome great evil. Sure, he had to find an angel who would willingly give up their grace, then he had to figure out how to transfer it, but this was the best lead he had gotten in months. It felt amazing to have hope again.

A scream echoed from Julianne's room, breaking the silence and Sam's joy. "Julie!" Sam yelled, running to her room. He knocked down the closed door. His heart dropped when he saw a man pinning her down on the floor. "No!" he yelled moving forward to help her, but two more appeared out of nowhere, holding him back. The last thing he saw was a fist coming at him, before everything went black.

* * *

When Sam came to, he was cuffed to a thick pole. It took him a minute to get his eyes adjusted to the bright light. He could hear Julianne's panicked breathing, and his heart broke. He didn't want this. He didn't want her to know about this life. Finally, he was able to take in his surroundings, and the moment he looked at her his heart broke more. She looked back at him with frightened eyes.

"Sam? Where are we?" she asked. She looked a little beat up, and that pissed him off.

"I'm so sorry, Julie," Sam said, his voice breaking a little. He never should have stayed in her life. He should have just left it at that one night stand. "I never should have kept you in my life."

She let out a soft cry. "Sam?" She shook her head as she composed herself. "Please tell me what is going on. Does this have to do with your job?"

Sam looked at her with a broken heart. He didn't know how she was going to take this news. He closed his eyes. "Shit," he said, out loud, then looked at her. There goes her innocence. "I don't suppose I could convince you not to ask?"

"Sam, I am freaking out right now. I need you to tell me what the hell is going on and why we're here!" she said, trying really hard not to panic. "I've been up for a while, and I have heard them talk about impossible things. Things that I don't understand."

Shit, what has she heard? "I'm so sorry, Julie. I never wanted this." Julie looked at him with confused eyes, so he went on. What choice did he have? "All this might be hard to believe. But I swear to you, every word of it is true."

Her eyes narrowed in skepticism. "Okay?" she said, dragging out the word.

Sam had to take a deep breath before he went on. "I'm what they call a hunter. My brother and I. We hunt things." He watched as she took this in.

"I still don't understand." Or maybe she didn't want to? She shook her head. "What kind of things?" her heart beat hard against her chest. She had heard those men talking about demons and the king of hell. Was that what Sam hunted?

"I hunt monsters, ghosts and demons. I've been doing it my entire life," Sam replied. She looked at him with a shocked expression.

"Monsters? Like vampires and werewolves?" she asked, trying hard to keep her voice steady. Every fiber of her being wanted to believe this was a lie. She wanted to deny what he was saying, and chalk all this up to being a nightmare, but somehow she knew Sam was not lying.

"Those, and more," Sam replied. She might as well know there was more than that out there. He could see that she was holding back tears and it pissed him off. Once he got out of here, he was going to kill the demons who did this.

"Julianne…" Sam started to say.

"Are we going to die?" she asked, cutting him off. "We're not, right? You've done this before?"

Sam had to swallow. "I promise I will do everything I can to save you. Then you can walk away and never look back. I never should have gotten you into this."

She nodded and bit her bottom lip. He could see her take a deep breath. "So, what kidnapped us?"

"I think, demons. I'm not sure why, though," Sam replied.

"Do they have to have a reason?" she asked. She had to keep talking, otherwise she might panic.

"Most do. Most aren't mindless. Though that doesn't mean they're not stupid." Sam looked around the room as he spoke. They looked like they were in a building of some sort. He was cuffed with his hands behind him, just like Julianne.

"I heard them talking. Before they left. One of them said something about the king of hell. Do they mean Satan?" She waited for him to look at her again. "Is he real too?"

Sam let out a sigh. "Yes, but we don't have to worry about him. He is in a cage. The king of hell's name is Crowley, but this isn't his style. I doubt he has anything to do with this."

"Oh," she said, looking down at her lap. So there was Satan and a king of hell? Her brow pulled together. "Does that mean that God truly exists?"

The hope in her voice pained him a little. It reminded him of himself a few years back, when he had hope in god and angels. "Yes, but he is absent. No one has seen him in too many years."

She nodded, taking it in. "And angels? What of them?"

"Most are douchebags to be honest. I've known better demons." Sam wished he hadn't said that, as he watched all the hope leave her face. "Not all though. I've known good angels. Castiel is a great guy." He wasn't going to mention that Cas wouldn't be able to help them because he was stuck in heaven.

They were silent for a while, and he watched her look around the room. "I think if I try hard enough I could get out of these cuffs."

He looked at her. He was sure hers were as tight as his, and if that were the case there was no way she would get out of them, but he didn't say so. "I don't suppose you have a bobby pin in your hair?"

"Even if I did, I wouldn't be able to get to it," she replied. She looked at him and tried to give him a smile. "Well, I always said I wanted adventure."

Sam let out a humorless laugh. "Yeah, well, you found it."

"You said your brother is a hunter. Will he look for us?" She had heard a lot about Dean, but never met him. She hoped he was as good as Sam made him out to be.

Sam leaned his head against the pole. What if this was a way to get to Dean? What if they were nothing but leverage? Shit. "I wouldn't get my hopes up. How would he know to look for us?"

"Because we're going to give him a call." A demon stepped from the shadows. He looked over at Julianne, letting his eyes flicker black before going normal again. He got satisfaction out of the small gasp that escape her lips.

"He won't fall for it," Sam said, sounding a lot more confident than he felt. He knew that Dean would come. It was who he was.

"We will just have to see about that. Won't we?" the demon replied with a smirk. "After all, we all know big bro will always come to the rescue."

"What do you want with him?" Sam asked, feeling pissed off. Did they know how bad the mark was affecting him?

"Oh, come now, Sammy. You know what we are after." The demon laughed. "Crowley may be too much of a coward to contain him, but me and mine are not."

"You plan to turn him again, don't you?" Fear ran down Sam's spine. How could he get so close to the cure, just for this to happen? "You won't be able to kill him. He is too strong. The Mark of Cain is too much for you to handle." Sam could see Julianne looking at him with wide eyes out of the corner of his eye. She seemed to have put it together.

"Not me alone, no. However, I have ten demons on my side and when he gets here, he'll be blindsided." The demon walked up to Sam. "Now, let's give big bro a call, shall we?"

* * *

Cas paced in panic. This was bad, very bad. If they managed to kill Dean… He shook his head. No. He had to stop this. He had to help Sam and Julianne. He could hear her praying to anyone who was listening, and he knew no one would help. He closed his eyes, wanting to scream out in frustration. If he left here, if he opened heaven so he could leave, he would be unwelcome. Hannah would never forgive him. The thought of Dean being a demon again pained him. "I can't do it again, Cas. I can't be that thing again." Dean's pain and fear-filled words ran through his head. He had promised that if Dean ever turned into a demon again he would end him. Fear built in the pit of Cas' stomach. He couldn't kill Dean, and he didn't want to break his promise either. With a heavy heart, Cas knew he had to choose, and he already knew who that would be. In the end, it would always be Dean.


	15. Cas' Return

**Disclaimer! I do not own Supernatural or its characters. All credit go to the wonderful creators** **of Supernatural and its actors.**

 

 

The ringing of the cell woke Dean with a start. It was only nine at night, but after his workout and shower he felt tired enough to sleep. Cursing, he got out of his bed and looked at the phone. It was Sam, so he hit the end button letting it go to voice mail like he always did.

He sat there a moment, looking around at the dark room. He hated this little house he had been stuck in for months. He missed his room in the bunker. He missed Sammy, and he missed Cas. He rubbed his hand over his face. Hell, he missed the way life was back when he and Sammy were looking for their father. If someone back then told him he would miss it; that one day he would wish for those times, he would have thought them nuts, yet here he was, wishing for those days. With a sigh he shook the thoughts from his head.

Dean grumbled, as he made his way to the bathroom, stretching out his sore muscles as he went. He had overdone it, again, and now his body was paying for it. However, he liked the pain. It reminded him that he was still human, and that was somehow a small comfort.

The phone rang out again. "What the hell," Dean said, out loud. He was feeling annoyed at this, though he knew he shouldn't be. By the time he got to his phone it had finished ringing, and this was an unknown collar. "Hmm," he said, as he realized Sammy didn't leave a voice message.

With a sigh he sat on the bed. Was something wrong? Dean shook his head. Sam may have just butt dialed him. It had happened before. Dean rubbed his face in his hands before lying back on his bed, stretching his arms out over his head.

Cas was once again a no show, but at least his sleep was dreamless. He preferred those over the constant nightmares. He couldn't count how many time he had turned into a demon and killed everyone he loved, and all the innocent people who would get in the way.

The phone rang again, and this time Dean's eyes narrowed. He reached for the phone, and saw that it was Sam. He took a deep breath before answering it. Somehow he knew it wasn't going to be his brother on the other line, and fear filled his chest. "Hello?" Dean answered, keeping his tone steady.

"Well, hello Dean," an unknown voice replied. "I think I've got something that belongs to you."

Dean's jaw clenched, as anger took place of the fear. "Where's my brother?" Dean said, his voice chillingly calm.

"Oh, he's here. As well as his girlfriend, and if you want them back you have to come get them," the man replied, his tone taunting.

"I swear to god, if you hurt him!" Dean threatened. He was trying really hard to stay in control. He could feel his body shaking. He closed his eyes, keeping Sam's face there. He had to stay in control for Sam.

"I don't want to hurt him Dean. As long as you come and save him," the man sneered.

"Don't do it, Dean! It's a trap!" Dean heard Sam call out in the background. There was a shuffling sound, then he could hear Sam shouting. "Don't you touch her! Leave her alone; she is innocent!" Sam screamed with anger after there was a female scream. Dean could hear the sound of metal on metal. Sam was trying to break free.

"Now, where was I?" the man said into the phone.

"You're dead," Dean growled, the anger getting close to his breaking point. "Were are you?" he asked, trying hard to keep it together. The man gave him the address and hung up.

Dean shook with anger as he gathered his things. He had a long trip to Ohio, and if anything happened to Sam…Dean shook his head. He needed to calm down, or he would never make it there. It only took him a minute to figure out what Sam was doing in Ohio. It was that girl he had met there.

He got into his car and sat there for a few minutes, taking deep breaths to calm himself. He had to get through this. He had to save Sam and the girl. What was her name again? Sam had mentioned her a few times in the messages he left. Julianne? Yeah, he was sure that was it. With one last calming breath he started the car and slowly pulled out of the driveway. He needed to somehow do this without losing it, and he wasn't sure he could.

* * *

Julianne winced as she shifted her body to get into a more comfortable position. Her right arm was burning, and her ribs hurt worse than she had ever hurt before. She winced every time she moved her mouth because of the split on her bottom lip. Her eyes were closed as she wondered how long she had slept.

She doubted it was very long. Her mind was swimming with this new reality that just seemed too impossible to believe, and if she weren't living it she might not have believed it at all. Demons were real. Monsters, vampires, werewolves, and supposedly more, were real. Oh, and don't forget about the absent god and the douchebag angels, and if that weren't enough, not only was Satan real, so was something called the King of Hell. She supposed he was a demon as well, but she also knew he must be important to have that title.

She took a deep breath as panic threated to overtake her. She needed to stay calm and strong. Panicking wouldn't help anything. Besides, they were going to get out of this. Sure, things seemed impossible now, but for some reason she truly believed Sam wouldn't let anything horrible happen to her. Which she supposed didn't make much sense. After all, that one demon beat her up pretty badly. Still, she felt safer with him here. She felt like nothing could truly hurt her with him here.

She also felt like she should be mad at him, hate him for putting her in this kind of danger. If he had stayed away this wouldn't be happening, but the truth was.… Well, the truth was she loved him. He was like no other man she had met before. He was kind, caring and smart. He was confident, but not in that cocky annoying way. He didn't have that need to show off the way most men do. He had that sexy, mysterious thing going on, but not in a way that made her feel uncomfortable. He had a way of making her feel like she was the only person in the world, even when they were in a room full of people. She loved that even when the pretty waitresses flirted with him, he still paid all his attention to her. She had even wondered if he didn't realize they were flirting with him. Which was ridiculous. He had to know how gorgeous he is.

She open her eyes and looked over at Sam, who was watching her, his beautiful eyes filled with sorrow. What if he didn't know? What if he didn't realize what an amazing person he really is? She had gotten that feeling in the past, but she didn't think on it too much. She figured she would have time to know him. She figured that, given enough time, he would open up to her and share the secrets she knew he was keeping. Not just from her, but the world.

A whole new fear flooded her, and her heart pounded frantically. What if she didn't have that time to get to know him? Even if they made it out of this alive, she was sure he was going to stay as far away from her as possible. She nearly cried as she thought of it. She tried to imagine life without him, and it seemed impossible. Sure, they only saw each other once or twice a month, but he had become part of her routine. Texting him and talking with him before bed had become part of her.

There were things she would miss. Waiting excitedly for him to show up, after getting the text he was on his way. The way he seemed to look around her place, like something might attack. The way he tucked her hair behind her ear. The feel of her hand in his, and him randomly kissing her knuckles. She would miss the things she never gave much thought to before. The way he would open the car door for her. Him making coffee before waking her. Him making sure all the doors were locked before going to bed. Him brushing a soft kiss on her forehead. That half smile he gave her for no reason at all.

She looked away from Sam as a tear escaped her eye and slid down her bruised cheek. She wanted to say she was strong enough not to need a man in her life, but it wasn't about needing a man. It was about needing Sam. It wasn't about how strong her independence was. It was about her heart, and he stole it the moment he walked into her office a year ago, asking about some silly old book.

Was he on a hunt then? Was that what had brought him into her life? All those times he had to leave suddenly, without explanation, were they hunts as well? She had always assumed it had to do with his job. Well, at least she wasn't completely off. After all, this was his job, wasn't it? It's not what she imagined him doing, but he never truly lied to her either. He had told her he was kind of like a detective. He helped those in need. He just kept out the monster part of it. She didn't blame him for that. If he had told her that part, she probably would think him cuckoo and stayed clear of him.

"What are you thinking about?" Sam asked, his voice so low she barely heard him.

She looked over at him, thankful that she had been able to rid herself of the tears. "I was wondering what comes after this," she replied truthfully.

Sam looked at her with surprise. "I would be more worried about what's going to happen now," Sam said. He watched as she took a breath. He couldn't take his eyes off her. These could be their last hours, and he was desperate to get his fill of her.

"I am worried about now. But you asked what I was thinking about, and that was it." Julianne shrugged. She didn't know what else to say, so she just looked over at the single small window. It was starting to get light outside. They had been here for hours.

"When this is over, you don't have anything to worry about; I will leave and never look back," Sam told her, knowing this is what he should have done in the first place. He was reckless thinking he could have some kind of relationship with her. He had no idea what the hell he was thinking, and now her life was in danger. If anything happens to her he will never forgive himself. To make things worse, he never told her about this part of him. She should have been aware of the dangers of being with him, and he didn't give that to her. He just hoped that if she stayed in the dark she would stay safe. Stupid thinking on his part.

She looked over at him and was getting ready to argue when the door opened, and about ten demons filed in. She could see Sam tense and give them a nasty glare. She was glad she wasn't on the receiving end of it. The phrase, "If looks could kill," popped into her head. Yeah, she was sure that if looks could kill, they'd be dead.

"Your brother should be here soon. Now all we have to do is be ready," the same demon from earlier said. He seemed to be the leader.

"If he shows, he will kill all of you," Sam replied. He was sure of this. Dean was not going to be in his right mind when he got there, and he prayed he and Julianne would be okay by the time he was back to himself. He was more afraid of Dean hurting them than he was of these demons, and that fact pained him.

The demon laughed, sending chills down Julianne's spine. "There are ten of us and one of him. I think we can handle him," he said confidently.

The conversation ended there, and the demons started to plan out their attack. Julianne couldn't believe they didn't have this planned out sooner. What the hell kind of demons were these? She was also starting to think she was missing something. Sam was making Dean out to be some kind of super human. He seemed sure Dean could take on all of them. How was that possible? Were demons not as strong as she figured them to be?

She looked over at Sam, who was watching her again, his brow furrowed and his eyes full of guilt. She had a strong urge to sit in his lap and kiss his guilt and worry away. Today wasn't the first time she'd had this feeling. There had been many times Sam would be sitting in silence with his brow pulled together with worry or frustration. She would usually laugh as she went by him, using her thumbs to rub out the wrinkles on his forehead. "Where is your mind at?" she would ask. Usually he would give her a smile and kiss her gently, before changing the subject.

The roar of an engine cut through her thoughts, and she looked over at Sam, who looked both relieved and worried. His expression made her feel uneasy. There was definitely something she was missing here.

Was it the mark? She didn't really understand what Sam had meant by that, but it didn't sound good. She felt bad that she and Sam were bait for Dean. He was what they wanted, and they were planning on turning him into a demon. That must be why Sam looked so worried.

The engine cut off, and all the demons moved to their positions. Should they yell out, warn Dean that this was a trap? He must already know though. Right? The demon had made it clear on the phone, or at least in her mind, but she was on this side of things and knew what was truly going on.

She looked over at Sam, trying to use him to slow her racing heart, but the look on his face gave her little comfort. She wished she could talk to him. She wished she could ask him if they should warn Dean.

* * *

Dean's heart raced as he walked into the building. He shook with anticipation of the fight to come, and he knew he was going to lose control. The closer he got to the door on the other side of the room, the less in control he felt. He could feel the darkness pulsing through his veins, tainting and changing him. His vision became hazy, and he could hear his heart pounding in his head. He stopped a few feet from the door, trying in vain to calm himself.

He took the last few steps, feeling just a glimmer of hope of not losing it. All that drained away when he looked through the small window and saw Sam cuffed to a metal pole. The sight pissed him off, and the moment he saw that the girl was hurt he was lost to the darkness.

* * *

The door was flung off its hinges, and Julianne couldn't help the yelp that escaped her lips. She hadn't expected that. A man filled the door. He wasn't quite as tall as Sam, but his shoulders were just as broad. She looked up at his face, and her heart leaped into her throat. He had hard cold eyes, and a humorless smile that chilled her. He looked as if he was looking forward to this fight, and she didn't know what to make of that.

The demons leaped into action, and so did Dean. At first it looked like the demons were going to win. They ganged up on him, and she was sure their blades slashed into his skin, but Dean was quick, and before she knew it two demons were headless.

She watched in terrified awe as the man slaughtered the demons. He moved with ease, blocking, avoiding and stabbing. It was like this was all a choreographed dance they had all practiced a thousand times. She watched, her mouth slightly open in surprise, as a few demons disappeared into thin air as Dean made his way through them.

She looked over at the leader, who held a blank expression on his face. After the last fighter was down, Dean turned to him, and snarled at him, before making his attack. The leader seemed more skilled, and the fight lasted longer than the others, but it was only a matter of seconds before Dean killed him too, with the same ease has the others.

Julianne let out the breath she had been holding, and Dean looked at her with his cold eyes. She stood slowly as he seemed to stalk toward her. She had a feeling he was going to kill her too, and Sam must have thought so, because he started calling to his brother.

"Dean! Dean! Come on, man. Dean!" Sam struggled like hell to get out of his cuffs again. He couldn't stand the idea of Dean killing her.

She looked over at Sam as Dean approached her, and she felt like maybe now she understood. Cain was doomed to be evil forever, maybe Dean possessing the mark meant the same? She looked into Sam's fear-filled eyes as a hand gripped her around her neck.

She knew this was it, this was the end. She could hear Sam's pleading shouts ringing in her ears. The moment she closed her eyes, she felt the grip loosen, and then there was a crashing sound. She looked and saw Dean struggling with a dark-haired man she had never seen before, and she had no idea where he'd came from. Again she looked over at Sam, and was surprised to see relief and a small, shocked smile on his lips.

Dean struggled with Cas, who was meeting his strength with no problem. He knew deep down that Cas was stopping him from making a big mistake, but he couldn't seem to channel that person. His rage worsened, and he fought with Cas, using as much strength as it would take to get past him.

"Dean!" Cas shouted with authority. He needed to get through to him. He needed to get Dean to calm down, and come to his senses. "Dean, I'm here. I'm really truly here." Still Dean fought him. He left Cas with no choice; he struck Dean with enough force to knock him out. Cas held Dean as he lost consciousness, then carefully laid him out on the floor.

Cas looked over at Sam and gave him his famous shy smile. "Hello, Sam," Cas said, as he went over to Julianne and broke off her cuffs. He did the same to Sam's, and when Sam was free he embraced Cas for a quick moment, before going to Julianne. He pulled her close and just held her. He couldn't be more thrilled that she hugged him back.

"I don't understand," Sam said to Cas, over Julianne's head. "This isn't a dream, right?"

"No, this isn't a dream. I had a choice to make," Cas said, looking over to Dean. "And I made it."

Julianne pulled away from Sam and looked at Cas. "Who are you?" she asked.

"I'm Castiel. It's nice to finally meet you," Cas said to her with a warm smile. "You can call me Cas."

"Wait, Cas the angel?" she asked, looking at Sam. He nodded at her, and she looked back at Cas in awe. "Oh my god! I mean, I'm sorry. I guess that's not the right thing to say." She struggled to find the right words. She was talking to an angel. A real freaking angel. "I'm…It's a pleasure to meet you." She reached out her hand and was delighted when he took it.

She felt a quick warmth run through her body, then suddenly she didn't hurt any more. He smiled at her, like he knew she was shocked with the sudden relief. "Thank you," she said softly.

"Of course," Cas replied with a smile. It was so good to be back here. To have contact with humans and Sam. To be so close to Dean. This is where he belonged.

"When he comes around, do you think he will be Dean?" Sam asked.

"Speaking of that. I thought he was a good guy," Julianne said. "And how the hell did he take on so many demons? Does it have something to do with the mark?" Julianne asked. She wanted to make sure she understood what was going on.

"It's a long story, but yeah, Dean has the Mark of Cain. It makes him lose control when he is angry, and he is always edgy," Cas answered her. "It's getting worse. I don't know what to do about it. He's going to be lost in the darkness before too long." Cas' worry was clear in his voice.

"How did he get the mark? Was he born with it?" Julianne asked, curiously.

"That's another really long story," Sam replied, hoping she would understand. He looked over at Cas. "I've," Sam started to say, then looked over at Julianne. "Well, actually, she has come up with an idea of a way to get rid of the mark."

Cas eyed him with curiosity, as hope flooded through him. He watched as Julianne looked up at Sam. "I did?" she asked.

"Yeah, the story the priest told you." Sam took her hand and gave it a light squeeze.

"Right," she said, shaking her head at herself. Duh.

"What is it?" Cas asked. He looked over his shoulder to Dean. He really hoped it was the answer, whatever it was.

"Well…It's angel grace," Sam said, hesitantly. "Angel grace may be able to heal Dean."

"So we have to steal another angel's grace?" Cas said with a frown. He looked at Dean again, and he knew he would do it. It was scary what he was willing to do for Dean. Even things he really hated doing.

"Actually, the angel has to willingly give it to him," Julianne said.

"Then I am willing," Cas said, looking at Dean again. If this was the answer, he was willing. Living forever as an angel meant little to him if Dean was lost.

"You would be willing to give up your grace for a human?" Julianne asked, awed by his willingness to give up the very thing that made him an angel.

"For Dean? I'm willing to do anything."

Sam looked at Cas as he remembered what had happened down in the lady's maze. Cas had kissed Dean, and not just any kiss. One that made him feel like he was invading their privacy. He knew then that Cas was in love with Dean, so this really didn't surprise him.

Julianne looked at Cas, then around him to Dean. Were they a couple? Sam had made Dean out to be a ladies man, but she could swear Cas talked about Dean like a lover would. It could be a one-sided affair, and that saddened her.

"Cas, if you give him your grace, won't you get sick? We almost lost you before," Sam said. He wasn't sure he was willing to let Cas give up his life for Dean. It didn't seem fair.

"It was the stolen grace that was making me sick. When you steal another angel's grace it gives you strength for a while, but then it makes you sick, and eventually you die. Giving up your own grace is different. You never know exactly what will happen. You could die from it. You could become human. There are a few cases where you revert back to infancy like Anna. Truth is, there is no telling what will happen." Cas sighed. "Either way, I'm willing."

"How do you remove your grace and give it to someone else?" Julianne asked.

"We have that device," Sam said, looking at Cas. "Do you think that will work?" He hated that he was actually willing to let Cas die for Dean, but it was the truth and he would have to find a way to live with it.

"I certainly think it's our best chance," Cas replied.

* * *

"Cas?" Dean asked, as he slowly sat up. He rubbed at his aching head and looked around. He could barely remember coming in here. "Am I dreaming?"

Cas went to Dean, kneeling down next to him. "No Dean, I am truly here," Cas replied. He wanted to take Dean into his arms. To hold him close and tell him they had found a way to cure him, but he knew Dean wouldn't like to show affection in front of Sam.

Dean looked into Cas' ocean blue eyes, and couldn't fight the urge. He grabbed onto Cas, pulling him close, and buried his face into Cas' neck. The hug lasted only a moment before Dean pulled away. He didn't want to. He wanted to hold onto Cas all night, but Sam was present.

"Hi ya, Sammy," Dean said as he stood. He crossed the room quickly, pulling his little brother into a hug. "It's been too damn long," he said to Sam. They hugged for a long moment, before pulling away and smiling at each other.

Julianne watched as the guys embraced. There was so much love there it filled her with warmth. She could tell there was much between them. A lot she may never get to know. Dean looked over at her, and this time his green eyes were warm and soft. The smile on his lips was friendly. He was as handsome as his brother.

"You must be Julianne," Dean said pleasantly. At the moment he felt surprisingly calm, but he was afraid for when it passed.

"And you must be Dean," She replied, taking Dean's outstretched hand. She gave him a smile, and he returned it with one of his own.

"Hey, uh, I'm sorry about earlier. I don't really want to kill you," he said, feeling awkward.

She waved a hand at him in dismissal. "It's okay. They've already explained to me what is going on. I can't blame you."

"We really shouldn't stay here," Sam said. He wanted to get Julianne to safety. "I need to take Julie home, then I will meet with you two back at the bunker."

"I'm not going to the bunker. Nothing has changed, Sam," Dean said, hating that his heart was beginning to race.

"Dean, we think we have a cure. Everything has changed," Sam placed a hand on Dean's shoulder. "I told you I would find one Dean."

"What is it!" Dean asked excitedly, the smile that spread across his face felt odd and out of place. Now his heart was racing for a whole different reason. Could this truly be over?

"It's angel grace," Sam replied, not being able to help the smile on his face. He hadn't seen Dean's smile in so long.

"How are we going to steal angel grace? I thought all angels were locked up in heaven?" Dean asked. It seemed so obvious now. Using good to take away the bad.

"We aren't. The grace has to be willingly given," Sam said. He went to Julianne, taking her hand in his.

"No angel is going to willingly give up their grace for me. Most of them hate us," Dean replied. He watched Sam's eyes flicker to Cas, and his heart plummeted. He looked over at Cas, and saw the resolve on his face. He shook his head as his heart felt like it was going to leap out of his chest.

"No," he said, using his authoritative tone, and it cracked slightly. He wasn't going to let Cas do that.

"Dean…" Cas started to say.

"No, this isn't up for discussion. Next cure please." Dean couldn't believe Cas thought he would go for this.

"Dean, this is the only way we have come up with," Sam said in a pleading tone. He didn't like it either, but it was the only way.

"Then we will come up with another way!" Dean shouted. "I'm not going to sacrifice Cas. It's not happening."

"There is no guarantee that I will die, Dean. I could become human," Cas said, trying to reason with him. Dean looked at him with worry and fear.

"But there is no guarantee that you will survive either. I can't take that risk Cas. I won't," Dean said, his tone was a mixture of authority and pleading. Cas had to understand that he couldn't lose him.

"I'm the one whose life we are risking, Dean. This is my choice!" Cas said, hating that Dean was fighting him so hard. "It's not your life lost."

"No," Dean moved to stand in front of Cas, and found it crazy that he had to fight the urge to put his hands on Cas' face. "I can't risk losing you, Cas." he said softly.

Sam's brow pulled together as he watched Dean. Once again he felt like he was invading their privacy by being there, and he was a bit thrown off at Dean's actions. "Okay, look. We really need to get out of here. Dean, please go back to the bunker with Cas. I need to get Julianne home, then I will meet you there. Let's at least talk this through."

"No," Dean snapped.

"Dean!" Cas said, in the same tone. He got into Dean's face. "This WILL happen whether you like it or not! It's my damn grace, and my damn life!" Cas eyed him down.

"Get out of my face, Cas," Dean bit out. His body was starting to shake, and his blood was already boiling. He was going to lose it.

Cas didn't move. He was going to make Dean understand that this was the only option they have. "We are going to do this."

That was it. That was enough to push him over the edge. The dark pulsed through him once again as he lost control. He pulled back his fist and punched Cas in the jaw. The blow hurt Dean's hand more than Cas, but he didn't care. He attacked Cas, pulling out his blade as he did so.

Julianne gasped as Dean attacked Cas. She looked up at Sam as he pulled her to his side and took a few steps back. A crashing sound had her looking back to them, then right before her eyes, they were gone.

 

**I hope you have all enjoyed the chapter. Reviews and Comments are appreciated. Thanks :D**


	16. Loving You

**Disclaimer! I do not own Supernatural or its characters. All credit go to the wonderful creators** **of Supernatural and its actors.**

"Dean!" Cas said, holding a struggling Dean in his arms. Dean fought him hard, but he was no match for Cas' strength. "Dean," Cas said again, softer now since he was started to calm down. Once he stopped struggling, Cas loosened his grip just a little. Soon Dean's heart rate normalized, and he stopped shaking.

Dean looked around his old room. He had to admit it was good to be back at the bunker, but he was still so pissed he could hardly stay himself. He pushed from Cas' embrace, and took a few steps away. He couldn't get himself to look at Cas. He had to take deep breaths to keep himself from going over the edge again.

"Dean…"

"Don't," Dean replied in a low tone. He closed his eyes and shook his head. Didn't Cas see? Did he not understand? "You of all people Cas," Dean added, pausing to calm himself. He hated that his voice was unsteady. "You should understand. You should freaking get it. I've opened up to you in ways that I never…You should understand!" He looked at Cas now. Cas looked back at him with sad eyes.

"I get it Dean," Cas replied. He did get it. These past months Dean had slowly begun to open up to him. Dean allowed himself to be vulnerable. He had kissed him passionately, tenderly, urgently. The things they had shared would forever be in his heart. They would forever be a part of him. "You have to let me save you, Dean. You have to understand that I can't let you become a demon again. I can't let you be a monster."

"And what then? I'm supposed to just go on? Pretend like these past months meant nothing to me? News flash, Cas! I can't! Do you think any of this has been easy on me? I've struggled with my feelings for you. I've fought against them. I've struggled to come to terms with them, and now you want me to let you go? To let you give up your life for me?" Dean took a calming breath as his heart began to race. Luckily, it was racing out of fear and not anger. He couldn't lose Cas. He just couldn't. He needed Cas. He needed him like he needed the air. Cas was essential to his life.

"I won't let you die for me, Cas. I won't let you." Dean watched Cas. He looked sad and pissed.

"And you can't stop me," Cas replied. "I will do it whether you like it or not."

Fear flooded Dean. "I won't take it Cas. I won't take your grace."

"Then I shell die in vain," Cas said, with a shrug. He wasn't going to back down on this. Dean was worth saving, and he was going to do his part.

"God damn it, Cas! I'm not worth your life!" Dean slammed his hand down on his dresser out of frustration. "I'm not worth your grace."

Cas stood there for a moment, more shocked than he knew he should be. He was well aware of Dean's messed up self-image. He crossed the room to Dean, taking his face in his hands. He moved his head to the side, capturing Dean's eyes with his own. "You are worth everything to me, Dean. Everything. You are far more worthy than you think."

Dean's heart pounded as he looked into Cas' ocean blue eyes. Eyes that he was sure he could easily get lost in. Dean took a deep breath in. "Cas…"

Cas put his lips to Dean's, kissing him sweetly, softly. He sighed into Dean when he felt his hands on his back, pulling him in closer. He wrapped his arms around Dean's neck, deepening the kiss. The emotions that ran through him made him feel lightheaded. It was like electricity was pulsing through his body. Kissing Dean. Really kissing Dean, was the best feeling in the world.

Dean pulled away slightly, resting his head on Cas'. He was surprised at the emotion that ran through him, but he supposed it was something he would have to get used to. Everything with Cas was new. It was like he was falling in love for the first time. "What are you doing to me?" Dean whispered.

Cas moved to look up into Dean's eyes. The emotion in them took Cas' breath away. He couldn't believe Dean was looking at him with that much love. Cas leaned up, placing a kiss on Dean's neck, and loved that Dean shuddered. He kissed Dean's neck again, loving the feeling of Dean's skin on his lips.

Dean leaned his head to the side, allowing Cas better access to his neck. The sensations that ran through him as Cas kissed him hit him hard. He shuddered under Cas' touch, feeling things he wasn't sure he was ever going to feel again. "Cas," he said breathlessly, when Cas placed his hand on Dean's chest.

He allowed Cas to kiss his neck for a few more moments before pulling away. He needed a moment, because he knew where he wanted this to go, and that freaked him out a little. "We aren't done with this discussion," he said, receiving a "duh" look from Cas. The expression made Dean smile. "I need a shower," he added, walking to the bathroom. He needed a cold shower for that matter. Cas had gotten him all hot and bothered kissing him like that.

He liked it though. He liked the feel of Cas' soft lips at his throat. He liked the feel of Cas pressed against him. He liked the feelings that Cas gave him. He got goose bumps as he thought of Cas kissing him, and he grew even harder. With a curse, he got into the shower and decided he better take care of himself. He and Cas had shit to figure out, and he didn't need this clouding his mind.

* * *

Cas removed his coat as Dean showered, placing it on the dresser. He sucked his bottom lip into his mouth as he thought of his lips on Dean's neck. He knew they had more important things to worry about, but he couldn't help these thoughts when it came to Dean. It had been months since they had been together, and all he wanted to do was hold Dean close. All he wanted to do was kiss Dean the way lovers do.

Cas sat on the bed, watching the bathroom door. What did it look like? Dean showering? Cas shook his head as he grew hard. He looked down at his hands, lost in thought. He often wondered what Dean looked like naked. He knew what most of Dean looked like. He had seen more than he ever thought he would get to see, and he was marvelous. All that tan skin, covering hard muscle. His body was that of a warrior's, scars and all.

Cas looked up at the sound of the door opening. Dean stood there with a towel wrapped low around his hips. Cas had to swallow. The sight was truly amazing, and for a moment Cas wondered if Dean would ever cease to amaze him. His hardness pulsed, and he knew what he wanted. What he needed. He knew they wouldn't go all the way, but he needed to be as close to Dean as Dean would allow.

He stood, crossing the room to Dean, and taking his hand. Cas looked up into Dean's green eyes before leading him over to the bed. He could tell Dean was hesitant, but was thrilled when Dean laid on the bed. Cas looked at him for a moment, before lying next to him.

Cas moved so he could take Dean's lips with his own again. This kiss sent shivers of pleasure down his spine. He placed his hand on Dean's bare chest, feeling Dean's racing heart under his palm. Cas pulled back so he could take Dean in. The man was stunning. He truly was. He looked back up into Dean's beautiful green eyes. "I love you, Dean," he said, already knowing that Dean wouldn't be able to say it back. It didn't hurt him in any way. It was just a part of who Dean was.

Cas let his hand slide down lower on Dean's stomach and smiled when Dean inhaled sharply. He waited for Dean to move. For him to object, but Dean did neither. He just looked at Cas with shy, waiting eyes. The look hit Cas like a ton of bricks, and his own heart leaped. He wasn't sure how far Dean would let this go, but the fact he would let it get sexual at all was amazing.

Cas' hand shook ever so slightly as he traced his hand even farther down Dean stomach to the edge of his towel. Cas looked back up at Dean, who was biting his bottom lip. Cas grabbed the towel where the corner was tucked in, and pulled on it. He looked down as Dean's hardness landed proudly on his belly.

...

Dean couldn't believe he was letting this happen. More, he couldn't believe he wanted this to happen. He had been thinking about this happening for months, and as he watched Cas look at him, he knew he wanted this. Even if he was nervous as hell and wasn't sure how far it would go. He wasn't sure he was ready to go all the way.

He could feel Cas' hand shake slightly has he moved his hand down even lower until his fingers brushed Dean's hardness. The moan that escaped Dean's throat surprised them both. Cas looked back to his face as his hand wrapped around Dean and gave it a stroke.

...

Cas watched Dean as he stroked him. He was surprised at how soft the skin here was. He liked the feel of Dean in his hand, and he loved the way Dean's mouth opened slightly as he stroked him. It was a beautiful sight that made him even harder then he already was. He was surprised at the rush of feelings the flooded through him, but he liked them. They were right in every single way.

...

Dean closed his eyes as the sensations filled him. He bit his lip as Cas worked him. He felt his hips moving, meeting Cas' pace, then faster and faster as he reached climax. He wasn't sure if he should go, so when he got close he stopped moving, only for Cas to move his hand quicker. Dean's eyes opened, and it was one of the most erotic things to see Cas looking down at him with lustful eyes. Dean felt himself pulse, warning him that he was getting even closer. "Cas, I," Dean tried saying, but the words were lost in a moan as he came.

* * *

Julianne looked at her apartment building as Sam parked in front of it. It seemed different then it was the last time she'd seen it. Like now somehow it was a stranger to her. One she wanted nothing to do with. She stayed in her seat as the engine was shut off, and she could hear Sam get out of the car.

She fought back the tears as he went around the car, opening the door she had yet to open. She got out of the car and walked up to her door without looking at him. She wasn't sure she could handle looking at him. She supposed he would see her actions as her being angry with him, but she was trying not to crumble to pieces. She was trying to respect his decision. Even if she didn't like it. At all.

She walked into her home and was glad when Sam closed the door behind him. She was worried that he wouldn't even walk her all the way in. She stood in the space between her living and dining rooms feeling more lost than she's ever felt. This place somehow didn't feel like home any longer. It was like she was in someone else's home. She looked at her flower printed sofa, because she didn't know what else to look at.

"I'm so sorry for all of this, Julie. This never should have happened," Sam whispered. It was all that was needed in the silence of the apartment. He wanted to take her in his arms and hold her close, but if he did, he wasn't sure he would be able to let her go.

She faced him now, and the look on his face broke her heart. He was so pained by all of this. She hadn't even stopped to think about what this could be doing to him. How selfish that was of her! She reached up, placing her hand on his cheek. Tears fell from his eyes, and the next thing she knew, he was holding her to him. He buried his face in her hair. "I'm so sorry," he said again.

Sam held onto her, and again he was not sure how he was ever going to let her go. He had done his best not to get too attached, but he was fooling himself. He had been attached for months. That was the reason he couldn't let her go, and now she paid the price for having him in her life. She had been hurt, and that was his fault. He couldn't stand it. With this thought in mind, he loosened his grip. He pulled away fully after a moment, not looking at her. That would only make leaving harder.

"I have to go," Sam said, his heart breaking as he did so. He turned for the door.

Julianne felt like she couldn't breathe as he went to the door. She couldn't do this. She didn't want to. "Wait!" she said. He looked over at her with sad eyes. "I don't want you to leave, Sam. Please don't leave."

Sam's heart pounded in his chest. He so badly wanted to tell her he would stay, but he couldn't. He couldn't risk her like that. Not again. "I can't Julie. It's not safe for you."

"I don't care, Sam," Julianne pleaded. She had to get him to stay. She just had too. "I don't want to be without you."

Sam had to hold back his tears as he spoke. "No, I will not stay." He turned away from her because he couldn't walk away if he was looking at her. He had meant to walk out of the door, but his legs refused to move.

"It's not all about what you want!" Julianne shouted, as frustration built. "I should have a say in this matter!"

"I'm bad luck, Julianne!" Sam said, facing her again. "Being with me is like having a death wish." He shook his head. "I will not let you make the choice to be with me."

"It should be my choice, Sam. I should be allowed to make it on my own. I'm an adult, too, you know." She hated that she sounded like a child, but she was desperate.

Sam let out a frustrated sigh. "The people I love end up dead," he said, pleading. He was losing his resolve to walk out of there.

She went to him, and leaning on her tip toes she placed a kiss on his lips. "I love you, Sam. I don't want to be without you."

Sam closed his eyes and damn him, he leaned down and took her lips with his own. The kiss started out soft, but soon it got frantic as he let in all his fear from the past day. He was afraid of losing her. Afraid he would survive while someone he loved died, again. He kissed her, holding her so close he was surprised she didn't need to pull away to breath.

"Please don't leave me behind," she said as they pulled apart. "I know it's crazy and that I should be running away from all of this, but that means running away from you, and I don't want to do that."

Sam let out a defeated sigh as he closed his eyes. "Do you have any idea how hard you are making it for me to walk out that door?" Sam cursed himself.

"Take me with you. I want to go with you," She said. She hadn't meant to. She hadn't planned on leaving here, but the moment she said it, she knew she wanted it. If he couldn't stay here, then she would go with him.

He looked at her with surprise. "You would do that? Leave your family to be with me?" Why would she want to do that?

"Sam, I'm crazy about you. It's not like I could never see them again." She shrugged. "Like I said, I love you, and I want to be with you."

"You could end up dead," Sam said, pulling away from her. He pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. "How can I risk your life like that?"

"It's my life, isn't it? It's my choice," she replied, taking his free hand in hers.

"The bunker isn't very lady friendly. Only my brother and I live there," Sam said, losing his resolve to leave her. How could he if she was so willing to go?

She smiled widely. "That's okay," she said. Did this mean he would take her with him?

Sam smiled, feeling relieved. Could this work? Could he really have her in his life? There was still fear in his stomach, but he chose to ignore it. If this was what she really wanted, then he would let it happen. Even if it made him selfish. "You've only seen such a small part of this. There is a whole lot more crazy and dangerous in this world. Once you're in it, you might not be able to ever leave it behind."

Julianne looked into his eyes and knew he wasn't kidding. Again she felt like she should be running away, but she couldn't, wouldn't. "My future is with you Sam. I want to be with you."

Sam pulled her into another hug, kissing her forehead. "I love you, Julianne. I really, truly do."

"I love you, too," She replied, holding him close. "So much."

* * *

"Dean?" Cas asked, as Dean got out of the bed. Dean had slept for most of the day, but Cas wished he would sleep longer.

"Yeah?" Dean replied as he pulled on a pair of pants. He looked at Cas, his heart swelling with love. Cas was here. He was truly and really here. He thought about earlier and his stomach got butterflies. What had happened was great, and he prayed he could take it even further. The idea of pleasuring Cas was as erotic as Cas pleasuring him. They way Cas looked at him during it would never fade from his mind.

"Where are you going?" Cas asked. He was afraid Dean was going to take off.

"Just to work out. I'm feeling edgy, and the workout helps." Dean walked over to the bed and leaned down. He hesitated a moment before kissing Cas sweetly on the lips. "I'll find you later."

The kiss was a quick one, but it made Cas' heart flutter. "Yeah okay," he replied as Dean went to the bedroom door and opened it.

"Hey, if Sam gets home while I'm still in there, let me know." Dean gave Cas a wink before leaving, closing the door behind him.

* * *

"This place is huge," Julianne said as she looked around the bunker. Sam had told her all about the Men Of Letters on the way here, and she found it fascinating. There was so much to learn about this life, and she couldn't wait to get started.

Sam led her to his room, and put her bags on his bed. "It's not much," Sam said, giving her a smile. "There're bigger rooms we can move into, but this is it for the moment."

She smiled back at him. She didn't care if they lived in a closet, as long as they were together, she didn't care. "This is just fine."

Sam went to his closet and pushed his clothes aside. "Why don't you start to unpack? I need to talk to Dean."

"Okay," she said, giving him a kiss. She opened her suitcase. "Oh, so I meant to ask," she said, before Sam walked out of the room. "Are Dean and Cas together? Not that I would mind if they are. I'm just curious."

If she had asked him this a week ago he would have laughed and said no. But after this morning? He wasn't truly sure himself. It was odd because he had never thought Dean would go for a guy. "I don't think so," he said, then left the room.

Sam found Cas in the study, and was glad to find him alone. "Hey, Cas," he said, taking a seat across from him.

"He won't change his mind, Sam. He's too stubborn." Cas sighed.

Sam laughed. "Yeah, I know that all too well. Maybe he is right. Maybe we should find a different way." Sam hated the idea, but at least that way they wouldn't chance Cas' life.

Cas shook his head. "Giving him my grace is the best way to help him. To save him. I need him to be saved. I need…" Cas took a deep breath. He needed more time with him. He needed more moments like earlier. He felt sick of the idea that he could lose Dean forever. This was their best shot. This was the only way, and it was his choice. "This is my choice Sam, and if he can't see it, then he won't be a part of it."

Sam's brow furrowed. "You suggest we do this behind his back? You know that will just piss him off." Sam didn't like the idea, but knew it was the only way to go if they took this road. He hated that he was willing to let Cas risk his life, but there just wasn't much he wasn't willing to do for Dean.

"I know that," Cas replied. He knew that very well, but it didn't matter. Not if it saved Dean.

"So what? We are just going to send him on an errand? I think he might suspect something is up. Besides, he isn't comfortable with being out."

"We will do it while he sleeps. I will help him into a deep sleep, then we do it. Julianne can keep watch. Give use a few minute warning if he wakes up." Cas rubbed his hands together slowly. "I hate lying to him, but he leaves me no choice."

"How did you know Julianne was here?" Sam asked, not being able to help the smile on his face. He was flying high, knowing she was there, and there to stay.

Cas returned the smile. "I knew she would be. Did you really think you could say goodbye?"

"I hoped so," Sam replied. "I really thought I could."

"She makes you happy, Sam. You deserve that." Cas stood. "Get some sleep. If things go bad, you will need your strength tomorrow."

"You love him, don't you? The way I love her." Sam cocked his head slightly to the side. The love was all over Cas' face. That shy half-smile Cas always sported came to his face, and Sam was sure that Cas loved Dean.

"I do, Sam. I truly do." Cas waited a moment. He expected Sam to laugh. To say Dean would never be okay with that. Anything along those lines, but Sam just gave him a small smile.

"Tomorrow then?" Sam said. He stood and walked up to Cas. He hugged him for a moment. "Do me a favor? Try not to die."

Cas smiled at this, though it really wasn't funny. "Dying means leaving Dean. So I will do my best not to do so."

With that Cas was gone, leaving Sam alone to wonder if Dean returned Cas' feelings. It was strange to think of Dean being with a guy. Though looking back it would almost make sense. The two had been close for a long time, and he had sometime felt like the third wheel when they were alone. He would be a little surprised, sure, but he would still love Dean. It would not matter to him if Dean was with Cas.

Sam's head was full of thoughts as he headed back to his room. Back to Julianne. If Dean was in love with Cas, then Cas better hope he survived, because if he didn't, Sam wasn't sure Dean could handle that loss.

"You okay?" Julianne asked him. He looked like he was going to be sick.

Sam went to her, pulling her to his chest. "He better survive this," was all Sam said, before kissing her passionately.

 

**I hope you have all enjoyed the chapter. Reviews and Comments are appreciated. Thanks :D**


	17. Forgive Me

**Disclaimer! I do not own Supernatural or its characters. All credit go to the wonderful creators** **of Supernatural and its actors.**

It was about three in the morning when Cas snuck into Dean's room, closing the door quietly behind him. "You look like a child who doesn't want to get caught sneaking food," Dean said, as he sat up in the bed. He motioned for Cas to join him.

Cas crossed the room slowly, sitting on the edge of the bed. "I figured you didn't want Sam to know about us," Cas said, with a small smile. He looked over his shoulder at Dean, who looked guilty.

Dean felt bad about it, but he couldn't deny it was the truth. "Not yet anyway." Dean frowned when Cas looked down and away from him. "I'm sorry, Cas. I'm just not ready for him to know." He wasn't sure if he would ever be ready. He was just now coming to terms with it himself.

Cas looked back at him, with one of his famous shy smiles. "I'm not worried about that, Dean. I know you well enough to know that this isn't easy on you."

Once again, Cas surprised Dean with how supportive he was. It was just another reason he had fallen for him. Dean moved so he was sitting next to Cas on the bed. He took Cas' hand in his own, looking down at them as he laced his fingers with Cas'. It was amazing how Cas' hand seemed to fit with his. He brushed his lips on Cas' knuckles. "I wish it wasn't so hard. I wish I could scream it out to the world that I've fallen in love with my best friend."

Cas looked over at him, wishing he knew what to say. Wished he could say what he wanted to say. This could be their last night. The last time they will be able to be together. Dean didn't know it, and Cas knew that keeping him out of the loop was the only way to save him, but that didn't mean he had to like It. Lying to Dean had always felt wrong.

"Can I stay here? While you sleep?" Cas asked. He wanted to stay with Dean for as long as he could. Even if Dean spent the time sleeping.

Dean smiled. "I would like it if you would," Dean replied. He moved again, so that Cas had some room to lie next to him. His smile grew bigger when Cas removed his coat and snuggled against him, throwing an arm over his chest. Dean kissed Cas' forehead and smiled because it seemed like he did it out of habit. He hoped their relationship could be like that one day. He hoped they had enough time to make things habit.

Cas closed his eyes as he felt Dean's lips on him. The kiss was soft and only lasted a moment, but it meant the world to him. He leaned up, only hesitating for a moment, before capturing Dean's lips with his own. He was, as always, delighted when Dean returned the kiss. The kisses were slow, long and loving. Cas couldn't ask for more.

He wasn't sure how long they laid there, just kissing, but it ended too soon in Cas' opinion. Dean yawned, as he leaned back into his pillow. "I can't believe it. For the second night in a row I feel like I can actually sleep."

"Then sleep," Cas said, lying so his head was rested on Dean's chest. The subtle thump of Dean's heart was comforting to Cas, and he imagined that if he could sleep, this would help sooth him to that state. Soon, Dean's breathing became slow and rhythmic, letting Cas know that he had fallen asleep.

Cas moved, careful not to wake Dean. He propped his head on his hand so he could see Dean's face. Would this truly be the last time? Would this be the last time he would have the pleasure of feeling Dean so close to him?

Fear flooded the pit of his stomach. He wasn't afraid of dying. To him, it was just something that happened. What he feared was being away from Dean. He feared not holding Dean in his arms. He feared not being able to ever hear Dean's laugh again. Most of all, he feared not being here to dry the tears Dean would shed for him.

He tried not to think of that outcome. He hoped that he would become human. This way he could live out the rest of his life with Dean. He could be happy as long as he was with Dean.

Cas closed his eyes. He had to say bye to Dean, even if it was only in a dream, and for the last time, Cas entered Dean's dream.

He found Dean standing in the middle of a deserted road. He seemed to be trying to figure out if he should go left or straight.

"Dean," Cas said, as he walked to Dean's side.

Dean looked over at him, with a surprised smile. "It looks like I have a choice."

Cas looked between the two paths as well. Both looked identical to him. "What's the choice between?" he asked, knowing that Dean saw more.

"I see Sammy at the end of one road, and darkness at the end of the other," Dean said. He looked over at Cas. Who had a frown on his face. He took Cas' hand, giving it a light squeeze.

"It seems the choice should be simple. Why hesitate?" Cas tried not to be too alarmed. This was a dream after all, and you didn't usually have control over them. Though they often reflected your internal self.

"I'm tired, Cas. I know what path I want to choose," he said, looking down the path that had Sam on it. "But this is full of struggles and trials, and I can't see what lies past Sam. I'm so tired." Dean squeezed Cas' hand a little, and looked to the other road. "This road is simpler. There is no pain down that road. No suffering. No trials. No feelings left to feel. I see an end to being tired. An end to the struggles."

"The darkness is alluring, but it's a lie, Dean. You know it is," Cas said, working hard on keeping his voice steady. He didn't want Dean to know he was worried. This was the struggle inside Dean. This is what he has been fighting this past year. Staying in the light, when it would be so much easier to give in to the dark. Cas took a deep breath, knowing none of this mattered anymore. They were going to cure Dean in a matter of hours anyway.

"It's not really a lie. It's more of a trick. Sure, you are at peace, but it's only because you don't feel. Not the way humans do, anyway. When I was a demon, I didn't give a shit about anything. I drank and had sex, because that's what I wanted to do. I killed because that's what I wanted to do." Dean looked into Cas' blue eyes to calm himself. He hated thinking about that time. The time he would have killed Sammy without a second thought. He would have thrown Sammy's dead body off a bridge and walked away without a second thought. He would have done it without missing a beat.

"You weren't you, Dean. Your soul was twisted, lost." Cas looked back down to the roads. He wished he could see what Dean was looking at.

"It's still twisted. It's still lost." Dean stepped away from Cas. He took a step towered the road with Sam. "What if I take this road and nothing comes of it? Nothing but pain and loss?"

"I assure you that the other road will also bring pain and loss. In the beginning you will feel as you did before. You will feel free. It's only like that in the beginning, Dean. Sooner or later, feelings return to you. Maybe they will not feel the same way has they did when you were human, but they will come. Look at Crowley. Look at Cain. He feels. Imagine how you will feel when you look around you one day and you realize all the innocent lives you have stolen. What are you going to do when you look around you and realize that you have killed the most important person in your life? You will be without your brother, and it will be at your hands." Cas waited a beat. "Like I said. This path is a lie."

Dean looked over at Cas. "I could kill you, too," he said, hating the idea of killing Cas just as much as he hated the idea of killing Sam. "I don't want to kill you."

"You could, yes." Cas took Dean's hand again. He moved closer to Dean's side. "But you won't."

"If I'm a demon I will." Dean sighed, rubbing his free hand down his face. "It's easy right now. To choose the right path. In moments of calm I can look down both paths, and know which one I want. The path I want has Sam." Dean took his free hand, placed it on Cas' cheek, feeling the rough stubble. "The right path has you." Dean placed a quick soft kiss on Cas' lips.

"But when I'm angry? When my blood is boiling and my heart his racing, it's not so easy. It's like I can't see the path with you and Sam. All I've got is the path I know I shouldn't take, but what choice do I have?"

Cas moved so that their foreheads were pressed together. He just stayed there like that for a moment, listening to Dean breathe. "That's why I have to do this," Cas said. He pressed his lips to Dean's, before Dean could respond.

"What?" Dean asked. He pulled away and looked around. They were back in his bedroom. Suddenly he felt himself being thrown onto the bed, then he couldn't move. He felt like he was being held by invisible chains. "What the hell, Cas!"

"I'm sorry, Dean. I have to do this. I have to save you," Cas walked over to the bed. "It's the only way."

Dean understood what Cas was saying, and his heart fell into his stomach. Tears stung at his eyes. "No freaking way! Cas, please don't. Don't do this!" Dean pleaded. "Cas, you stupid son of a bitch…" Dean's voice was silenced now, lowering until it grew silent. He had tried to tell Cas the reasons he wasn't worth it, but nothing came out. His words were silent.

"I already know you feel you are not worthy, but it isn't true. You are far more worthy than you allow yourself to see. You care, Dean. You hold the weight of the world on your shoulders. If someone dies during one of your cases, you think it's because you weren't good enough, fast enough. You need to stop and take a moment to remember the lives you have saved. They matter just as much as the ones you have lost."

Cas sat on the bed as he looked into Dean's red rimmed eyes. He hated to be the reason Dean was crying. Right now all he wanted to do was hold Dean close, and kiss away the tears, but he couldn't. "You changed my life, Dean. I knew nothing would ever be the same from the moment I saw you. I didn't realize how it would change at the time. You were only a child after all." Cas took Dean's hand in his own. Rubbing his thumb in circles on the top of Dean's hand, to comfort him.

"Your lack of faith in yourself astounded me more than your lack of faith in God. I had never run across a child who could believe in demons, but not angels. I looked in on you, from time to time. I knew I shouldn't have. You weren't my charge any longer, but who you were drew me in. You never ceased to surprise or amaze me. My heart broke for you throughout the years. When you lost your father. When you lost Sammy. I wished you could hear my cries of protest when I saw you make the deal with the crossroads demon. I knew what was to come of it. I knew that someone was going to have to save you. I knew it had to be me, because no other angels would care for you the way I did. The way I do." Cas paused a moment, wiping at a tear that fell from Dean's eye.

"I had already started to fall for you before I met you. At least I think I did, because I knew that things were different between us the moment we had met again. Again, the lack of faith you had for yourself astonished me. After all the good you had done." Cas shook his head, and gave Dean a small smile. "I love you, Dean. I love you, and because I love you, I can't just sit back and wait for another cure to come along. I can't. I won't." Cas placed a kiss on Dean's lips, before standing.

As Cas stood, Dean struggled to get free. He yelled Cas' name but still, nothing came out. How could Cas do this to him? "I need you Cas! I need you!" Dean yelled, even though his words were silent.

"I know you do," Cas said, as he opened the door to Dean's room. "Please forgive me." Cas left the room, and exited Dean's dream. He looked down at Dean's sleeping form a moment, before placing two fingers on Dean's forehead, forcing him into an even deeper sleep.

Cas' own tears fell from his eyes as he watched Dean sleep. Would Dean ever forgive him? "I'm sorry, Dean. I just love you too much to lose you. Forgive me. Please, find it in you to forgive me." With that Cas walked from the room.

* * *

"Hey," Sam greeted him, as he walked into the kitchen. He gave Sam a nod, and one to Julianne.

She finished chewing the cereal in her mouth, before giving him a small smile. She still couldn't believe she was speaking with an angel. "Morning. Did you sleep well? Wait," she said, holding up a finger. "Can angels even sleep?"

Despite the situation, the look on Julianne's face made Cas smile a bit. He would like her, and was saddened that he may never get the chance to. "No, angels don't sleep."

"Hmm," She mused. She looked over at Sam, who had placed a hand on her shoulder. "I'm not sure if I would like living, but not sleeping. I couldn't imagine not having a way to escape reality for a few hours. I mean, what would you do with the time?"

"You spend a lot of hours bored out of your mind. Trust me," Sam replied. He laughed at her look of confusion. "Another time," he replied, then placed a kiss on her lips.

"We have thirty minutes to do this, before Dean wakes," Cas said, looking over at Julianne, whose eyes grew sad. "Fifty tops."

"So you're really going to do this?" Julianne asked. She looked up at Sam again. He was looking at Cas, and they seemed to be having some kind of private conversation.

"I will meet you in the room," Sam said, before Cas turned and left.

Sam looked at Julianne. "Okay, I showed you where we'll be. Cas locked the door, so when you hear the locks, you run to us, then hide where I told you to hide." Sam pulled her up and into his chest.

"Okay, you should go," She said, pulling away. "I will get into position." She walked toward the door, then looked back when Sam didn't follow her. She could tell he didn't want to do this. "Sam?"

He looked up at her, and gave her a smile. "Yeah," he cleared his throat then went to her. Together they left the kitchen, then split when she got into seeing distance of Dean's door. She was close enough she should be able to hear him fidget with the locks, but not so close she would be in harm's way.

Sam quickly went to Cas and found him already lying on the bed, with the instrument they needed lying on the table next to him. Sam walked up slowly to the bed, his heart in his stomach. He didn't want to do this. He didn't want to end Cas' life. He knew there was a chance Cas would survive, but he didn't have high hopes for that.

"Don't back down. You keep going until you have it all," Cas said. His voice was far more steady than he had expected.

Sam licked his lips, and with shaky hands he reached for the tool. He stopped, then looked at Cas. "Are you sure, Cas? I mean, there might be another way. The might be something else we could do." He really didn't want to do this.

"Sam, it took a year to find this solution. How long do you think it will take to find another? If there is another? This is our best option. It's our only option."

"What if it doesn't work and you die? What if you die for nothing?" Sam closed his eyes, trying to steady himself.

"I love him, Sam. I love him the way lovers do." Cas looked at Sam, who gave him a look saying he had already known that. "It's a risk I am willing to take."

Sam took a deep breath. He picked up the tool and was happy his hands were steadier. "I love you like a brother, Cas. You have done so much for us, and we don't always say thank you. We take you for granted at times, but we do care about you. We do appreciate everything you have done. I just wanted you to know that."

"I know," Cas replied. He moved his head so Sam had access to his neck. "Let's do this. Time is wasting."

* * *

The moment he woke, Dean jumped up and ran for the door. He cursed loudly as he struggled to get his shaky hands to unlock the damn door. He could hear his heart racing in his chest as he wondered if he was too late. Finally the door sprang open, and he ran to Cas like his life depended on it. Hell, his life did depend on it. He didn't want to live without Cas.

He ran into the room just as Sam was putting the tool down on the table. It was full of grace. Dean's heart sank into the pit of his stomach. Cas wasn't moving and Sam looked sick. "No," Dean whispered, so quietly he wasn't even sure he had said it at all.

He shook, but it wasn't out of rage. It was out of loss, of sorrow. He could feel the tears sting at his eyes as he walked to the table Cas was lying on. When he reached it his heart took a leap. He took Cas' hand with his shaky ones. "He's alive?" Dean asked. Not that he needed an answer. He could see that Cas was breathing, and he was currently checking his pulse. It was weak, but there. Dean closed his eyes in relief. Thank god.

"For now it seems so," Sam said weakly. He took a step back, not feeling so hot himself. "I really thought we were going to lose him."

Now that he knew Cas was alive, Dean felt pissed. He looked daggers at Sam. "What the hell were you thinking? Do you have any idea what you could have done?" Dean barked out.

"Look, I know you're pissed, but he is fine," Sam replied, treading lightly. He looked at Julianne, who was by the door. "Go, I will meet you in my room."

"Sam," She started to say, but stopped, and nodded when he gave her a pleading look. She knew that Dean could get dangerous.

Dean's jaw clenched as he fought away the rage. "Cas could have died!" he yelled.

"Yeah, but he didn't, Dean. He is alive," Sam said, using a soft soothing tone.

Dean looked down at Cas, desperately trying to stay calm. It wasn't working, he could feel his blood boiling. Sam just didn't understand what Cas meant to him. How could he? His grip grew tighter on Cas' hand.

"Dean," Sam said, slowly. "I know you're pissed. I get that, but you really need to try to calm down. Cas is alive, it's over with. Done."

"You went behind my back. Both of you," Dean shook his head. He took a few steps back as the rage grew. He turned from the room and ran. If he didn't get away soon, he was going to hurt Sam, and as pissed as he was, he didn't want that.

He went to his room, slamming the door behind him. He needed to calm down. He needed to get it together. "Cas is alive," he told himself. He sank to the floor. "Cas is alive."

"You okay?" Julianne asked Sam when he walked into the bedroom. He looked a little pale.

"I could have killed him," Sam replied. He sat on the bed, next to where she was.

She took his hand and gave it a light kiss. "But you didn't; he will be okay."

He looked at her. "I hope so." Sam stood, rubbing his hand down his face. "I'm going to go sit with him, I don't want him to wake alone."

Julianne followed him from the room. She took his hand in hers. "So what now?"

"Well, when he is calm, we will inject him with the grace, and pray to god that it works." Sam looked down at her as they walked into the room together.

"And if it doesn't?" she asked.

"Than our search for the cure isn't over." Sam sat in the chair next to Cas.

"And he gave up his grace for nothing," Julianne added, as Sam pulled her down on his lap.

"This is my life, Julie. Things like this, things worse than this, happen all the time. Are you sure it's what you want?" Sam had to ask her again. He wasn't sure if he would ever stop asking.

"No sane person wants this, Sam," she said, moving his hair out of his face. "But I am sure that I want you, and if this is what comes with you, then I will take it."

Sam held her close and looked over her head at Cas. He couldn't express just how happy he was that Cas was alive. Nor could he fight the feeling that there was something going on between Cas and Dean he didn't know about. Something he had never even put thought into. Yes, he knew that Cas loved Dean, but was Dean in love with Cas? Dean was acting like a lover toward Cas, and he was not sure how to take that. One thing he knew for sure was he wouldn't push the issue. If something was going on, he would let Dean come clean in his own time.

 

**I hope you have all enjoyed the chapter. Reviews and Comments are appreciated. Thanks :D**


	18. Love and Anger

**Disclaimer! I do not own Supernatural or its characters. All credit go to the wonderful creators** **of Supernatural and its actors.**

"How you feeling?" Sam asked Cas, concerned. He helped Cas sit up slowly. "Not too fast," he told him. "Are you dizzy?"

"I've brought water," Julianne said, as she walked into the room. She didn't like his coloring. He was too pale.

Cas watched as she approached him, her kind green eyes held worry. He took the class she offered, feeling like he could drink the entire Pacific given the chance. He could tell by the way water sloshed around in the glass that he was shaky. "Thank you," he said to her, before putting the glass to his lips and drinking quickly.

"Would you like more?" Julianne asked, after he finished. She wanted to help any way she could.

"No, thank you." He looked over at Sam and could see the concern in his eyes. "I'm feeling a little tired," he said to him. "But I'm fine."

Sam nodded, seeming to relax just a little. "You've been out for a couple hours. You had me worried." Sam placed a gentle hand on Cas' shoulder. "Thank god you're okay," Sam added. He'd been really worried when Cas wasn't coming to, but took comfort in the fact that his pulse had strengthened. He wasn't sure he could handle Cas actually dying. Cas was family, and family was too precious to lose at this point.

"I don't think god had anything to do with it," Cas replied weakly. He moved a little and winced. His body hurt and his head pounded, but he was alive. "How's Dean?" Cas wondered out loud.

"Pretty pissed," Sam answered. "He showed up right after we were finished, and you were passed out. I think he thought you were dead when he first walked into the room cause he paled when he saw you lying there. But when he realized you were alive, his loss turned into anger. Lucky for everyone he stormed back to his room before anything bad happened." Sam looked over at Julianne. He kept waiting for her to freak out, but she never did. She seemed to be taking everything in stride.

"I thought for sure things were going to get physical," Julianne added, while she took the glass from Cas. "Is there anything you need?"

"Rest, I think. I'm really tired." Cas rubbed at his eyes a moment. He shifted so he his feet dangled off the table. He wasn't confident that his legs would hold his weight, but he didn't want to sleep where he was. Slowly he got off the table and was surprised he didn't collapse to the floor. He held on to the table though, just in case they decided to give out.

"Let me help," Sam said, putting Cas' arm around his shoulder. He carried most of Cas' weight as they left the room and made their way to one of the spare bedrooms.

"Thank you, Sam," Cas said, as Sam helped him to the bed. What he really wanted was Dean, but he knew that Dean was likely still very angry, and he wasn't ready for that storm just yet.

"Of course," Sam replied. He hovered a moment, just feeling thankful that Cas survived. "I will be around if you need me."

"Okay," Cas replied. He turned on his side when the door closed. He just wanted to sleep a couple more hours, then go to Dean. He knew he couldn't avoid the storm forever, but he wasn't looking forward to it.

* * *

About an hour after Sam had informed him that Cas had woken, and he was sure he could keep it together, Dean snuck into the room Sam had put Cas in. Cas laid on the bed looking much better than he had on the table a couple hours before. This made him breathe just a little easier.

Dean stood by the door for a few moments before walking over to the bed. He could hear Cas' soft snores and the sound brought an unexpected smile to his face.

Dean noticed that Cas' shoes were still on. At first he was just going to leave them there, but he had a need to remove them. He knew that sleeping with shoes was uncomfortable, and he wanted Cas to be as comfortable as he could be. So as carefully as he could, he untied and pulled off Cas' shoes, setting them on the floor at the foot of the bed.

He just stood there then, watching Cas as he slept, taking comfort in the steady rise and falls of Cas' chest. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath as unnecessary fear filled him. Cas could have died. Soon the anger followed, and Dean decided he needed to hit the weights, maybe the treadmill. He was hoping to have some kind of normal conversation with Cas when he woke, and he didn't need the extra energy or anger.

He watched Cas for a few more moments, before walking to the door, where he paused, before going back to the bed. He gently leaned over it, placing a light kiss on Cas' cheek. Satisfied for now, he left, closing the door quietly behind him.

* * *

"You're awake," Julianne said, as Cas walked into the kitchen. She smiled at him from the stove. "You look loads better. You hungry?" She asked, giving him a smile. She still couldn't believe that she was talking to an angel. Well, she supposed ex-angel now, but still.

"Starved," Cas replied. He sat down at the table. "What time is it?"

"About seven," Julianne replied as she stirred the pasta. "You've slept all day, which looks like it did you some good."

"Yeah, I feel a lot better." Cas looked down at his shoeless feet and wondered who had taken them off. He felt a little foolish, but he hoped Dean had. It made him feel good to think Dean had checked in on him as he slept. "Have you seen Dean?"

She shook her head as she said, "Not since this morning. Sam said that he was working out at some point, but we have mostly left him alone."

Cas looked down at the table. He knew that doing this was going to make Dean angry. He didn't, however, expect to live through it. Would Dean forgive him? Everything turned out good in the end. Cas sighed. That isn't how Dean was going to see it. Dean is never quick to forgive.

"You're up," Sam said, as he walked onto the kitchen. He walked over to Julianne and gave her a quick kiss. "Dinner smells amazing."

"Thanks," she replied with a smile. "It's almost finished," she added.

Sam smiled at her a moment before looking over at Cas. "You look better. How are you feeling?"

"Better. Still weak, but better." Cas watched Sam take a seat. "How's Dean?"

"Last time I saw him he was running himself to death," Sam sighed. "He was really angry."

"When are we going to give him my grace? Why haven't you done it already?" Cas had assumed Sam would have done it quickly.

"I wanted to wait until you woke. This way he could see that you were going to be fine," Sam took Julianne's hand in his as he spoke. "Also I didn't want you to wake alone. Are you sure you're feeling okay?" He couldn't help but be worried, even if Cas really did look a lot better than he had earlier.

"Yes, I feel well. Perhaps still a little weak, but other than that, I feel fine." Cas watched as Julianne went back to the stove. She drained the noodles, added butter, then stirred them. She pulled down the plates, humming all the while. He looked over at Sam, who watched her as well. Sam had a smile on his face that Cas was sure he had never seen before. It was a contented smile. Cas watched as she looked over her shoulder at Sam, returning the smile.

"I will go let Dean know that dinner is done, and that I'm awake." Cas said, feeling the need to give them some room. He was a little nervous about confronting Dean, but he had to do it sooner or later.

"Are you sure you don't want me to do it?" Sam asked, concern clear on his face. Dean wasn't himself and Sam worried he would accidentally hurt Cas.

"I'm sure." Cas said, as he stood and walked from the kitchen. He went to Dean's room first, hoping to find him there. He took a deep breath, and knocked before entering.

* * *

Dean paced his room, trying to remain as calm as he could. On his way back to his room he had checked in on Cas to find his bed empty. Half in a panic he went to the kitchen, but stopped when he heard Cas talking to Sam and Julianne. With a relieved sigh, he went to his room. He needed just a little more time before he confronted them.

There was a knock at his door, then it opened. Cas stepped into his room, closing the door behind him. Dean's heart took a leap. Cas looked a lot better, and the fact that he was on his feet made Dean want to weep with relief.

"Hello Dean," Cas said. He didn't take a step closer to Dean. He just hovered by the door.

A thousand emotions ran through him with those two words. Words he had heard a million times. Happiness, fear, hope, love, until he settled with anger. He crossed the room to Cas, before he even knew what he was doing, and not so gently pushed Cas into the door, anger running through him. He grabbed the lapels of Cas' coat. He had meant to ask Cas what the hell he was thinking? How could he go and do that behind his back? What if he had died? What then?! But instead he found his lips crushing down on Cas'. He kissed him hard and long, not even wanting to stop to breathe. His heart pounded so hard in his chest he was surprised it didn't beat out of it. He loved that Cas returned the kiss. It was such a simple thing, but it meant the world to him. What he loved even more was the fact he could feel Cas' heart pounding against his hand. Feeling Cas' heart beat was the most beautiful thing he had ever felt. Cas was alive.

He wasn't sure how long they kissed, but after a few minutes he let go of Cas' coat, and took a couple steps back. He licked his lips as he just took Cas in. He was here. He was alive. Okay, he looked like hell, but he was alive. Dean was still pissed. He couldn't help it. Cas had gone behind his back.

"I'm so pissed at you I can hardly think straight," Dean said after a moment. Cas looked unsurprised. "How could you do it, Cas?"

"I had to. I couldn't sit back and let you go dark side when I could do something about it. There are two sides to this, Dean," Cas replied. He leaned his back against the wall.

"You could have died! What do you think that would do to me? Do you really think I could just move on from that? I would have never forgiven you." Dean paced the room, trying to keep himself together.

"And if you had gone dark, we may have had to kill you. I didn't want Sam or me in that position, Dean." Cas went to the bed and sat down.

"So, it's okay for me to live without you, but not for you to live without me?" Dean snapped. "How's that fair?"

"Either way it wouldn't have been fair. Open your eyes, Dean. There was a chance that I could live. If we don't find you a cure you WILL become a demon again, and we will have to kill you. I will do anything for that not to happen," Cas replied, in a raised tone. "Bottom line is, there was a chance I would live."

"What if it doesn't work? Huh? What then? You would have given up your grace for nothing." Dean ran his hand down his face. "Jesus, Cas. What if you gave up your grace for nothing?" Dean suddenly felt sick with the idea. Cas wasn't too fond about being human before, and now he may have to be human for nothing.

"Then it doesn't work. I'm not sorry for the choice I made." Dean stopped pacing, and looked daggers at Cas. "You can be pissed all you want, Dean. But this was my choice, and I'm not sorry. I'm sorry it upset you. I'm sorry that you are hurt by my choice, but I'm not sorry I made it."

"Damn it, Cas." Dean started to pace again. He was still pissed, but he could feel some of the anger die down. "I need you." Dean whispered, as he closed his eyes. "The thought of you dying scares the hell out of me. I can't…" Dean took a deep breath.

Cas stood, going to Dean. He reached up to touch his lips to Dean's, then took Dean's hand and placed it on his cheek. "I'm here, Dean," he said, then moved Dean's hand to his chest. "My heart beats. I'm alive. I'm here."

Dean allowed Cas' words to soothe him. Cas was alive. "I'm here, and I have no plans of leaving you. As long as you want me, I'm here," Cas said, looking into Dean's eyes.

Those words were surprisingly good to hear. "You're going to have to stay forever then," Dean replied, a small smile on his lips. He moved his hand from Cas' chest to his back, pulling Cas closer. "Because I don't think I can go back. I don't think I can ever stop needing you."

A shy smile appeared on Cas' face. "Good," he said, kissing Dean gently.

There was a knock on the door, and the two jumped apart. "Come in," Dean answered, hoping is voice didn't give anything away. He was not ready for Sammy to know.

Sam opened the door, with a guilty look on his face. "Just came to make sure you didn't kill him," Sam said in a light tone.

"I'm fine," Cas said. He looked away, because he was worried his flushed face might give them away.

"Julianne made dinner. We're waiting for you. If you're going to join us." Sam looked between the two, and couldn't help feeling that he had interrupted something. Was Cas' face flushed?

"Yeah, I could use some food," Dean replied, after clearing his throat.

"I have already said I'm starved," Cas added. He left the room, leaving the brothers alone.

Sam looked at Dean, not sure exactly what to say. He wasn't sorry for what he did. Especially since Cas survived. "Are we okay?" Sam asked. It was the simplest question to ask.

Dean took a moment to answer. He knew he wasn't completely over it, but for the moment he was. "Yeah, we're okay." he replied.

Sam nodded with an expression saying he didn't really believe him, but he wasn't going to push the issue. It was a look Dean had received many times throughout the years.

"Come on," Dean said, walking over to him. He slapped him lightly on the shoulder as he went by. "Let's see if your girl can cook," he said lightly.

Sam chuckled as he followed behind Dean. "Trust me, she can." he said, in a tone that had Dean looking at him.

"You're head over heels for this woman, aren't you?" Dean asked, in a joking tone. He already knew the answer to the question. After all, he wasn't blind. He could see the way Sam looked at her.

Sam stopped walking. Dean stopped as well. His brow pulled together. "Sammy?" he asked.

Sam had to swallow before he could say anything. "I love her, Dean. I love her so much, and it scares the hell out of me. I love her the way I loved Jess." Sam shook his head as he fought back his emotions. He took a deep breath before continuing. "I tried walking away. I tried leaving her behind. I know it's safer for her if I do, but she didn't want me to. She wants to be with me. What if something happens to her? Dean," Sam said Dean's name with a plea.

"We will protect her. End of story," Dean replied. Just like they will protect Cas. They will protect the ones they love.

"That doesn't always work out, Dean. We lose the ones we love," Sam said, the fear heavy in his voice.

"Don't think on it, Sammy. We will do whatever it takes to keep them safe," Dean replied, needing to take the advice for himself as well.

"Them?" Sam asked. Were his suspicions true? Had Dean fallen in love with Cas? That would be a lot to swallow.

"Her," Dean corrected quickly. "I meant her." Dean cursed himself silently. "Of course now we have to keep Cas safe. Without his angel mojo he is vulnerable."

"If I had my way, Julie would never leave the bunker," Sam said.

Dean could say the same about everyone he loved including Sam. "Yeah, well, we can't keep the ones we love locked up in boxes."

"I'm still scared, Dean." Sam ran his hand through his hair.

"I know Sam. Come on, they're waiting for us." Dean lead the way to the kitchen. He wished he had the words to make Sam feel better. He hated when he didn't know what to say. Even now that they were adults, Dean felt the need to protect Sam from everything.

"There you guys are," Julianne said as they walked in. She placed the last plate of food on the table.

"Spaghetti and meat balls," Dean said, rubbing his hands together. He overplayed his happiness just a little, but he didn't want the next however long it took them to eat to be uncomfortable for her.

"I've never had this," Cas commented as Julianne sat.

"Well, I don't think I have ever met anyone who doesn't like it," Julianne said. Her brow pulled together once it sank in. "You've never had spaghetti?" She asked, surprised.

"If it tastes as good as it smells, then I'm sure I will love it." Cas looked over at Dean, who was looking at him with a hint of a smile. Cas looked away with a smile of his own. No, he wasn't sorry for the choice he made. Not if it meant there was more of this. More moments between him and Dean. Moments that only lasted seconds, but that he would remember for a lifetime.

 

**I hope you have all enjoyed the chapter. Reviews and Comments are appreciated. Thanks :D**


	19. Angel Grace

**Disclaimer! I do not own Supernatural or its characters. All credit go to the wonderful creators** **of Supernatural and its actors.**

"That was amazing," Cas said, after finishing his food. He was hoping to have this meal again real soon.

"I don't think I have ever had spaghetti that good before," Dean added, with a smile. He didn't know much about her, but so far he liked her. What he really liked was the way Sam looked at her. It was like she was the only woman in the world to him. Sammy looked truly happy, and that made Dean happy.

"Thanks," Julianne replied, looking a little flushed. The slight color in her cheeks made her look even prettier than she already was.

"We should do it tonight," Dean said. All the smiles disappeared from their faces.

Sam looked at Dean a bit surprised. He had expected Dean to be a little more resistant. "You're not going to fight us on it?"

Dean shrugged. "What's the point? The part I had any objections to is over with," Dean took a sip of his beer. He hated that he had jitters, which meant the shaking and unnecessary anger could soon follow. "Just figured we get it done." His marked arm started to hum. It was like the dark in him knew what they were trying to do. God he really hopes this works.

"Yeah, the sooner the better," Sam agreed, but looked worried. He was trying not to give it too much thought, but he couldn't help it. Truth was, they had no idea what giving Dean Cas' grace would do.

"Why do you look worried? I thought the worst was behind?" Julianne asked, noting Sam's worry.

"We've never done this before. None of us knows what will happen if you give grace to a human," Dean replied. He shrugged and added. "For all we know I could die."

A chill ran through Julianne. He had said it so matter of factly. Like the fact that he could die didn't faze him one bit. Sam and Cas, however, both looked a little pale.

"This didn't seem to be a concern before," she stated. "Why is it one now?"

"One thing at a time," Sam replied. "In our line of work, we have to try to take it one thing at a time. But I've been worried about it." That was why he was procrastinating.

"Oh," Julianne replied. Yeah, that made sense.

"I guess tonight is the night we will find out what happens when you give a human grace," Dean said, rubbing his hands together. He was trying to get rid of the tingling in his arm, as well as make light of the situation. If he didn't worry, maybe they wouldn't worry so much.

"Not really. You have the mark. That'll most likely make a difference," Cas said. He looked at Dean, wishing he could have a moment alone with him. It was his turn to worry, but it had to be done. "Let's just hope you survive and it removes the mark."

"Maybe more research should have been done on this. I mean, the story the priest told me could have been just that." She looked at Sam with concern.

"There isn't a lot of time," Sam said. He gave her a smile, hoping it would help ease her.

"It's quicker to just do it," Dean added, with a shrug.

"How can you be so okay with this?" Julianne asked. If she were in his shoes she would be terrified. She wanted to ask the same of Cas, but she didn't want to overstep. Now she was too damn curious not to ask.

Dean looked at her. She was looking at him like he was insane. "I've been doing this for a long time. We've all been doing this a long time. The possibility of dying is in the job description. I'm not afraid to die. It's just part of the job."

She looked over at Cas as she let that sink in. If dying really wasn't a big deal, then why did he make such a big deal of the possibility of Cas dying? She watched Dean glance at Cas, before quickly looking away. Again she found herself wondering if there was something going on between them. "I guess you guys have really been through a lot," she commented after a moment.

"You aren't kidding," the brothers said, in harmony.

Sam stood from the table, taking his plate and cup to the sink. "We will meet in an hour." He said. He needed a little time.

Dean downed the last of his beer. "I think I will spend that hour on the treadmill." He stood too. He could see Cas eyeing him from the corner of his eye.

"So soon after you've eaten?" Julianne interjected before Cas could answer. "You'll get a tummy ache."

Dean had to smile at her. "Trust me, I've done worse right after eating. I will be fine."

Julianne looked over at Sam, he didn't seem worried, so she decided she shouldn't be, either. It was just one of those things her grandmother always said to her and her cousin as they were growing up.

Dean stood, noting that Cas was still watching him. "Hey Cas, can I talk to you a moment?" Dean asked from the door.

"Sure, Dean," Cas replied, standing slowly. He didn't want to give anything away to Sam or Julianne. Not until Dean was ready.

Before Cas reached Dean, Julianne let out a surprised yelp. They all looked over at her to see Hannah standing next to her.

Instinctively, Sam pulled Julianne toward him. He positioned himself slightly in front of her, so he was between them. Dean quickly walked beside Cas, fighting the urge to take his hand.

"Hannah," Cas said, breaking the silence.

"Castiel, what have you done?" she asked, shock clear in her tone, as well as disapproval. "You've betrayed us. You opened heaven without my knowledge. Do you realize what you could have done? Do you have any idea how bad things could have gone? Angels could have left. They could have gone rogue again. Just when things start to calm down, you up and leave and for what?" Hannah eyed Dean. "And now you're human? How did that happen?"

"I gave up may grace to heal Dean," Cas replied confidently. Dean couldn't help but notice that Cas stood a little taller as he spoke to her.

"The darkness is still within him," Hannah replied, slightly confused.

"We haven't given it to him yet," Cas told her.

"Good, then it isn't too late. Think straight Castiel, we need you in heaven. Get your grace and come home. Please Castiel."

"He's not going anywhere," Dean said, annoyed. He was definitely not going anywhere with her. He inched just a little closer to Cas. Just in case she tried anything.

"Are you going to stop him?" Hannah asked. "You are nothing but human."

"You should watch the way you talk to him," Cas said, in a warning tone.

"Please come home, Castiel. Stop this madness," Hannah pleaded.

Cas looked around the room, then to Dean, before looking back to Hannah. "I am home."

This did not please Hannah. "I do not understand your decisions."

"I do not expect you to," Cas replied. "You have not lived as I have."

They eyed each other for a long moment. Hannah looked disappointed. "I could just make you come with me."

"You could try," Dean said, anger clear in his tone. He took a step forward so he was standing in front of Cas. "I dare you," he taunted.

Hannah laughed. "You think you can take me?"

"I've killed your kind before," Dean replied coolly.

Hannah looked worried for a moment before her face rearranged in defeat. "Well, if I can't change your mind." Hannah looked around the room. "You may regret this decision one day. You do realize that?"

"I doubt it," Cas said, his tone sure. She didn't understand things the way he did. She didn't understand what love did to someone. She didn't understand that as long as he had Dean, he was happy.

"This is your fault. He turned his back on his brothers and sisters because of you," Hannah said to Dean harshly.

"I think you guys also played a hand in pushing him away. Next time maybe you will think before trying to jump start the apocalypse, and going around, killing your own," Dean replied in the same harsh tone. He could feel his control start to waver. Shit.

"You wouldn't understand the reasons. You couldn't, even if you tried." Hannah said. She didn't really approve of the archangels' actions, but she wouldn't let them know that.

"I understand plenty, lady!" Dean had to take a deep breath to calm himself.

Hannah looked daggers at Dean before looking to Cas. "I'm sorry things had to end this way, Castiel. For the record, you will be missed." With that she was gone.

Cas stood there a moment. He would have to live with the guilt of turning his back on the angels. He felt a hand on his shoulder, and looked up to see Dean giving him a smile. Cas took a deep breath. That smile was one of the many things he loved about Dean.

"Come on," Dean said, motioning with his head for Cas to follow. Now he really needed the treadmill.

* * *

 

The moment the gym door closed behind them, Cas grabbed Dean, kissing him hard on the lips. Dean returned the kiss.

After a moment they pulled apart. Dean took Cas' chin and placed one last quick kiss on Cas' lips, before going to the treadmill. "I'm jittery," Dean confessed.

"I figured as much," Cas replied. He crossed his arms over his chest. "Dean, if this doesn't go well…" Cas started to say, but Dean shook his head, cutting him off.

Dean went back to Cas, taking him in his arms. It surprised him how natural this all seemed. Like it was something he had been doing his entire life. "Don't think on it," Dean said, kissing Cas' forehead.

"How can I not?" Cas asked, pulling away slightly. "You worried for me, I'm allowed to worry for you."

Dean walked away, getting back on the treadmill. Cas watched him as he went from a brisk walk to a run. Cas marveled in the strong confident strides. He leaned against the wall as he watched his man work out. He smiled. He liked that very much. His man. Yes, that he could get used to.

…

Dean hated that Cas worried for him. It was just a reminder that there were a lot of things they were going to have to work out. Cas would worry about him every time he went on a hunt. Dean couldn't guarantee when he would be home. He could be away more than he was home. However, Cas knew what he was getting into. Cas was not a stranger to the life of a hunter.

Would Cas want to go on hunts? He stumbled a little as the thought occurred to him. It wasn't something he had given much thought to before. He supposed that was because Cas wasn't human before. Now that he is though, Dean wasn't sure he could handle Cas going on hunts with them. He couldn't risk Cas' life.

The idea of losing Cas made him sick to his stomach. He shook the thoughts from his head. He didn't need them at the moment. They were only making him more anxious than he was already feeling.

* * *

 

"You okay?" Julianne asked Sam. He was sitting in the study, staring off in to space.

Sam blinked and looked up at her with a smile. He took the cup she handed him, and looked into it. "It's tea. It will help calm your nerves." She shrugged. "I had to help somehow."

He put the cup aside, then pulled her down onto his lap. "You being here helps," he said, holding her close. She smiled and kissed his forehead.

"So, are you okay?" she asked again. "I mean, outside of what's about to happen?"

"I just," Sam started to say, but stopped. He sighed. "I feel like maybe there is something going on between Cas and Dean. Like, romantically." Sam looked up at her, and she didn't seem all that shocked.

"I've gotten the same impression. Though I don't know them as well as you do." She placed her tea on the table. "Does the idea bother you?" she wondered.

"No. I don't care about people's sexual preferences. It's just, Dean has always been a ladies man. He's whored around his entire adult life," Sam added, with a short laugh. He shook his head. "I don't have a problem with it, but it will sure as hell be a shock."

Julianne kissed him. "Why don't you ask?"

"Maybe I will after. I don't know. I don't want to piss him off. What if I am reading things wrong?" Sam shook his head. "I guess we will just see."

Julianne nodded. They were quiet a moment, then Julianne said, "Did the angels really start the apocalypse?"

Sam laughed at the look on her face. "Well, Dean and I helped, but yeah. There's nothing to worry about though, Dean and I stopped it."

"But how?" she asked, in wonder.

Sam stroked his hand up and down her back. "I think I will have to introduce you to a book series," Sam replied, after a moment. He wasn't sure how he felt about her reading his entire life story, but to be honest it would answer most of her questions.

Her brow furrowed. "How does that answer my question?" she asked.

"The books are about Dean and me." Sam laughed at her looked of confusion. "I will tell you that story when you start reading." With a sigh, Sam moved her off his lap and stood. "Right now I have to hopefully not kill my brother.

* * *

 

"Dean," Cas said, taking Dean's hand before Dean walked from the room. His heart panicked in his chest at the thought of something going wrong. What if he lost Dean? What if this didn't work? "I don't like this side of the coin," Cas said, receiving a questioning look from Dean. "I don't like being the one possibly losing someone I love. I'd rather be the one dying."

Dean gave him a half smile. "I know the feeling. Trust me." Dean squeezed Cas' hand. Cas looked down and away. "Hey," Dean said, grabbing his chin. Something Cas decided he liked very much. "I have no plans on going anywhere. You'll have to put up with me for much longer than you already have."

Cas couldn't help the smile that reached his lips. "You promise?" Cas asked, knowing well that Dean couldn't make that kind of promise.

"I promise to do my damnedest," Dean replied. It was the best he could do.

Dean leaned down and placed his lips on Cas' for only a moment. "You know, you're going to spoil me with all these kisses," Cas warned. He never knew Dean could be so loving.

Dean shrugged, "Maybe it's just something you will have to get used to," Dean said, surprised at how much he meant it. He loved kissing Cas. It just seemed so right to have his lips pressed against Cas'. It was odd, that was for sure. But damn, Cas could kiss. Again he wondered if Cas had been with others, and again the idea drove him mad with jealousy.

"Come on, they're probably waiting," Dean said. He left quickly, hating the hum in his marked arm. What if he, like, hulked out while Sam was injecting him? Fear ran through him. This could be a very dangerous thing to do. He looked over at Cas, who smiled at him when he realized he was being watched.

What were the odds of getting Cas and Julianne to stay out of the room? Sam would agree if Dean insisted that she not be in there, but Cas, on the other hand, was a different story. Sam wouldn't understand why he would want Cas out of the room, and he couldn't tell him.

Would Cas leave if Dean asked him to? Dean looked at Cas again as the entered the room. Maybe he could at the very least try.

Sam gave Dean his worried smile as they entered. "You ready for this?" Sam asked, with a sigh.

Dean grabbed his arm. His heart raced a little in his chest. He wasn't afraid, but it was like the damn mark had a mind of its own. "I don't know, man. It's like the mark knows what's coming."

Sam nodded in understanding. "That's why I made this," Sam said, holding up a bottle of liquid.

"And that is?" Dean asked, with raised eyebrows.

"A sedative. Help calm those nerves. Maybe even put you out, then we could tie you down," Sam tossed the bottle to Dean. Dean caught it with ease.

"How did you even get the mark?" Julianne wondered, as she looked at the marking on Dean's arm.

"It's…"

"A long story," Julianne said, cutting Dean off. She gave him a smile. "I guess when there is a moment of calm, I will have to hear some of these long stories." She paused. "Or are they all in the books?" she asked, curiously.

Dean's face dropped into disapproval, and he looked over at Sam. "You told her about the books?" he asked, displeased.

Sam shrugged. "She likes reading, and I figure it was the easiest way for her to learn our past."

"Come on, man. I'm full frontal in those," Dean objected.

Julianne felt flush touch her cheeks. "I promise to skip over those parts," She said, hoping to put him at ease. She couldn't help the smile on her face though. Dean was, after all, as attractive as Sam.

"I still don't like it," Dean replied, as he climbed onto the table. He looked over at Cas, who pulled handcuffs from a drawer across the room. "Kinky," Dean said, giving Cas a wink. Cas looked away, but not before Dean saw the flush on his face.

Dean downed the liquid quickly. They all watched him as they waited for the meds to take effect, and that made him anxious, but before he could say anything he could feel himself going numb. He realized he hadn't told Sam to make sure Julianne and Cas leave before he started. Dean tried to tell him, but he couldn't. Nothing came out. Panic spread through him.

"It's okay, Dean," he heard Cas say. He looked over at Cas. Things started to go blurry. He felt pressure in his wrist and he knew Cas was touching him now. He closed his eyes, unable to keep them open any longer.

* * *

 

Sam took a deep breath as he picked up the tool holding Cas' grace. He looked up at Cas, holding his gaze for a moment. Cas looked the way he felt, and he suddenly was really unsure about this. He looked over when he felt a touch on his arm. Julianne gave it a light squeeze as she smiled at him.

"Sam, we have to do this," Cas said. Sam looked over at him. "Dean needs us to do this. I will, if you cannot."

Sam looked down at Dean, who was chained down to the table. He knew it had to be done, and he knew he had to be the one to do it. Dean was his brother. His responsibility. It almost made him want to laugh as he thought it. For so long he was Dean's responsibility. He supposed that Dean still felt like he was, but now, Sam felt the same about Dean. They were brothers and they would always be responsible for each other.

"I've got it," Sam said, reassuringly. He took another deep breath. "You two should step back. If things look like they are going to get bad I want both of you to get out of here."

Julianne took several steps back, giving herself easy access to the door. After a moment of hesitation, Cas did the same, but not before giving Dean's arm another light squeeze.

Sam slowly stuck the needle into Dean's neck, then slowly started to inject the grace. The moment he did, Dean's body jolted. His eyes shot open, but they weren't his normal green. Instead, black eyes looked up at him. A growl escaped Dean's lips as he tried to fight the chains.

Sam struggled to keep the needle in place as the darkness in Dean fought. The more grace he got into Dean, the more aggressively Dean fought. It got to the point where Sam couldn't hold the instrument steady. "Dean," Sam said, trying to call to his brother. "Dean, we're almost there."

Cas crossed the room. With some effort he took Dean's face into his hands. "Dean, fight this. You know we are helping you. You need to fight the darkness," Cas said, firmly.

Dean continued to fight against the constraints. He roared as his black eyes flickered green, then back to black, then green again. "There you go," Cas said, as Dean struggled less, allowing Sam to continue. Cas' thumb rubbed Dean's cheek as his eyes flicked black and back to green a few times.

The room grew silent and Dean struggled less, until he was completely still. His eyes closed a few moments before Sam declared he was done. He drew the tool from Dean's neck, placing gauze over the wound. He placed the tool on the table and took a few shaky steps away.

"He made it," Sam said. He looked at Cas who was looking down at Dean, his hands still on Dean's face.

"Thank god," Julianne said from where she stood. She had never heard a human make such a noise before, well, outside of horror movies. It was terrifying.

Sam went to her and took her into his arms. "You ready to run away screaming yet?"

"Nope," she replied, wrapping her arms around him.

He held her closer. It felt good to have someone in a moment like this. In a moment where his nerves were shot. "He survived," he whispered to her.

He squeezed him a bit. "I know," she whispered back, as she stroked his hair. "How do we know if it worked?" she asked.

….

Once she asked the question, Cas went around the table to see. He looked down at Dean's right arm for a moment, unable to say anything. "Is it gone?" he heard Sam ask.

Cas stroked his fingertips on the skin where the mark had once been. He couldn't believe it. "Its…gone," he said out loud. He looked up into Sam's relieved face. "It's really gone."

**I hope you have all enjoyed the chapter. Reviews and Comments are appreciated. Thanks :D**


	20. Where We Stand

**Disclaimer! I do not own Supernatural or its characters. All credit go to the wonderful creators** **of Supernatural and its actors.**

Sam looked over at Dean when his arm moved. He stood, going to his brother, and waited patiently for Dean to come to. He didn't have to wait long before Dean's eyes opened.

"How are you feeling?" Sam asked, suddenly very tired now that Dean was awake. Which made sense, since it was about three in the morning.

Dean looked up at Sam and could see the worry in his eyes. He hated when Sam worried for him. It wasn't Sam's job to worry for him. It was his job to worry for Sam. He considered the question. He felt okay. His neck was sore, along with his marked arm, but other than that he felt good. Did that mean? Was the mark gone? "Is it?" Dean asked. He licked his dry lips. He needed something to drink.

Sam smiled a smile so sincere it reached his eyes. "It's gone, Dean. The grace worked." Sam embraced Dean tightly. He couldn't be more thrilled that this was finally over. Dean was free. After a moment he pulled away.

Speaking of grace, where was Cas? Dean licked his lips again and swallowed. He winced slightly. He really needed that water. Slowly he sat up, looking around the dark room. He could see Julianne and Cas both asleep against the far wall.

"I tried to tell them to go to bed, but they both refused. Cas wanted to be here when you woke." Sam smiled at Dean. "Julie said she was too worried about you to go to bed. They both crashed about twenty minutes ago." Sam waited a beat. "You never answered my question."

Dean looked at Sam. "I feel…good," Dean replied. For once it was actually the truth. "I don't think I've felt this at peace for over a year." He gave Sam a smile. "I feel like me."

Sam returned the smile. "That's great!" Sam said, enthused. He had a small worry that this wasn't truly over, but Dean feeling like this was a good sign. Finally, something good.

"You look tired, Sammy," Dean said after a moment. "I could use some sleep myself."

Sam nodded. "Yeah, I should get Julie to bed." Sam stood, stretching as he did so. He followed Dean's gaze, and realized that he was watching Cas. He watched Dean watch Cas for a moment. "Dean are you…" Sam shook his head when Dean looked at him. "Never mind." This probably wasn't the time anyway. Sam placed his hand on his Dean's shoulder. "I'm glad you're back."

Dean wondered what Sam was going to say, but he shrugged it off. He was too tired to push the issue right now. He slowly got off the table, noticing Sam was ready to catch him if needed. Luckily he felt steady on his feet. He looked down at his arm, and just stared at the spot where the mark had once been. He ran his fingers over the part of his arm that used to bear the mark. It was truly gone.

Once Sam was sure Dean was steady on his feet, he walked over to Julianne. Dean watched as Sam lifted her into his arms. He heard her mumble something, and Sam reply softly. Sam looked over at Dean. "Night."

"Night," Dean replied. He waited a couple moments after Sam left before he crossed the room to Cas. He bent down, balancing on his heels, and watched Cas sleep a moment. Part of him wanted to lift Cas into his arms the way Sam had done with Julianne, and normally he would be able to, but not tonight. He wasn't sure he wouldn't accidently drop him.

He reached out, and stroked Cas' cheek with the back of his fingers. He did that until Cas' eyes fluttered opened. The moment he opened his eyes fully, Cas sat up straight. "You're awake! How are you feeling? Is the mark still gone?" Cas grabbed at Dean's arm to look at it. His concern made Dean chuckle a little.

"I'm fine, Cas. I feel like a new man," Dean said, with a smile. "It's late. You should get to bed." Dean helped Cas up from the floor.

Cas took Dean's hand. "I was very worried about you." He looked up into Dean's eyes and felt overwhelmed with an emotion he couldn't explain. Or maybe it was more than one emotion, and that's where the confusion was coming from. Cas squeezed Dean's hand. "Can I stay in your room tonight? I promise I will be out before Sam wakes in the morning."

Dean squeezed Cas' hand back. He hated that he needed Cas to keep them private, but loved that Cas understood. He really truly understood him, and Dean wasn't used to that. Not in a love interest anyway. "I would like that," Dean replied. He heard Cas let out a huff of breath, and realized that Cas had been holding it.

"Did you think I would say no?" Dean asked. He realized now that Cas' expression was one of uncertainty.

"I'm not always sure that this is really for real. I mean us. I'm worried that you will come to your senses and realize what you are doing. I'm scared that you will realize you don't want me," Cas had to look away. He'd had this fear for days.

Dean took Cas' chin in his hand, and made Cas look at him. He couldn't believe that Cas had this fear. But he guessed Cas had no way of knowing the way he felt. Cas had no way of knowing that he was head over heels for him. "Don't you ever think for one moment that I don't want you. I would be crazy not to want you." Dean placed a kiss on Cas' lips. "I had a hard time accepting that I was falling for you. I won't lie to you about it, but I want you. I need you, and I don't want you to worry. I couldn't go anywhere. even if I wanted to, which I don't."

This made Cas feel a little better. "I love you."

Dean smiled at Cas. "Let's go to bed."

Cas nodded in agreement and yawned as Dean led the way to his room. Water and sleep were definitely on the menu.

…..

Cas woke a few hours later and just laid there for a moment. He knew he needed to get to his own room, but he really didn't want to get out of the warm bed. He looked at Dean and had to smile; he looked peaceful for once. Usually Dean fidgeted in his sleep, but tonight he was still, quiet. Cas wondered what he was dreaming about. It was odd knowing that he would never be able to get into Dean's dreams again.

He reached over and ran his finger down Dean's nose. Dean woke quickly, jerking away and reaching for the knife on his bedside table. He paused the second he took Cas in and took a calming breath.

Cas had sat up quickly, startled by Dean's response, though he probably shouldn't have been. He held his hands up in surrender. "It's just me," he said.

Dean nodded. He hated that he reacted like that sometimes when he was being woken up, but he couldn't help it. "I know," Dean replied. "Sorry," he added. God, how many times had he had to apologize to Lisa for that? Eventually, she insisted on the knife being left in the bottom of their top dresser drawer. He didn't like it, but he was afraid he would end up stabbing her one night.

Cas moved so he was sitting next to him. "I'm going to go to my room. I figure Sam will most likely be up soon."

Dean looked over his shoulder to the time. It was nine, and he knew Cas was right. "Yeah, okay." Dean said, rubbing the side of his face. He really didn't want Cas to go.

Cas leaned over, giving Dean a gentle kiss. Dean leaned into it, deepening it. He was surprised when he felt Cas' tongue touch his bottom lip. Dean pulled away slightly. "Besides that angel chick, have you been with anyone else?" Dean finally asked. He had no idea what Cas' answer was going to be, and part of him was afraid to know. The idea of Cas being with anyone else really made him mad.

Cas gave Dean a worried look. Why did he want to know? Was he a bad kisser? "No," Cas replied, feeling his blood rushing to his face. The look on Dean's face confused him. "Why?" he asked.

Dean kissed Cas again before answering. "Good, because the idea of you being with anyone else makes me jealous."

Cas smiled. He liked the idea of Dean being jealous. He kissed Dean, moving so that Dean was on his back, and he was leaning on Dean's chest. He felt Dean nibble his bottom lip and that drove him crazy. He realized that he was aroused, again, and he suddenly hated the fact that they were both clothed. He was also afraid of taking things too quickly for Dean.

So he decided he would go slow. That seemed to work out well the first time. He moved his hand under Dean's shirt. He loved the feel of Dean. His hard muscles. His rough skin marked with scars. He supposed most men liked the softness of a woman, but he craved what was under him. He craved Dean.

He could feel Dean's heart quicken under his hand, and the kisses turned less lazy and more urgent. Dean's arms came around him, holding him closer.

Cas knew what he wanted to try. He had seen it once while he was human, but he wasn't sure how Dean would feel about it. He wasn't sure if it was something Dean would like, but he wanted to try. He was sure Dean would stop him if he didn't like it. His already racing heart sped up more from nerves.

Cas moved his hand back down Dean's stomach and wrapped his fingers around the bottom of Deans shirt. He pulled the shirt up over Dean's head. Cas was surprised when Dean grabbed at his shirt, pulling it off him as well. He liked the way Dean was looking at him.

Cas took Dean's mouth with his own again, before kissing along his jaw line, and down the side of his neck. He felt Dean's soft moan more than heard it, and took that as a sign to continue. He kissed at Dean's neck while his nervous hand found the waistband of Dean's night pants. He found Dean, hard and ready. He rubbed his palm over him, and even though it was on top if Dean's pants, Dean still let out another soft moan.

Cas moved so he was more on top of Dean and started to kiss down his chest, his stomach. Cas kissed Dean's belly button and lingered there a moment. He looked up at Dean who was looking down at him. He didn't look worried, so Cas continued down.

Cas paused again at the waistband. He hoped he could do this right. He pulled at Dean's pants, freeing Dean's hardness. Cas continued to kiss the skin around Dean's cock, giving him time to object. When he didn't, Cas kissed the soft skin of Dean's cock. He looked up at Dean's face as he did so, and took the fact that Dean was now licking his bottom lip as a good sign to go on.

Cas kissed up Dean's shaft until he got to his tip. Cas paused just a moment before slipping Dean's cock into his mouth. Dean shuddered under him, and that sent a thrill through him. Cas moved his head, the way he had seen it done, using the flat of his tongue on Dean as he did so. Dean moved his hips, ever so slightly.

Cas was thrilled that Dean was enjoying this. He also found that he liked doing it. He could feel Dean pulse in his mouth and knew that Dean was close, so he started to move quicker. Dean's fingers grabbed at his hair, sending another thrill though him. He really liked doing this. He loved the way Dean moved under him. Dean's breath seemed to catch in his throat, and his hands dug into the bed. Dean's head fell back, and his moans filled the room as warm jets filled Cas' mouth. Cas made sure to catch every drop.

Cas pulled away after a moment, and their eyes met. Dean looked shocked, and that confused Cas a little. "What?" he asked after a moment. Had he done something wrong?

"That was... amazing." Dean replied. He also couldn't believe that Cas let him come into his mouth, but he wasn't going to say so. He couldn't take his eyes off of Cas, who was flushed and looked super sexy with his hair all a mess and his lips slightly parted.

Cas looked away as he blushed. He was overjoyed that Dean enjoyed it. He felt Dean's fingers take his chin, and Dean pressed his lips to his. "I love it when you blush," Dean whispered. He pressed his lips to Cas' again. He ran a hand down Cas' back and loved the way Cas shuddered, and suddenly he felt the need to pleasure Cas the way he had been pleasured. No, he wasn't ready for oral. He wasn't even ready for intercourse, but he was positive he could handle some hand action.

He moved his hand from the small of Cas back, to his stomach where he rested his hand for a moment. He hated that he was a little shaky, but this was all new to him. He continued to kiss Cas as his hand snaked down farther on Cas' lean stomach, until he found the tips of his fingers under the waistband of Cas' pants. Cas had gone completely still.

Dean had to stop there for a moment. Shit, he was nervous. What if he was bad at it? Sure, he could pleasure himself, but he had never pleasured another man before. Before he could think on it too much he moved Cas' pants so that they were out of the way.

Dean's hand lingered for a moment, before he gently took Cas into his hand. Cas gasped, and his head fell back, exposing his neck to Dean. Dean kissed his neck, as he slowly started to stroke him. Cas moaned, and the sound made Dean hard all over again. He loved the sound of Cas' moans. He loved the feel of the stubble on his lips as he kissed Cas' jaw. He loved the feel of Cas in his hand, and he loved the way Cas moved his hips in response to what he was doing. Even more, he was completely and madly in love with Cas.

….

Dean watched as Cas fell back to sleep. He knew he should wake him up, but he looked too peaceful. He would wake him in a little bit. They would sneak him out if they had to. He kissed the tip of Cas' nose before rolling out of the bed, pulling his pants on. It took him a moment to find his shirt. After pulling it on, he left the room. He needed a drink.

Dean opened the fridge. He smiled at its contents. There was Pepsi in there, along with milk and orange juice. Julianne must have gone to the store. If soda was in the bunker it was usually Coke, and Dean couldn't remember the last time there was milk in their fridge. The orange juice was only ever on occasions.

Dean grabbed the orange juice, and pulled it out. That's when he saw the grape juice. His smile widened as he switched the orange out for the grape. He loved grape juice and couldn't fathom why they never bought any.

Sam walked into the kitchen as he was pouring the juice into the second cup. Crap, Sam would notice the second glass. "Hey," he said to him.

"How are you feeling?" Sam asked. He pulled milk from the fridge, and pulled down two glasses. As Dean knew he would, Sam spotted the second glass of juice.

"I feel great," Dean said, meaning it. Between the best sleep he has had in forever and this morning's activities he was feeling high on life.

"Good." Sam replaced the milk in the fridge. "Julianne wants to know what we want for dinner," Sam said with a laugh.

"She doesn't have to cook every night. We can have sandwiches," Dean replied. He didn't want her thinking she had to look after them, because that wasn't the case.

"Don't let her hear you say that. It's exactly what I said, and she scolded me. She wants to cook. She likes having people to cook for." Sam shrugged at Dean's look of wonder. "I think she feels like it's the least she could do. She has felt useless these past few days." Sam shook his head. "I told her that her being here has made all the difference to me." Sam looked at the second glass. He'd seen both Dean and Cas go into Dean's room last night, and never heard the door open again. Had Cas stayed the night in there?

"You think she will stay? Now that she knows how crazy shit can get?" Dean asked. He was worried that she would leave Sam. A small part of him was afraid Cas would leave him for similar reasons. Which was stupid because Cas knew what their lives were like.

"I hope not. She says she's in this for the long haul, but I keep expecting her to come to her senses and run for the hills," Sam replied. He ran his hands through his hair.

Dean nodded as he picked up the glasses. Yeah, he felt the same way about Cas. What if Cas realized just how messed up he was and discovered the truth of him being able to do better? Cas deserved more than he could give him.

"Dean," Sam said, stopping him before he left. Dean turned toward Sam. Sam looked a little uncomfortable. "What?" he asked.

Sam almost backed down, but he needed to know the truth or the wondering was going to drive him crazy. "Are you…um." Sam paused a moment. If he was wrong about this Dean was going to kill him. "Are you and Cas…a thing?"

Dean stood there in shock. He had thought they had been good at keeping it a secret, but he must have been wrong. He was going to deny it. He was going to laugh and say, "Good one, Sam." However he realized he couldn't. He couldn't tell Sam there was nothing going on. Telling Sam he wasn't in love with Cas just seemed so wrong.

"Yeah, whatever," he replied, cockily. Sam's eyes widened in shock. Dean shrugged. "Don't make a big deal of it." With that, he walked from the room, leaving his shocked brother behind him.

* * *

**One month later**

"Looks like witchcraft," Sam said, as Dean looked over his shoulder, looking over the article Sam had found.

"Sure sounds like our kind of gig," Dean agreed. It would be their first since Dean was cured. Cured, Dean still couldn't believe it. He felt like himself. He could get annoyed without killing someone, and it was the best feeling in the world. Okay, so it was the second best. Cas being in his life came first.

Both the guys looked up when they heard the laughter, and a few seconds later Cas and Julianne arrived in the study. The two were getting along well, and that pleased both Sam and Dean.

"What's funny?" Sam asked them. He smiled at Julianne, and she blushed slightly.

"I was just telling Cas about a time when I was younger. My cousin and I got into a lot of trouble together," She giggled. "There is a family reunion in a few days. I just got the invite through email. I'm going." She sat in the chair across from Sam. "Would you come? Grandma wants to see you again." Julianne looked over at Dean. "You and Cas should come too. You are family after all."

"We may not be back by then, but if we are, I would love to go with you." Sam really did want to meet her family. He wanted to encourage her to stay in contact with them. He didn't want her to lose them because she chose to be with him.

Her brow pulled together as Cas walked around the table and looked at the screen. "Where are you going?" she asked. She didn't have to ask why. She knew that sooner or later Sam would leave for a hunt. She tried not to be nervous about it. After all they had been doing it for years and they have survived. Still, she had started reading the "Supernatural" series and even though she was only a few books in, she already knew they had many close calls.

"Sounds like a witch. When do we leave?" Cas asked. Dean looked at him quickly with a look of alarm. The expression surprised Cas. What had he said to deserve that look?

"We aren't going anywhere," Dean said, pointing between Sam, Cas and himself. "Sam and I will be leaving shortly after we get our stuff together."

Cas looked at him, his mouth slightly open in shock. "I'm going, Dean. You don't get to dictate what I can and can't do."

"You're human now, Cas. I have to protect you. You can't go," Dean said, his tone stern.

"I'm going to go get ready," Sam said, excusing himself. He took Julianne's hand as he walked by. She looked over her shoulder to them, but followed Sam out.

Cas looked daggers at Dean, his face a mask of anger. "I can still hunt, Dean. Being human doesn't mean I get left behind while you two hunt. I want to help." He was honestly surprised that Dean was acting like this. He hadn't thought Dean would demand he stay behind.

"You will just get in the way, Cas." Dean turned from him. He didn't feel good about fighting with Cas, but he couldn't let Cas be in harm's way. He wouldn't have it. He shut the laptop to give his hands something to do.

He had expected Cas to say something, so when there was silence he looked over at Cas, and he looked like Dean slapped him. "I didn't realize I was such an awful fighter. I haven't won any battles or anything. Maybe I will take up knitting and baking cookies. Would that be okay? Or would you rather it be crocheting and pies? Please, Darling, tell me what to do!" Cas' words were sharp, and his voice rose with the last few words.

Dean let out a frustrated sigh. He didn't mean to sound demanding or to hurt Cas' feelings. Shit this was all coming out wrong. He ran his hand down his face. "Cas, I didn't mean it like that. I know damn well you can fight. I just meant that you will distract me. I would be so worried about you that I wouldn't be able to think straight. If something were to happen…" Dean shook his head slightly. Just thinking about it made his chest ache.

"I am NOT a child you can command, Dean. I was an angel of god, and just because I've lost my wings, it doesn't change who I am." Cas crossed his arms as he spoke. "If I want to go hunting, I will damn well go hunting." Cas walked away. He needed a moment to calm down.

Dean stood completely still. Cas was right, of course, but he wasn't going to say so. He couldn't command Cas to do anything. Cas wasn't some frightened housewife. He was as much a warrior as Dean was. Fear settled in his chest as he tried to accept the truth of Cas' words. Dean looked at the ground, his mind running through endless scenarios in which Cas ends up hurt…or worse. Dean swallowed hard and closed his eyes. Oh god, why had he fallen in love with an angel?

….

Sam pulled out his backpack. Usually they had their stuff already packed and ready to go, but Sam put his stuff away after Dean agreed to give it three weeks before they hit the road again. Sam put the bag on the bed next to Julianne, who watched him as he roamed around the room.

She picked up the first book she had read on their lives and frowned. Jess had been the first woman he had really loved, and she was taken from him. She had cried when Jess died, her heart breaking for Sam. "Do you think you would have ever told her about all of this? I mean, if she had lived?"

For a moment Sam gave her a questioning look, but once he saw the book he knew exactly what she was talking about. He stuffed a few shirts into his pack, before taking the book from her and sitting down. "I never wanted to. I wanted to keep her out of this life. Just like the book says." Sam sighed. He had read this one a few times. "She was like a bright light in all the darkness. She held my hand and told me things I needed to hear. Things my father and Dean couldn't understand I needed. She was innocent and saw the beauty in the world around her. She didn't fear the dark. I loved her, and I didn't want to take all that away from her." Sam shook his head. "No, I don't think I would have ever voluntarily told her the truth. Just like I never wanted you to know the truth. It was a reality I ran far away from, and wanted nothing to do with. I wanted to be a lawyer. Just a simple somebody who got married and had babies. She would have made a great mother." Sam sighed. Even after all this time, losing her still hurt.

He looked at her when her thumb wiped at his cheek. It was then he realized he was crying. "Shit," he said standing. "You probably don't want to hear how much I loved someone else. I'm sorry." He did love Jess, but now he had Julianne, who reminded him of Jess in some ways, but was so different in others.

She gave him a small smile. "Don't be. How can I be mad because you've loved before? I cried like a baby when she died, and that's even knowing that if she were still alive she would be by your side instead of me." Julianne stood, going over to the dresser and pulling out the framed picture of Jess and placing it back on the dresser where she was sure it once sat. She had run into it a few days ago when she was putting the laundry away. "She is a part of your past. A beautiful part. Don't hide her because I'm here now."

Sam just looked at her in awe. He felt so much love for the woman in front of him he couldn't believe he didn't blow up with it. He took her into his arms, kissing her on the forehead. God he loved her. "You're my light now." he said, needing to reassure her that he loved her as much as he had loved Jess. Maybe even more in some ways. He pulled away to look at her. "I love you, Julie. I wish you could feel how much I love you."

She smiled and touched her hand to Sam's face. "I know you do. You prove it to me all the time." She stood on her tippy toes and kissed him lightly on the lips. "I love you too."

Sam finished packing and took her hand. "Any other questions?" he asked her.

"Only one," she replied with a smile. "When do I get to the parts where you're full frontal?"

Sam laughed. "You naughty girl," he teased.

She laughed. "You have no idea," she said with a wink.

"I have a few," Sam said, pulling her close. He ran his fingers down her back and she shuddered in his arms. "In fact," he said, kissing her deep. "I think we have time for me to prove just how dirty you can be."

…..

Dean wasn't sure how long he stood where Cas had left him, but he had to get his stuff together, so he slowly made his way to their room. He thought about fighting Cas on it more, but all that would do is piss them both off more.

Cas was in the room, and Dean wanted to scream when he saw the packed bag on the bed. He closed his eyes as he heart raced in his chest. Cas has done this before. He could take care of himself. At least that's what Dean was trying to make himself believe. He went to the dresser, opening his drawer to pull out a few shirts.

"Dean," Cas said. from the bed.

Dean spun around. He was going to yell again. He had to somehow get his point across. Cas had to understand that he couldn't live without him. He couldn't go on if anything ever happened to him, but the words caught in his throat. Cas looked resolved. He wasn't going to stay behind. "Please, Baby," Dean said, his voice breaking. He had never called Cas that before. He wanted to fall to his knees and beg, but he refused too.

"I have a right to go," Cas replied. His heart broke a little. Dean had never called him baby before; he liked it.

Dean closed his eyes. "You do," he agreed, even though he wanted to fight him on it.

"You can't make me stay behind," Cas added.

Dean took a deep breath in. "No," he replied, looking away. He hated this. He hated that Cas was right. "I can't." At least not without tying him down, which he would do, but then Cas would forever hate him and he couldn't stand that thought.

"I packed for you," Cas said, motioning to the bag on the bed.

Dean looked at him confused. "Wait." Was Cas' saying what he thought he was saying? "Are you saying you'll stay?" Dean tried not to be to hopeful, but the relief was already replacing the sickening fear.

Cas stood, going to Dean and taking his hand. "I can't have you distracted while you're in a fight. I would have stayed behind just fine if you had asked. I just don't want you to think you get to make choices for me. I will sit this one out, but in the future I get to decide, okay?"

Dean could live with that. Maybe he could convince Cas to sit them all out, but he could just take it one hunt at a time. He pulled Cas into a hug. "Thank you."

Cas returned it. "Make sure my heart comes back alive," Cas replied. He was terrified of letting Dean walk out of this room, but he had to. A hunter was who Dean was, and the innocents needed him.

"You make sure mine is here when I get home," Dean replied. He kissed Cas for a long moment. It was only with Cas he felt like he could let his emotions flow. Here he felt like he could say anything, and Cas would never judge him for it.

"I will be back as soon as I can," Dean said, after a few more kisses. He threw the bag over his shoulder, and looked at Cas. He beckoned Cas to him and placed another kiss on his lips. He didn't like leaving Cas. "Wanna walk me out?" He could use that last few minutes with him.

Those few minutes turned into thirty before Sam emerged into the garage, Julianne at his side. It didn't take long to figure out that they had sex. "Well if I had known there was enough time for sex, I would have taken advantage of that." Dean teased. Julianne blushed, and looked away.

"Shut up, Dean," Sam murmured. He threw his stuff in the trunk, and kissed Julianne again.

Dean watched his little brother. Honestly, he and Cas hadn't actually "had sex" yet. Sure they have done hand jobs and Cas had gone down on him, but that was it. It's not that Dean didn't want to, he wanted everything with Cas. He was just hesitant. He had no idea what to do, and that made him nervous. He looked over at Cas. The man was a marvel to him. His blue eyes, bluer than the ocean, his dark hair, currently messy. Dean liked Cas in jeans and a T-shirt. He liked what was under all that as well.

He shook his head. He needed to not think of that at the moment. This wasn't the time to be horny. He grabbed Cas' hand and for the first time ever, he placed a kiss on Cas' lips in front of Sam and Julianne. "Don't forget me while I'm gone," Dean said, jokingly, though deep down he was terrified Cas would realize he could do better.

"Not likely," Cas replied, a smile on his face. He was too aware that this was the first time Dean had shown him affection when anyone was around.

They guys climbed into the car, and too soon the roar of Baby filled the garage and they were gone.

Julianne sighed and Cas took her hand. "They will be fine," he reassured her.

She smiled at him as she nodded. "I know, but that doesn't mean I won't worry." She gave his hand a squeeze before letting it go.

Cas followed her in, knowing exactly how she was feeling.

 

**I hope you have all enjoyed the chapter. Reviews and Comments are appreciated. Thanks :D**


	21. Declairing Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I juts wanted to let you all know that this is the last chapter in this story. I do plan on writing a sequel, but i am unsure how soon i will be able to get that started. Thank you to all who have read, and to those who have left comments and kudos. It really means the world to me. Enjoy :D

**Disclaimer! I do not own Supernatural or its characters. All credit go to the wonderful creators** **of Supernatural and its actors.**

**Two weeks later**

Dean hauled ass down the freeway. It was six at night, and if they didn't dick around they would be home by eleven the next night. Dean felt stupid for it, but he couldn't wait to get home to Cas. The case had been more complicated than they had anticipated, and they were gone for two damn weeks. He had said it before and he will say it again, he freaking hates witches.

They drove in silence for a few hours, Sam dozing in his seat. Sam took a deep breath, telling Dean he was now awake. "Morning, Sammy," Dean said, a smile on his face.

"Are we going to stop at all?" Sam asked, looking at the time. It was a little past one AM. Dean had already been driving for seven hours, and they had been up since four the morning before. He wanted to get home just as much as Dean, but Dean would have to sleep sooner or later.

"Nope, you're going to sleep now, then later I will sleep and you can drive," Dean said, the smile never leaving his face.

Sam had to smile too. Dean had been on a happy high since they'd started home. He couldn't remember a time Dean was this happy to be going to the bunker. He guessed that's what happened when you had someone at home waiting for you.

"So where did you go yesterday?" Sam asked. Dean had disappeared for a few hours. Usually he would chalk it up to a one night stand type deal, but now that Cas was in the picture, Sam was sure Dean wouldn't be out getting laid.

"Just out," Dean replied, as he thought back to the night before…

_Dean walked up to the bar, taking a seat. The bar tender looked over at him, and he seemed to give him the once over, before walking over to him. "What can I getcha?" he asked, a smile on his face._

_"A beer's good," Dean replied. He wasn't looking to get hammered. Technically they were still on the job, but Sam was doing research and would call if he figured anything out. Dean's head was thousands of miles away. Cas was on his mind, more specifically, taking it to the next level with Cas was on his mind._

_"Here ya go," the bartender said, placing down a small napkin. "This one's on the house," he added, placing down the beer._

_Dean's brow pulled together. Okay, it was not uncommon for the women to give him free beers, but this was new. Dean lifted the beer, and noticed a name and number on the napkin. Yep, the guy was definitely hitting on him. He wasn't sure how to handle that, so he ignored it._

_After James, the bartender, took care of everyone else, he circled back to Dean. "How's it going?" he asked, his tone flirty._

_"Good," Dean replied. He really wasn't paying much attention to the man, who said something flirty. Dean's mind was focused on the problem at hand. He wanted to take the next step with Cas. He wanted to be more intimate, but he wasn't sure how. He knew nothing about having sex with another guy._

_"I get off in an hour, if you want, we could sit and have a drink." James said. Dean had no idea what he had said before that, but this he caught._

_"I'm flattered, really." Dean paused a moment, as a thought occurred to him. This guy was flirting with him. That meant he was gay, and that meant he would know about having sex with guys. Dean fidgeted on the stool, and looked down at his beer. "Could." Was he really going to ask a stranger about this? "Could I ask you a question?" Dean looked up at the confused man._

_"Sure," James replied, drawing out the word in a questioning tone._

_"So, I've got this... I'm not…" Dean cleared his throat. God, how was he going to get through this. He looked away nervously, then looked back. James cocked his head to the side, waiting patiently for Dean to continue. Dean scratched his head, then wiped at his face. "I've been with many women, but recently…look, I've got this best friend and he is great and…Well I..." Dean let out a nervous sound._

_"You've started to fall for him," James offered._

_"Okay, yes." Dean nodded his head. "So I guess what I'm asking. I mean, I've been with lots of women." Dean shifted in his seat again. "I want…I don't." Okay, this wasn't going well. Damn him, he never should have brought it up._

_"You want to know how to…" James seemed to search for the right words. "Love a man?" he said, emphasizing the word love, so Dean understood what he meant by it._

_"Right," Dean said, clearing his throat. "Exactly."_

_James gave Dean a smile, and Dean was glad that he didn't seem to offend the man at all. "I get off in an hour. How about we get a bite to eat, and I will do my best to answer any questions you might have."_

_"Sure, okay," Dean replied. He drank down the rest of his beer, and tried to prepare himself for the awkwardness he was about to endure. He took a deep breath, this was way out of his element, but he wanted to love Cas, and he wanted to do it right…_

Dean shook his head, coming back to the present. Yeah, there was no way he was telling Sam he had talked to a guy about sex. Nope, not happening.

Sam kept glancing at Dean. "What?" he asked, annoyed. He hated when Sam did that.

Sam didn't want to think that Dean was with someone else, but Dean's reluctance to tell him where he was gave him room to worry. "Look, I don't want to overstep, but if you were with someone last night…Cas doesn't deserve that, Dean. He trusts you."

Dean glanced over at Sam. Was he really thinking he was w _ith s_ omeone last night? "Whoa, I wasn't out whoring. I just…look I needed advice for something, and I found someone to get it from. That's all. I wouldn't hurt Cas like that, man."

"Good," Sam replied. "Why didn't you asked me? I'm known to give good advice on occasion."

Dean let out quick laugh. "Trust me, this isn't something you know anything about."

"Well, how do you know?" Sam asked. He felt a little hurt that Dean didn't come to him first.

"Sam, It has to do with Cas," Dean said, praying Sam would understand.

"Oh," Sam said in a breathy whisper. He cleared his throat. "I see," he added. He shifted in his seat. Yeah, that he wouldn't know anything about.

"So, did it help?" Sam asked, curiously. It was a little weird, but he didn't want Dean to think he couldn't talk about him and Cas with him.

"Sam," Dean complained. "Do we have to talk about this?"

"Look, I just want you to know you can talk about it. If you ever need to. Just because you're with Cas, it doesn't mean you can't confide in me, okay?"

"Yeah, whatever." Dean turned up the radio in true Dean fashion, causing Sam to laugh and shake his head. Dean smiled along. He was secretly glad that Sam had given him the green light to talk to him about Cas if needed. Not that he was sure he ever would, but the option was there.

…..

Dean was so excited to be home he felt ridiculous. He hated being away from Cas, and the sight of the bunker nearly made him weep. Julie ran into Sam's arms, and Dean watched with a smile on his face as they held each other close. He could hear the soft hum of her speaking, but he couldn't make out her words. This was fine with him, they were meant for Sammy and Sammy only.

Julianne looked over Sam's shoulder to Dean and gave him a smile. "Cas passed out on the sofa," she told him.

This made Dean smile. They got home later then he wanted to, so this didn't surprise him. Cas was always up with the sun, and most nights asleep by ten and no later than midnight.

Dean made is way to the TV room. From the door he could see the TV on and Cas' feet hanging off the end of the sofa. Dean went to the front of the sofa, and smiled down at his sleeping boyfriend. No, boyfriend didn't seem to be a strong enough word for what Cas was to him. Cas was far more precious to him than he could ever put into words.

Dean crouched down, just watching Cas sleep. He couldn't help the smile on his lips. How had he gone his whole life without Cas? How had he spent these past few years not seeing Cas for what he truly was? Cas was the holder of his heart, and there is no way he could deny that now.

Dean placed a soft kiss on Cas' slightly parted lips. Cas' eyes shot open, and the moment he took in Dean, he smiled. "Welcome home," he whispered, his voice heavy with sleep. He smiled a smile that warmed Dean's heart. Cas reached out sleepily for Dean's hand. Dean took his wandering hand and gave it a light squeeze before kissing his knuckles lightly.

"Come to bed," Dean said, standing. He kept Cas' hand as he stood.

"How'd it go? Was it the guy you thought?" Cas' asked, as Dean lead him from the room.

"Actually no, but we can talk about it in the morning." Dean loved how close Cas stood next to him as they entered the study.

"Night guys," Sam called out to them as they walked by. He had his face in a book, and Julianne was standing over him, looking in the book as well. "That's Aunt Lauran," Julianne said, with a smile, pointing at a picture. Sam laughed at something, and asked who someone was, and Julianne laughed too, saying that it was her cousin Brit's children, Heath and Carly. From what Dean could gather they were both still in diapers.

"Night," Dean replied, as he walked down the hall that led to the bedrooms.

Once they were alone in the hall, Cas snuggled even closer to Dean, so that Dean's arm was round him, and he was tucked into the safety of Dean's side. "I've missed you," Cas' confessed. He hated the weeks that Dean had been gone.

"I've missed you too, Baby," Dean replied, placing a kiss on Cas' temple.

He followed Cas into the bedroom, and the moment the door was closed, Dean pulled Cas to him, placing a kiss on his lips. He placed his hand on Cas' hips, pulling them close to him. He deepened the kiss, allowing all his emotions through. His heart pounded in his chest. He knew he wanted this, but that didn't mean it didn't scare the hell out of him.

"I want you, Cas," Dean whispered as he placed a kiss close to Cas' ear. "I want to enter you," he added, as he hands roamed up to the small of Cas' back. He heard Cas' breath catch in his throat, and he pulled back so he could see Cas' face. He was worried that maybe Cas wouldn't want to, but the look on his face was one of surprise, not disapproval.

They just looked at each other for a moment. Dean took Cas' chin in his hand, running his thumb lightly over Cas lips. "Do you want that, Cas?" Dean asked, suddenly very nervous to know the answer.

Cas' blue eyes seemed to look deep into his. Cas reached up, wrapping his arms around Dean's neck, kissing Dean deeply. "Yes," he replied in a breathy whisper. His own heart was fluttering against his chest.

Dean's hands roamed down Cas' side, finding his hips again, squeezing them lightly. He hated that his hands shook, but he would just have to work with it. He had gotten this far with Cas many times at this point, none of this was new. But he had never done this with the intention of going all the way.

He shuddered as he felt Cas' hands run down his back, finding the ends of his shirt and pulling it off over his head. Cas' eyes roamed over him before kissing him again. God, he loved it when Cas looked at him like that.

Dean pulled away, leading Cas over to the bed, removing Cas' shirt, before laying him back. He wanted to do this right. In the past, Cas was always the one to start it. Cas was always the one to be intimate. It's not that he hadn't wanted to, but he just needed time. Tonight, it was his turn to show Cas how he truly felt. It was his turn to taste him.

Dean laid next to him, running his fingers lightly down the center of Cas' chest, and down his stomach. Cas watched him, his blue eyes dark with lust. A look that made Dean's already hardening cock lengthen. Dean followed Cas' happy trail to exactly where he wanted to be. He grabbed Cas, over his flannel sleep pants and Cas' hips rocked, a soft moan escaped his lips. The sound made Dean's hardness throb.

Dean stroked him over his pants a few times, loving the feel of Cas moving against his hand. He moved his hand and loved the sound of protest. "You are so beautiful," Dean whispered into Cas ear, then took his lobe into his mouth, lightly nibbling it, as his hand found Cas' nipple. He ran the tip of his index finger around it, feeling it harden.

He moved, taking Cas' lips with his own, running his tongue along Cas' bottom lip. Cas' hands roamed down Dean's back, grabbing onto the top of Dean's jeans. Were they really going to go all the way? Cas wondered. The idea drove him crazy.

Dean kissed Cas' throat, sucking and licking at the sensitive skin there. He could feel the vibrations of Cas' soft moans. Dean moved from there, kissing and licking his way down. He teased Cas' nipple with his tongue, before sucking on it.

Dean looked up and loved the look of pure pleasure on his lover's face. Cas was truly beautiful like this. Dean let his fingers dance down Cas' stomach, as he scraped his teeth lightly on Cas' nipple. This time, Dean slipped his hand under Cas' pants, quickly finding his hard cock. Dean ran his fingers teasingly from the base to the tip, loving the sounds coming from Cas.

After a few more teasing touches, Dean grabbed onto him, stroking his length. Cas' hips moved with him, trying to get more than what Dean was giving him. Dean gave him what he was asking for, working him quicker and quicker, getting him close before stopping. There was a groan of protest that made Dean smile.

Dean took Cas' nipple into his mouth again, before making his way farther down, using his tongue to tease Cas on his way down. He nipped at Cas' hip bone as he grabbed the waist of Cas' pants, pulling them down and off.

He looked down at Cas, who was now completely naked, and Dean's cock pulsed. Two years ago if someone told him that he would be totally hot for another man, he would have laughed in their face. Now? Now he wasn't sure how he had ever managed to look at Cas and not get hard. Cas was perfect.

"Dean?" Cas asked, his voice deep.

Dean looked at Cas' face. It was then he realized he had been staring a Cas' cock. Not that he was an expert, but it was a perfectly shaped cock, resting proudly on Cas' stomach. The skin there was soft, and Dean liked the feel of Cas in his hand more than he had ever thought possible. And it was all his.

Cas shifted so that he was up on his elbows. He wanted to cover himself up, Dean had never looked at him so intensely before. What if he didn't like what he saw? "We don't have to do this," Cas said, moving to pull the covers over him. "I'm okay with taking it slow, Dean," he added honestly. He was okay with taking everything at a pace Dean was comfortable with. He was content just sleeping beside Dean.

Dean realized that Cas was trying to cover himself up, and his brow pulled together, as he stopped him. "What are you doing?" he asked Cas.

Cas blushed, and looked away shyly. "You're looking at me funny. I just don't want you to be uncomfortable."

"Don't," Dean said, taking the blanket from Cas' hand. Cas looked up at him, his blue eyes held something Dean had never seen before. Was Cas feeling self-conscious? Dean leaned over him, kissing his lips. "Don't ever," he said, pausing to kiss his jaw, then the side of his neck, "hide yourself from me," he added, then kissed down Cas' chest, to his stomach. "You're beautiful," Dean said. "Here." He leaned up to kiss Cas' face. "Here." He kissed over Cas' heart. "Here." He kissed Cas' stomach. "Even here," Dean said, kissing Cas' hardness.

Cas' head fell back as the sensations ran through him. He thought there could be nothing better than the feel of Dean's hand on him, but he was wrong. The brush of Dean's lips on him undid him.

Dean kissed Cas again, this time moving a little farther up Cas' length. His heart started to pound in his chest again, and his nerves went into overdrive. He couldn't believe he was doing this, but he so badly wanted to. To top it all off he was worried he would be bad at it. He really didn't want to be bad at it.

Dean's hands found Cas' thighs, and he squeezed them gently. He replaced his lips with his hand, giving Cas another stroke, before kissing the tip of Cas cock, getting pre-come on his lips. Experimentally, Dean licked his lips and was pleasantly surprised to find Cas didn't taste bad.

"Mmm," Cas said, his head falling back again. Dean looked up and saw that Cas was biting his lip, and his own cock pulsed.

Dean watched Cas' face as he licked the top of his cock. Another moan, more lip biting. Slowly, Dean slipped the tip of Cas into his mouth, using his tongue to pleasure Cas. Cas let out a breathless, "Oh," and Dean knew he was doing something right.

Dean had to shift, his own cock straining to get out of his jeans. He would free himself soon enough, but right now he wanted to please Cas. Dean let Cas' cock go in deeper and Cas' moans grew just a little louder. Dean liked that. He liked making Cas moan.

He wrapped his hand at the base of Cas' cock, stoking him as he sucked, making sure to use his tongue. He surprised himself when he let out a soft moan as Cas' hand tangled with his hair. Oh god this was such a turn-on.

Dean found a steady rhythm, sucking Cas while jacking him off. Cas hips rocked, matching that rhythm perfectly. Cas' moans grew louder and closer together. His cock twitched in Dean's mouth, and Dean pulled away, not wanting Cas to go just yet.

Cas laid there, his breathing labored, and his heart racing. He swore his vision was blurred. He had never been filled with so many sensations at once.

Dean's lips found his again. "I love the way you taste," Dean said, surprising them both, and pushing Cas even closer to the edge. Cas had never known words could be so erotic.

Dean moved, so he could remove his own pants. He loved the look of approval on Cas' face. He gripped his own cock, giving it a stroke. Cas' eyes filled with lust, and the look drove Dean wild.

He got back onto the bed, moving so he was between Cas thighs. He kissed Cas again, sucking Cas' bottom lips into his mouth. Cas moaned, causing Dean's cock to pulse again. God he loved the sound. He ran his tongue over Cas' lips and when his lips parted, Dean found Cas' tongue with his own. It was clear that he had surprised Cas, but Cas responded gracefully, his hands grabbing gently at Dean's short hair.

Cas' hips began to rock under him, stimulating them both. Both let out moans as the pleasure ran through them. Dean started to move as well, deepening that pleasure. They moved together, building each other up until both were nearly there. Cas dug his fingers into Dean's back, his head falling back in pleasure.

Dean leaned down, putting his lips to Cas' ear. "I want to be in you, My Love," Dean whispered, the passion deepening his voice. Cas' breath caught in his throat, and he moaned. "Would you like that?"

Cas couldn't find his voice. Hell, he wasn't sure if he knew where Dean ended and he begun. So he nodded. Another moan escaped him as they moved together.

Dean leaned over, opening the drawer of his night stand and pulling out a small bottle of lube. He had bought it a few weeks back for this exact moment. He fumbled with the cap, his hands once again shook with nerves. This was the part he was most nervous for, but he made damn sure to retain every word James had said.

He moved, placing his lubed finger on Cas' opening. He hesitated a moment, before pushing a finger in. Cas gasped, as both pain and pleasure rushed through him. Dean just let his finger rest there a moment, before moving it. He moved slowly in and out until he felt the muscles relax.

Slowly he added a second finger, repeating the process until he was up to three fingers and Cas' muscles once again relaxed, and his gasps of pain turned into gasps of pleasure. Dean moved his fingers in and out of Cas, happily surprised that this turned him on. He was worried this would weird him out, but instead it drove him crazy. Everything about Cas drove him crazy. Soon, Cas was moaning again, moving his hips to get more of what Dean was giving him.

Taking this as a sign, Dean pulled his fingers out. He added lube to his cock, giving it a few strokes. He moved, grabbing Cas' hips to position him right. He looked into Cas' currently deep blue eyes, and pushed in. They both gasped. Like he had done with his fingers, Dean just rested there for a moment, before moving slowly.

Cas gasped in pain as Dean moved. After a moment of this, Dean stopped moving. "Baby, does it hurt too bad? We can stop," Dean had started to pull out. The last thing he wanted was to get off, while Cas was in pain.

Cas' hands grabbed at him, stopping him from moving. "No, don't stop."

"But you're hurting," Dean protested. He knew that Cas would hurt the first time, but he was hoping it wouldn't hurt this bad.

"Yes, it hurts, but it feels good, too. Please, Dean, don't stop," Cas pleaded. He wasn't ready for Dean to stop.

Dean didn't reply, but he pushed back in gently. He rocked his hips slowly, and after a few more minutes, Cas' muscles relaxed. Dean relaxed a little himself, allowing himself to be swept away by the sensations of finally being with Cas. Every touch, every kiss, was like a shock to his system. Love filled every inch of him until he was lost in it. He was lost in Cas.

"Dean," Cas moaned, nearly pushing Dean over the edge. Cas' back arched off the bed, and his hips moved against Dean. Cas' breath hitched, and he grabbed onto Dean for dear life as he came. Dean's lips crushed down into Cas' as his own orgasm rippled through him. He rode out the sensation, his moan lost in kisses.

He collapsed on top of Cas, their hearts racing and their breaths calming. Something filled Dean. An emotion he knew, but never this intoxicating. Never with this much force. He felt his eyes stinging with tears, and for the first time ever he was sure he knew without a doubt what love was. True, pure love.

Dean kissed Cas softly, caressing his lover's face. He shivered as Cas ran his hands down his back. Dean pulled back slightly, looking into Cas' face. Cas' face was flushed, and a soft smile played at his lips. His wild blue eyes were full of love and wonder as he looked back at him. Dean ran a finger over Cas' lips and his heart squeezed. God he was so in love. He was so in love he wasn't sure how he was ever going to be the same again.

Dean placed another kiss on Cas' lips. "I love you, Cas." Dean smiled at Cas' shocked face.

Did Dean just say that he loved him? Cas couldn't hold it back any longer. Tears sprung to his eyes. This night was more than he had ever hoped for, and Dean's declaration of love undid him. He placed his hand on Dean's cheek, and loved that Dean kissed his palm. "I love you, too," he replied.

Dean had heard Cas tell him he loved him before, but somehow this was different. Somehow, this time they sealed the deal. Feeling like a sap, Dean kissed Cas forehead. "You hold my heart, Castiel," Dean said, using Cas' full name. "You hold my heart, and I love you." Dean kissed him deeply, never wanting to come up for air.

**I hope you have all enjoyed the chapter. Reviews and Comments are appreciated. Thanks :D**


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